Just pondering this morning.

If you are a WS and a friend came to you and said they were thinking about having an affair, what would you say? Would you encourage them to see what's out there, they may find their "true soulmate", the "love of their life" ... or would you say stay clear because it's way too much trouble .. work on your M?

Headed for Happiness,

I will do and say anything possible to discourage the friend from having an A… I will even discourage her from having any opposite sex friendship where the spouse is not part of that friendship… That's how most A start - with 'friendship'.

Suzet

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Double post

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 10:02 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

There isn't a FWS on this board that would advise a friend to have an A.

A WS in the fog might do otherwise.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jimmy Mac:
<strong> There isn't a FWS on this board that would advise a friend to have an A.

A WS in the fog might do otherwise. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly what I was thinking... I don't think ANY FWS posting here on MARRIGE BUILDERS (even a FWS who are in withdrawal and still in the fog) will encourage a friend (or anyone else for that matter) to have an A...

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 10:19 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Sorry, double post again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Struggling with computer.

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Hi H4H
I have been the ultimate "lurker" for so long--but I think I should reply to this one. I, too, have been a FWS and also a BS-- My H did the "A" first....trust me....this is no rationalization--but I have seen it from "both" sides...so I feel qualified (whatever that means <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> to say this!)

Absolutely not! I would say, from both ends, that I would NOT reccomend an affair. It is ugly, wrong, stupid, complicated, etc.

If my best friend came to me and said "I met my soulmate" I would have to ask him/her the following:

1. Is it worth it????
2. ARe you willing to give up your ENTIRE life as you know it to satisfy an itch? (I know...the whole bit about "I love you ....but I am not IN LOVE with you is a really "compelling" argument here--but COME ON!!!--we all know it is not true!!) It is an ITCH for something....is it not????that drove us onto the lust highway?
3. Do you really want to gamble your ENTIRE life on a hunch? or a good lay? or someone who makes you feel like a king/queen in the sack?


I have been in both camps....and I very rarely post...ever! As I think my H watches this (yes, we are still together (whatever that means???) But seeing things from BOTH sides...I would say NO to my friend. I mean if they asked my opinion...they shoud honor it? Right? A night of passion or "love" or whatever we want to say it is is not worth F*ing up everything we ever believid in? I am older, true, but I still want to believe in the "fairy tail" of pefrect love, marriage. kids, happy ending.

Headed: you seem like you know the drill and I think you know the "right:" anser...it is all wrong.! Affairs are wrong. True, deep, longing, life-long love will endure. I guess....that may be MY hope...but (as a complete lurker) I guess I think that will prevail!

Hugs to you.

U2BH

I too speak from alittle experience - I was a WS (prior M) and I'm now a BS.

I learned that I hurt alot of people when I was a WS - I have true remorse - though, it took a couple of years to "feel it"..I am happy to know that my XH is happy now new wife and a child (which I never would have given him). Maybe I did him a favor by leaving - his life is full now.

I would tell anyone looking to have an A - to stop and put the effort into your current M - all the phone calls, meetings, etc. Keep your self busy making others happy. Don't seek to destroy everyone else in quest for EA or PA. Because you will destory families not just your BS but the OP's entire family. Your not just cheating on your BS your cheating everyone that knows you...