My attorney informed me that if I so choosed, I could sue the OM for criminal conversation and alienation of affection. She said my case was very sympathetic and stood an extremely good chance of winning. So good in fact that he might settle out of court. She warned though that it would be expensive and it would take alot out of me.

I was wondering if anyone else has done this or knows someone that has.

If my marriage ends up not working because of this, I am very seriously considering doing this. Below is a link to what I am talking about. Only 7 states still support these laws and North Carolina is one of them.

http://www.rosen.com/alienationofaffection/

I have not, but have heard of people winning in those cases. Sveral thousand dollars. I replied to your other post also.

I don't know . . . could one cause the other?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If my marriage ends up not working because of this, I am very seriously considering doing this. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The chicken or the egg? How do you know if pursuing this line of thinking could CAUSE your M to not work? I guess not your M (that is not working right now anyway), but your reconciliation and recovery of your M?

At what point to you declare it a goner and sue? I personally think this line of thinking is playing right into all the reasons your WW doesn't think she wants to be with you. In her mind, she might think, "See, he doesn't love me, he just wants money. He just wants the kids. He doesn't want to make this work. I knew it." Or some such fogese. But that is where her head is at right now.

PLEASE wait and get lots of feeback before you make any decisions. And PLEASE do not tell your WW that this is a law, that you are considering it, or anything. This could be a catalyst that, rather than destroying WW and OM's relationship, draws them closer together. You want to do all you can to dispell their "banding together" against you. You want her "banding together" with you somehow . . . and suing the OM will not create that, me thinks.

This is all just MHO, of course. Hang in there. I am glad you got the peace of mind that comes from lining your ducks up in a row. I sure felt better after my consultation.

Perhaps just use this knowledge - kept secret - to help yourself get through a proper Plan A. But even raising the subject of suing OM raises the subject of D, and you don't want to do that at all. No talk of it unless WW brings it up, then change subjects as soon as possible.

Also, please check out ARK's thread on GQII called "plan a tips and musings .. . get grounded here." She gives great examples of what plan a is and isn't, and how to keep your head.

Let me know what you think.

SS

Dag-nabit double post! The site is taking strange amounts of time to post this morning - for me. Grrrrrrrrrr!

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 11:51 AM: Message edited by: Spider Slayer ]</small>

I agree with SS. You cannot really make someone love you, unless they want to. Suing the OP may be a choice, but is it worth the long battle and maybe lost money even if you win?

You have to ask yourself what is it that you want to get out of this? I just fear that YOU may end up getting hurt in the process even more.

Kati

Level3,

Lets see, there are about 36,000 members on these forums. It's a rough guess, but I would say ,the number that would go for it would be upwards of 35,900.

IMHO

ditto SS

You play this card only after you're sure your marriage has no chance of recovery.

However, some could argue that doing this sooner could throw a HUGE bucket of cold water on OM, perhaps scaring him off. But I still vote for the wait until the marriage is over strategy. Even IF OM gets scared off, this doesn't automatically mean you recover your marriage.

Of course, the biggest variable in deciding to go after OM is, how much money does he have? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

If I had an opportunity to do this, I wouldn't think twice - betting my case would be very sympathetic.

I would only consider doing this if I felt 100% sure that our relationship was a lost cause. Right now I do not. This is just an option I have if things do not work out.

I too am considering bringing a lawsuit against the other man should our marriage not work out. I am not going to play that card until then. Especially when I found out this guy has $$$$.
But not until it's over. By then I may change my mind but I do have it in my back pocket.

hello fellow North Carolinian. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello level 3-we are thinking on the same lines. !st I want OM's wife to get all she can then I will decide if i sue. She (OM's wife) have been talking so when the dust settles maybe he gets slapped with this kind of suit. My lawyer says it may not be worth it. But it sure feels good to think about.

well, I have been in hot pursuit of other OMW but have yet to be able to contact her. You see, OM moved from Oregon to here for a job opportunity. Meanwhile his wife moved back to SC to stay with her parents. They have a strange relationship. Well, I have had a hard time tracking her down. It took alot for me to track them from Indiana, to Oregon, to where they are now. They move around alot. I could hire PI I guess, but I'm not exactly loaded as my wife supports me and the kids. I'm a SAHD. I would very much like to talk to her though.

I have read on this board that PI for that kind of information is relatively cheap ($50) or so. Go for it. Expose Expose Expose. I did but it hasn't stopped the A. But everyone knows, children, parents, sisters everyone.

I saw a TV movie of the week on this, it was based on a infamous 1997 North Carolina alienation of affection lawsuit. I was channel surfing and it was on Lifetime and it sparked my interested. This woman sued the OW and won a million dollars, but it was a long hard battle. Also in 1997, in another North Carolina case a jury reward a husband 250,000 after he sued the OM, part of that included a 50,000 award for acts of adultery.

I don't know if its worth all the legal fees to do so, Remember, God will have vengeance on her one day, it might not be tomorrow, or next year, but someday, but also keep in my God will reward you someday if you stay true to yourself and to him.

I have also condiderd sueing xow, but haven't done so. Probably because M is really recovering well. either that or i was just to upset when first though about it. Now I put it in God's hands where it belongs.

If I had a endless supply of money then you can bet I would drag the homewrecker through the court system.Even if I didn't win,it would be worth it to make her life just a little bit uncomfortable.

O

I guess my concern is, when is it at the point you are 100% sure? In my mind, just because something is possible, doesn't neccesarily mean it is a good idea.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would only consider doing this if I felt 100% sure that our relationship was a lost cause.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My FWH told me he was sure he wanted a D several times. But he never filed. At what point might she lash out at you with a threat, and you lash back with your own threat - suing OM??? Not to say that you do not have a legitimate, authentic, 100% deserved grievance! We ALL do.

But your state supports a law that most have abolished. I am very concerned that this "option" for you, could be the catalyst that causes more harm than good. I know you have gotten a lot of positive posts regarding this law - and I have tried to put myself in your shoes at the early stages of my own pain - and I cannot honestly say that I would follow my own precautions.

This is a Marriage Builders site, and I am pro-marriage. Please know that that is where my concern is coming from. We will all support you no matter what you do. I will probably always be your "devil's advocate" on this issue. My intention is simply to represent the other side of the arguement.

Peace.

SS

What a the 7 states???? How do I sue sooo many women, LOL....

Ok, I sue them, and then their BS sues my WS??? Wow that sure keeps attorney's in new suits...LOL

I too am pro-marriage - but, since my M is proably never going to recover - I would definately sue. These OP's not only took my H, they also have caused me severe public embarrasement at work. My WS and I own a business and he's brought this trash into the workplace. I'm suprised he hasn't been sued for sexual harrasment. I plan on getting out before that happens - because it will..

Hi,

I wish I could but then My WS and My OW have'nt got a pot to pee in. Ain't they a lucky couple. I was suppuorting there relationship unknowingly before discovery day and after discovery day when it was supposedly over.

Good LUCK. I did not know there was a law like that. I am from NC too. NC is really pro-marriage. You have to wait a year to get a divorce. Also if you are caught in adultery some lawyers will not even talk to you.

Is the OMW in Oregon now or South Carolina? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Nerlycrzy ]</small>