Well kind of shaky right now. Nothing to serious but still upsetting (to me) to say the least.

I had talked to SH about my H becoming "mean" and I think he is, especially now that he doesn't have any real ties to have to stay at the house since I have the dogs. so any of the ties left are just on paper.

i had left a VM on his cell phone monday asking him to call me about the tax information (our extension exp. 8/15/04). i didn't hear from him so i called him again this morning asking him to please call me that i needed his help w/this and that i was worried and was trying to get things prepared on my end. well he called about 30minutes ago. kind of went off on me IMO. just said that he didn't call me because he had put a package in the mail for me w/a note that said the taxes were being taken care of and that he told me that he was taken care of it, etc.

i asked him what the damage was and he said he didn't know. (i just didn't understand how he could say things were completed but he didn't know how much we owed). i said as much to him and said that he was going to drop off the taxes today. i told him that i cannot file my state taxes until the federal taxes are complete and i have a copy of the form (apparently he didn't know this) he just says "did they tell you that?" he was just kind of really sarcastic and seemed really put out that i was worried, couldn't understand that i needed the federal taxes to be COMPLETE before i could file stateetc. this is really hard for me guys, it has been extremely difficult for me not to tell my H what to do, especially when it came to the taxes and our house. i tried to explain to him why i was worried in a way that was not blaming him but just explaining why i was nervous. that i had to take time off from work, that i had to be able to come up w/the money if needed, etc. well then he just goes into saying how any time he's gone to jackson hewitt it's only taken 30 minutes and how i can make payments and that no matter what the damage was on the federal taxes to not worry about it because he "would take care of it" (kind of like i'm a man and i said i would take care of it and i will type of attitude).

i asked him if he was going to make payments and he just said well yeah, he didn't have the money and that's what he was going to do. well i'm sorry but call me a skeptic, but you know i think he has the money and is just saving it for xyz. but i can't talk about this because that would esentially be talking about the R, etc. if i needed more money then we should sell the house, etc. so i just suck it up.

i thanked him for calling me back but told him i did need to talk to him again but i couldn't talk to him right now and asked when would be a good to call him back. he asked if i could talk at work today and i said probably and he said i could call him at 3pm because he would be on his way to work. i asked what time did he actually have to start work and he said 4pm so he would have plenty of time to talk. he asked what is was about and i just said i couldn't talk right now but would talk later.

so i don't know what to say, the reason i have to talk to him later is to tell him i'm coming to FL in a couple of weeks. i simply cannot say how he will take this or what he will say, etc. i feel i have a lot of back-up for why i need to come down there but in the end i'm just not sure what to say. am i really up for this?

i guess i'm just a little scared and yes, hurt. i know i can't control him and no matter what happens to just trust God. i guess i'm feeling a little like peter when Jesus told him to walk out to him on the water and as the storms started to pick up peter took his eyes of Jesus and began to sink. so i've got to get into a good mindset and get prepared to call him at 3pm. i hadn't really planned on telling him i need to talk to him but if i didn't tell him who knows when i would be able to get ahold of him next and i am on a timeline here.

well thanks for listening, i know my situation is a lot less then what some others are going through but it still hurts. praying for this afternoon, RR

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Wow, RR. Our WSs seem so similar, grabbing any opportunity to get harsh and angry no matter how well we treat them, and spectacularly unable to have a rational discussion about finances.

((((((((((roughroad))))))))))

I know exactly, exactly how you feel right now. Tired, uncertain, doubting whether any of it is doing a bit of good. And now all nervous and eggshelly on top of it.

Who's the strong one, RR? Who's the lighthouse? Remember who is adrift. Don't let him be a big faker like this and pretend to have it together. He doesn't have a damn thing together, he knows it, and you know it.

GC

RR, I will pray for you.

I don't have much to say particularly. The only thing we can do is to be calm, patient and trsut GOD. Just like you said, we can not control WH, but we can control our own mind and behavior. Lots of love and support from me.