I don't know whether to laugh at WS or be upset. I guess I'm a little of both. I'm getting the house cleaned up and ready for him to come home. On top of our dresser is a decorative box that a friend brought him back from Saudi Arabia. As I'm dusting, I move it and realize there is something in it. When WS was home for a week last month, he put a silver and turquoise belt buckle and belt tip in it. Now, it is obviously a womans belt buckle...and it is MY BEDROOM!!! It explains the belt he sent home with his personal belongings without a buckle or tip. It seems as if they exchanged buckles and tips!!! Has anyone ever heard of a custom like this? Did he think that I wouldn't see it during the month he was gone? That's right up there with leaving behind a piece of paper with her work numbers on it when he left. For such an intelligent guy, he's pretty dumb right now. Needless to say, the her items are in the garbage. He can keep his useless, buckleless belt but another woman's items in MY BEDROOM? Right.

I would be ticked too. I found some cologne that the OW gave my H awhile back and he kept telling me that it was a friend of his that left it i his car. I was suspicious but just thought "ok, well, I guess he left it in the car when they went on one of their work trips"....yeah right....come to find out the OW gave it to him. It infurated me becasue he had put it in MY car. Why do they do this kind of stuff? I just don't understand how people can hurt each other so easily!

Get a safety deposit box and put these objects in there. Keep documents you may need to prove the affair in the box as well.

It's a little extra self-protection you don't need to inform WH about .... unless he asks

"Hey, where is the belt buckle and tip I left on my dresser?"

You tell him, "I'm keeping it safe for you."

Pep

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

You know, the longer I deal with this situation, the more I believe that it's not even an attempt to hurt anyone. That fog they're in makes them down right dumb! It's like they think we have suddenly taken leave of OUR brains too and will believe anything or won't see what is right in front of our faces. I can't tell you how many things WH has done since this started that just make me wonder where his brain went. He's charged calls to her to our checking account....hence I have her cell number. He left out his flight itinerary when he visited us, so I knew he was flying to see her. He left out his approval for leave, so I knew he didn't really have to be back after only one week. I could go on but it's embarrasing:) Really though, it's like so much of their brain is used up thinking about, making excuses for and justifying the affair that they do thoughtless things that hurt without actually intending to. Just a thought.

My H did not attempt to hide the clues from me. He used his cell phone for main contact, and I do the bills. He wanted to get caught. In his cowardly state, he knew he should end it, wanted to end it in one way, but also kept going with the A "just in case" things with us didn't work out. Unfortunately he got another month out of the deal b/c in August I had no time to really check the bill before paying it. Sept. I checked it and the jig was up.

I think it was a desperate plea for attention from him. That is why he didn't hide it. He was getting the 3 A's filled by her (Admiration, attention & affection) b/c it was missing for so long in our M. Deep down he wanted these things from me, had tried for years but I was deep in clinical depression.

faith - do you think maybe he is leaving these things for you to find to be forced to make a choice? I do not know your whole story so I may be way off.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Originally posted by Fraggles:

faith - do you think maybe he is leaving these things for you to find to be forced to make a choice? I do not know your whole story so I may be way off.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My thoughts exactly.

Mr. Pep left "stuff" out where I would find it.... and much later, after recovery, we laughed together at how really dumb he was... and how he probably wanted to be found out.

Pep

I wouldn't say no to ANY possibilities at this moment. I have a feeling though that the stuff of the dresser was forgotten about when he left. He filed for divorce the same day he flew out on an early afternoon flight. Although, why he would have it here to begin with is a mystery to me and may point to it being intentional. As for the other stupid stuff, he doesn't seem to realize just how much information is available through online banking (he didn't think the number charged would show up and since he has called me that way a few times he figured I would assume the charge was to me). The itinerary and leave approval....I don't know, it is certainly something to think about. While he was here for that week he was intentionally cruel in some things and lied about others. Maybe he figured he could push me away and leave enough stuff around that I would just give up. Although what in our 11 years together would give him that idea I don't know:) Either way, I do try to find some humor in most of these discoveries even if it is just saying...."How stupid is that!" I don't always have the ability to find it but I try.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong>That fog they're in makes them down right dumb! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may not know how close you really are to describing what's going on in the chemistry in their brains.

I'll bump up an old thread of mine that describes dopamine's impact on the "oops" response. I think you'll find it interesting.

WAT