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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782 |
Aren't they really one in the same????
Can they change??
Is there no hope when you are M to a WS that "you" believe is a serial cheater/cakeman?
My WH has been with 4 OP that I know of in the past year - does that make him a serial cheater? As far as I know they are all M - which could also make him a sexual predator..Who am I M to????
Will it end, can it end or must I just move on? I've been plan A'ing - but, I don't think it will ever "sink in"..Why dont' I know who my WH is???
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Personally, I never advise anyone married to a serial cheater to "Plan-A"... 4 OP "that I know of" .... is very <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> What keeps you from taking charge of your life? Pep
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I did not mean that to sound as if you have lost control of your life...
But don't you think you are faced with this sort of a dilemma....
You did not cause it
You cannot contain it.
You cannot cure it.
I have learned that this sort of dilemma is very dangerous for me... I can get sucked into the never-ending situation of trying to plug the 10 foot hole in the dam with a toothpick.
If you think your H's problems are too big for you to manage with the usual and ordinary marrige advice... then I feel you may be trying to take charge of something that does not belong to you.
Overwhelmed with "his" issues, you may fail to take charge of your life, which does belong to you.
Pep
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178 |
Pittman makes a clear distinction between "romantics" and "philanderers". Romantics have affairs because they are selfish, negligent and foolish, philanderers have them because they can.
I've skipped over some of the discussion of philandering in Private Lies, but it may be a good read for you. Sounds like your H falls into this category.
Sexual predator, I don't know. IvoryIvy's H is though. He's been fooling with a 16-year-old.
GC
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 782 |
Ok - so how do I take control of my life??? He has always controlled me...I don't have a clue....
I really can't Plan B - since we work together - so he would still see me at work..and my attorney strongly suggested that I not leave our home.
I was hoping that he was just going thru a mid-life crisis - and the dust would settle - but, then there are days that I think it's just who he is and now with having a great business + money - he just feels entitled to OP's and is blatant. Where if he was doing this years ago he was more secretive.
I think we did have a couple of years together when we were busy starting the business that he was not cheating.
Really how do I take control?? How do I stop loving this man??
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