It amazes me when I didn't have contact with WH for eight weeks, no clue were he was, I was actually calmer. I did suffer from the blues and loneliness, but I wasn't as angry when he left and we were still in communication.

On July 19th, four days after our anniversary. I was served Nevada divorce papers with a letter blaming me for the breakdown of our marriage, I had no desire even to talk to him, even after he was leaving messages that he wanted to talk.

Then about two weeks ago, I picked up the phone and there he was. That was the phone call I laid it all out, I had nothing to lose. After that conversation I felt at peace, ready to move on. Now he calls everyday, and I feel the anger creeping back.

He doesn't confirm on deny that the OW is with him. I know she is there. He slipped in one conversation and said we both have jobs. Plus, there are other factors involved that I know she is living in Vegas with him.

Sometimes I feel he is being nice to me because now its up to me to sign the divorce papers, and once that is done my Wh and the OW can ride off into the sunset together.

I'm sorry I posted twice, the other one wasn't finished and my hand slipped and off my reply went. This is the post I wanted responses to. Thanks

HD2 - Sorry to hear that you are in so much pain.
I think that it's natural for you to feel this way after speaking to WS. I know that I have similar feelings when WW rings me to tell me that she is going out with her friends. As for him not mentioning that he is with OW, well maybe he's doing it to save your feeliongs or it could be to hide his guilt. I now have a policy with my WW which goes something like this "If the lips are moving, then it's probably a lie". I keep this in mind and have a quiet chuckle (to myself) when she talks to me.
Several good people on this site have given this advice to me, and I found that it does help.
1. You can only control yourself and how you feel.
2. Surround yourself with good friends and let it be known that you may need to call on them.
3. Call on your good friends regularly, try not to sit at home by yourself. ( I sometimes have gone to the movies on my own rather than sit at home)
4. Take up that hobby that you always wanted to but never did becuase of your committment to your marriage.
5. If he can't see what you have to offer and doesn't want to be with you now then he probably doesn't deserve you. Make a better life for yourself
6. Look forward to a positive future that you deserve !!!
7. Make sure that you go to MC and KEEP POSTING to your online family.
I hope this helps

The one thing I think I have done well, is have control of my feelings especially around people. My in-laws are especially proud of how well I have handle the situation. Even though when I'm alone I do lose control, but I keep telling myself when I do they are controlling my feelings.

I know I can't control the situation, I only have control of me.

I feel angry because after I was served D papers, then the concern and phone calls started from my WH.

Where was the concern for me when he started the affair or when he walked out. Now he suddenly has concern for me, maybe because he wants something from me. Maybe to sign the D papers.

Before I couldn't contact him but now I can call him anytime 24-7.

The other reason is that I'm being sued for D. I was the one trying to save the marriage and I'm being sued. This is going to sound strange but he robbed me of the chance of filing for D in the state we lived in the whole time we were married. I had grounds, he didn't. I could get a D immediately and he would have to wait 18 months. I thought that would give me enough time to save the marriage, but he had to disappear to Nevada and file there. What a sneak and coward.

Maybe it is the fact that I was plotted against like I'm the enemy or he is still lying to me.

Maybe that is the reason why I feel so angry. I wonder after I sign the D papers I can still call him anytime

You are angry because you are being callously mistreated by your husband!

(no "rocket surgeon" necessary to figgure this out)

When he did not call you ... you were forced to reside away from his chaos. And peace was yours.

Talking to him again draws you into his chaos.

One thing I wonder.... what exactly do you imagine HE gets out of talking to you???? He is getting some sort of a "stroke" or he wouldn't be doing it. What do you think he's sniffing for? Do you think he may value your opinion and hope in some weird twisted way you give him your ~approval~ ??????

I know this seems twisted ... but in the mind of the adulterous, the logic is very twisted... it has to be in order to justify the cheating.

"Can't we remain friends after I divorce you and marry OW?" Why not?"

Do you think this is where he thinks he's going? Painting himself as the "good guy" who only wishes to remain friends?

Pep