Many of you are aware that I will be delivering my first son any day now. I have been in a modified plan B (talked only for visitation). I am dreading having to deal with him during visitation. I set it up that he can only see his son at my home. For one because of schedule and two so the OW wouldn't be around my child.
After this weekend and him moving all of his stuff out I sent him an awful email stating that he wasn't the person I knew and telling him how he has walked all over me and ruined my dreams for a family. I know a major LB but I couldn't help it. He just emailed me his new work hours and told me his cell will be on always. What a nice guy.
My question how do I act when he comes to visit if there is any hope for our future which I question.
Should I only talk to him about the baby. Should I be nice to him or just tolerate. Should I talk with him about daily life events.
Please give me suggestions!

Hi Durham76 !
I'm kind of new at this forum , but I am happy to add my perspective should it prove helpful.
You sound as though you have been through a very painful time and are hurting terribly.
As your H has arranged with you to meet at your home to see your son, what would be gained by an emotionally charged interaction. Your baby, as young as he is, will pick up the anxiety and internalize it in some way. Almost never positively ! You sound unsure as to any possible future with this man, but at least you are not saying NEVER AGAIN ! As I have come to realize, love begets love most of the time, but hostility always begets hostility. As the song goes "Give love a chance" at least until you are very very sure there is nothing worth holding on to. When you get into the same space, feelings may be awkward, perhaps honestly admitting "just that" to him might help both of you. From that point of joint vulnerability things will probably flow a little better. Your mutual love for the child is powerful, let it guide you.

I think it depends on whether you want to try to save the marriage, or have you had enough?

If you still want to follow the program, whenever he visits for visitation you revert to Plan A behavior. Very tough to do.

If you don't care whether you reconcile, follow your concsience and do what you think is right.

I'm not a Mom, so maybe I can't relate, but if I were you, I'd try to keep him as far away from that child as possible. I wouldn't want my child to know his father was a liar and a cheat. Find a real man.

JMHO

WAT

Durham -

You have been through enough pain and what possible good is it going to do anyone, especially the baby to remain in a position of pain. Start a new friendship with your WH once baby is born. Forget about the betrayal, the hurt, all of that. Start a new friendship and see where it goes. You are going to have to deal with this guy for the next 20 years or more, and your son with him for the rest of his life. Make it a happy home for your son, treat his dad with respect, friendship and love. You will never regret it. And the baby will be happy as well as you. You have all the power to make your home happy now, it's in your hand.

One more benefit to becoming friends with your WH is he will side with you, he will be comfortable co-parenting with you, and you do not want the baby around OW. This is going to blow their relationship apart. You have the power use it wisely. As Warm ashes said, love begets love, hostility begets hostility. What great advice!

Weaver - How do you build a friendship with a man that you can't respect? With a man that thinks it's perfectly acceptable to cheat on his wife who is carrying his child and then walk out on her during the one time in her life that she really needs someone?

That's the best thing I've ever heard...

LOVE BEGETS LOVE; HOSTILITY BEGETS HOSTILITY

My children are not newborn by any means, but I do want them to respect and cherish me. I would like for them to feel that for their father too.

With what is going on now, they don't want anything to do with him.

This also hurts me.

IMHO, no one wants to raise a child who despises one of their parents. Their respect for you will diminish if you bad mouth the other parent. If you treat the other parent with the same respect you would want for yourself(even if they don't deserve it), your children will see that.

Then, when they are older, they can form their own opinion of the other parent. Children aren't blind... they can see far more than we can some times.

Hugs and prayers for you and your new son. He will bring you great joy.