Ok, so my H called me last night and we talked for almost 2 hours. He said once again that he doesn't know if he really loves me...he loves me but out of comfort and security. He wants to be alone to see if he will miss me and try to clear his head. He is still talking to OW...says he's trying to help her through the pain as well...UUUGGGHH! He keeps telling me that he has to find happiness in himself and that I need to take care of me and not think about him. He just says things that are really "out there". Things like:
*I need to grow spiritually.
*We should all find joy within ourselcves.
*I can't make anyone else happy.
*We could not be together and still be friends
and love each otehr.
*You don't respect yourself since you're
still with me.
*You don't love yourself.....on and on....
Why is he trying to make me feel that I have problems? I do love myself and think that by staying in this marriage I am being strong. I think for people to walk away is weak. He just doesn't get it.
Is there anybody out there that is hearing the same crap I am and if so how are you dealing with it and has there been in progress? Should I just leave him and move on with my life? I am so confused!!!!

Anybody there????

fog babble. i have to give my computer to my son for a while, then I have class will check back later.

Others will post. Does what he is saying make sense?

L.

Thanks Orchid!
I'm sure I will be on later. It helps me get through the night. Talk to you later..
Trish

ok Tree, here is a translation:

1. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......

2. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......

3. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......

4. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah......

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


In other words, its all just junk comprised to justify the unjustifiable, we have heard it all before. It is the raving of someone in the throes of an addictive affair. Your H is trying to get you to end the marriage because he doesn't have the courage to do so.

Tree, have you read about 180 degree program? I bet that would be a good one for your situation in conjunction with Plan A.

In the meantime, don't worry about all this other junk, it doesn't mean much at all.

Have you exposed the affair?

What is the 180 degree program?
Well, his side of the family knows about the affair. Not sure if his parents do though but all of his brother's and sister do.
How do I find out about 180 plan?

He wants to be alone to see if he will miss me and try to clear his head.
No, he wants to be away from you (not alone) so he can continue his affair without your "interference".

Tree, have you read about 180 degree program? I bet that would be a good one for your situation in conjunction with Plan A.
Try one or the other. Harley told me that one does not necessarily fit in with the other.

The 180 is part of the Michele Weiner-Davis "Divorce Busting" program.

I would love to call Divorce Busters but I don't have $130 to do that right now. My H left and I have to find a job...struggling with that!
If there is anybody who has heard some great advice from a therapist...I would greatly appreciate it if you could share it with me. At this time I am really strapped for cash and am trying to keep my head above water.

My H swears that he just wants to be by himself and it not contacting OW. I don't believe it but that's what he says. He says if I push him to stop talking to her when she calls that it will only hurt us. I told him that our marriage cannot begin to recover until she is out of the picture. So, at this point I don't even want to see him.

You don't have to call them.
It is a website like this one.
It has articles, letter & forums.

If there is anybody who has heard some great advice from a therapist...I would greatly appreciate it if you could share it with me.
I have talked with Dr. Harley and counseled with his son, Steve Harley (they do this site).
Start by reading "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley.
Also, read the lnks below.

Thank you Chris!

Question....
Should I go to my in-laws family gatherings? They have invited me to one this weekend.

Absolutely!Maintian any friednships you have with them. However, make sure you are not there to simply rag on your h to them.

I just don't want my H to think I'm there to make him feel bad. I guess I could go and be as nice as I can to him. Plan A right???? I will really have to practice my acting skills for that!!!
I'm not sure if my FIL and MIL know about the affair or not. Should I tell them? He may have told them about it but not sure. He did go to their house and have a long chat with them but not sure what was said. My MIL can be really vicious. If she thinks that I have done anything to make my H do what he did she will blame me and tell my son things that are not true. She's a reall piece of work when she wants to be.

I'm not sure if my FIL and MIL know about the affair or not. Should I tell them?
If it is over, then no, I would not suggest you say anything. (at least not now. Maybe later if things don't improve.)

. If she thinks that I have done anything to make my H do what he did she will blame me and tell my son things that are not true.
If she does, just smile at her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Don't try to "defend' yourself, especially in front of a bunch of people.

Thanks Chris! I appreciate your advice. I am going to really have to be strong if my MIL says something. I really don't care for her anyway so it will take a lot of will power on my part. I CAN do it though! My H is the one that keeps telling me he wants to get away but here he is again at my house. He brought our son home and he's hanging arouond. I really have nothing to say to him.