Hi everybody

I know Im starting to sound like a broken record, but I just dont know what to do. My W and I had counseling today. It comes out that she doesnt feel the same way about me that I do about her. She feels bad for that, but that is the way it is. Now she doesnt know what we should do. She says she is torn between staying together or not. She needs to find out what makes her happy. And when that time comes she doesnt even know if I will. She wants me to go cuz she feels that it hurts cuz of everything that has happened, our personalitys r different. She doesnt want me to go cuz she wants a friend here all the time and she cares about me and I care about her more than anything. And Im a good father, etc.

Why should I stay? Someone tell me. If she is having doubts then I feel like I need to go and she can figure it out. I am feeling hurt being here. Not much affection cuz she doesnt have it to give to me. Thats another reason why she thinks I should go. She cant give me what I give her.

Is this gonna get better if I stick it out? This is so frustrating. Im sick of feeling alone. She wants me but she doesnt. WTF!

She also feels that if I go Im gonna be an a$$ to her. I wont help her with the kids and be nice to her. I will help with the kids but it is kind of hard when she needs me to watch them so many nights of the week and its not at my own house. Its not that Im mean to her I just dont have much to say cuz it hurts. This sucks!!

i know EXACTLY how you feel. My WH says the same things to me. He says he needs to find himself and make himself happy. What about me and his son? What about making his family happy? I just don't get it!!!! My H has left the house and we havn't had any contact in 2 days and it's killing me inside. I miss him so much but apparently he doesn't feel the same way. He keeps telling me that maybe he never really loved me becasue if he did he wouldn't have done the things that he has. I don't know!!! I'm sorry I can't offer much advice right now. Hang in there. Just know that there are other people out there that are in the same boat and maybe they can shed some light!
Keep posting!!!

Anybody here??

You know she keeps going back and forth I feel like I have to leave. I have to make a decision cuz she cant. Is it the best one tho? She feels like Im on a higher level than her and that my morals r higher than hers. So I think she says. We havent really ever been separated for too long. Maybe that is what it will take for her to see what she is missing. Lets see...A man who cares about her more than anything else...A great father...A good friend(she doesnt think we r best friends cuz our personalitys r so different and because Im on a higher lever than her or whatever)...

I really am starting to think that this is hopeless. We have fun together but she says that she is still thinking about whether we should be together or not even when we r having a good time. Its gonna kill me but I think I have to move on. I feel so strongly about her tho...Im starting to wonder why. She doesnt really do much for me.

Someone help me make sense of this and advise me what they think is best to do. She told me to do what I need to do. She has to worry about herself.

Thanks Tree!

I know Im not alone but it helps to be reassured. Are our spouses full of it or what? I really dont know what to think, and Im starting to become angry with her. I wish I was able to keep my kids with me. But if I leave, I will see them when she works and when I have time not working. I feel that children should have both of their parents with them at all times. That is one reason I think she will want me back eventually. No other man is gonna be my kids daddy. I dont really know how many guys r gonna want to become involved with a woman who has 2 kids from 2 separate fathers. Maybe Im wrong.

Anyone out there??

Hi daddypop,

Speaking for myself, I'm responding slowly because I really don't know what to say. I don't mean your situation is hopeless, but it is hard go get a handle on.

On another thread I mentioned that your W may see you as a father figure, and this could be the source of some of your problems. For her to concede that you are "above" her seems absurd. She needs to see herself as more than a low person. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to want to, and it seems there's not much you can do to make her wish for it. But saying I'm a P.O.S. and don't deserve somebody as special as you is also typical wayward jive.

What does she expect to find that will make her happier without you?

GC

Your right Grey. I dont think she really has a clue. Im not sure if she thinks of me as a father figure, but it is possible. Im pretty sure that she thinks that I think that Im above her and my values are higher than hers. And she thinks that our personalitys are so different that we might not be able to work. She doesnt even realize how much harder her life is going to be without me. She says she needs to go thru counseling to sort things out and try to figure out what makes her happy. I really dont see how not being with me is going to make her happy. She feels that cuz our personalitys are different(she is outgoing fun type, Im not as outgoing) we might not work when she is happy. Im sorry that I have been down alot and not really myself for so long. She hasnt helped matters.

I think it is time to let her go. She can worry about herself, and try to get happy. Im not happy here. I want to be, but being around her isnt making me happy. She doesnt have it to give me right now, so be it. When she decides that she is in love with me again, if that can happen, I will decide if I even want her.

Is it possible that she will fall back in love with me just from not being around me and missing me? I wonder if she is full of it or what.

Thanks for listening to me ramble..

It is possible that removing yourself from her life will cause her to want to come back. Have you read about the MB plans, plan A and plan B? If not, do it. And read ark's plan A thread... lemme find it.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=029805

GC

As for differences in personality - my W and I came together and felt we were very similar. And we are. But after ten years, she found somebody a little more like her than me, as she sees it, and she thinks this is another good reason for leaving me.

Stupid, stupid. You don't have to be the same. You just have to find a way to make your differences work for you.

GC

Anyone else have any advice. I think I know what I need to do. Just dont want to do the wrong thing.

The thing is I dont even know if she is still screwing around. I dont think I have been doing a good plan A. I talk about the relationship too much, cuz I want to know what the hell is going on. She always says she doesnt know what to do. What am I to think. She probably thinks Im controlling and depressed. But she also says that she is unhappy cuz of herself. I really feel the only thing that will work is me not being here. We have been together 7 years and when we separated it was only about 1 week. She comes back saying that she is unhappy and that its not me. She wants to be in love with me. I find it hard to believe with how she acts. I know when if I leave, she will be back. I cant take her back tho. I dont think she does deserve me. Not now. She works in a strip club and I dont think I can handle her. It takes alot of work to be her friend. I think her working there is making her worse. She is tired and cranky all the time. I dont think her working at a place like that is best for her, considering what she does with her body and all the issues we have.

Its funny how she says she doesnt want me to go cuz she is afraid that she might lose the best thing that has ever happened to her. I think is in foggyland. I really dont know how to act towards her tho when Im gone. I have to be civil cuz of the kids, but I think thats it.

She's on self-destruct.

If you want her to be in love with you, you have to lay off the R talk, figure out what will make her be in love with you, and do it.

But she has maaaaajor issues to deal with herself. Her sexual boundaries are all but non-existent. She seems to think sex will bring her comfort and intimacy, rather than knowing that it should be the reward of comfort and intimacy. Her past has taught her to get it all backward, and you can't fix that by talking to her.

GC

Thanks Gray. You know what u r talking about. Given what u know about the situation, do u think it is a good idea to stay? I just dont know what would be the best thing to do. I read the post ark wrote about plan A, and Im all confused now. I know my life would be alot easier without her. Maybe we need time apart. I want to do the right thing tho.

Thanks again.

daddy - Please join my thread about Betrayed Husbands.

How different are your ages, daddypop?

I think you might try to plan A a little better before you separate. Do you feel she may leave on her own?

And did I get the idea you already live kind of separately?

We r both 25. We have lived together for pretty much 7 years. The past month I have left 3 times cuz she has been acting like this and cheating. When I have left, shortly after she has wanted me back. But then she goes back to saying she doesnt know what we should do, cuz she doesnt feel a certain way or she doesnt want either of us to hurt anymore. I think alot of it might be because she hasnt been giving me anything and I get upset about it. She is a very confusing person. Now she doesnt know what we should do. I dont think she is trying very hard and it makes me want to give up and let her be.

Do you work for a living?

She wont leave on her own. She makes alot of money so she gets the apartment, the car, the kids. Even if she wants me to go, I dont have to. Its just so uncomfortable.. Its hard to be around her when she doesnt even know if she wants me and has very little for me.

Yes I work. I do maintenance at the Kalahari resort in Wis. Dells. If u know where that is.