D-day was may 15. H has changed so much in the last 4 weeks. He has said and done things that he hadn't done in our 31 years of marriage, he says its because he knows now what he could have lost. He says he not only loves me but he is in love with me. He is the husband that any woman would want and it scares me to death. There is such a big change in him just since the 4 of july. On the 4 we went to party at a friends house and I thought everything was good until a couple of days later he tells me that he and his friend were snorting cocaine while the rest of us were in the house. He has never done drugs before so I figure it's part of the depression he is going through, but I still lost it, and he finally promised not to do it again and said I could test him anytime I want. The OW and her husband are back together again and most of the changes in him came after he found this out. I feel like he's here because she went back to her husband and didn't want him. He also refused to let me talk to her husband and tell him about everything. My H promised me that he told her husband himself but I think there would of been some kind of reaction if he had. H says the OW's H didn't do anything because they all work at the same place and all need to keep their jobs. But my H and her H work together just the two of them in one small room for 12 hours a day so I would think something would have happened. My H also said he ask the other man if he would be willing to talk to me and he said no. My H seems to be trying very hard to gain my trust again but I just can't seem to let it go. How do I stop thinking of the two of them together and start moving on? Every little thing reminds me of time he spent with her. I can't seem to let it go and learn to trust again. Anyone got any ideas?
lovybug

You know what stikes me as untrue is that your husband said he told OW's husband and still works 12 hours a day with him in a small room. I, like you find this very hard to believe.

If your husband can work that closely with another man, whose wife he had an affair with and still deceive him in this way is kind of scary. That would take a lot of cold heartedness, I think.

That may be why you still have such doubts about him being trustworthy, he isn't in my opinion.

I sincerely hope someone else comes on here and has some suggestions about what you can do about that, but I can't think of anything right now except for calling the OW's husband and talking to him yourself, but if the affair is already ended you probably don't want to do that. Her husband certainly has a right to know about his wife and about who he is working so closely with. I feel incredibly sorry for him, and I really feel bad for you. I can only imagine all the crap going on in your head, and your heart right now.

Take care okay?

Weaver

Also, was a NC letter sent? If so no copy was sent to OWH obviously.

Are you sure the affair is over? And if so what makes you sure that it is?

Not trying to hurt you, just trying to get a better idea of what has transpired.

<small>[ August 05, 2004, 05:47 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Weaver,
OW and her H were seperated at the time and her H refused to talk to me, he told me that their business was theirs and ours was ours and he wanted nothing to do with ours. What is strange is that he said word for word exactly what his wife said one of the times I tried to talk to her. I think she told him to stay away from me because she knew what I would tell him. The only proof I have that the affair has ended is that OW and her H are back together and my H swears it has ended. My H wrote a letter but I haven't mailed it because it didn't suit me, I thought it should say alot more.
It went like this
xxxxxx
This letter is to confirm that I have told you. There cannot be a friendship between us. And that I will not come in to the lab. To talk or for coffee.
xxxxx xxxxxxxxx

It was typed and then he signed it. I think it should be hand written so she doesn't think I typed it and then made him sign it. What do you think?
luvybug

The letter can be typed or handwritten. It should say Dear OW- I love my wife and we are working on our marriage. Please do not contact me for any reason, and I will not contact you.

Then send the letter, and get on with your marriage.

Luvybug,

Ok now I remember your story. I really like Believers reply - "send the letter, then get on with your marriage.

I have big trust problems with my Xfiance, we have now started dating again, very slowly trying to work out our problems and build a new better relationship with the MB concepts. I have printed alot of stuff from here on trust and given to him as well as the EN/Love Buster questionaires. We are working on the policy of radical honesty and the POJA. I no longer bring up the past or beat him up about, and I try to give him the benefit of the doubt when he doesn't do exactly as he said he would, regarding calling at a certain time, etc.

I think with me I realized that my trust issues were mine, and I had to figure out a way to get over the past, he has to figure out a way to show me he is trustworthy again and he is trying. Thats all we can do.

It is working for me, I feel so much more at peace about everything, and I have a certain amount of hope for our future, and faith that we will make it after all.

Hope this helps you somewhat, Luvybug.

Weaver