Thanks GC,

Even if your gifts go unnoticed or at least unrecognized now, they will remind her of what a mistake she made once her fantasy inevitably melts down. You may have moved on by then. It will only be one more reason to hold your head high as she suffers her consequences.

Gosh I sound bitter.

Yes WW will have to quit her job. She could have all the contact with him there she wanted without me knowing. Also she stays overnight in a dorm type environment with other men. It also includes frequent overnight trips to other municipalities, out of country conferences etc. She is very employable in her field, could earn a comparable wage in a heartbeat. Besides we don’t need the money as we had our house paid off last fall. I would not let her stay without that concession.

You might have noticed I am past the begging stage. I am ready to do this alone. If she gave us another chance, she will have to show me she’s ready to do what it takes.

I'm another Betrayed Husband.
Just entered the Plan B stage, and I'm definitely having a hard time.
I guess I'm pretty dedicated to my W and Marriage.
Considering all the details of everything that has been going on,
(If anyone hasn't read, my thread is here)
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=029414

I don't really know how much more dedicated I could be.
I can't relate to some of the other posters who seem to have women chasing after them while they are fighting for their marriage. I haven't had any of that. Probably a good thing, as I'm in a pretty bad place emotionally. I'm a pretty good looking guy too. Go figure.

Binder, did you feel this way before you even started plan B? If not, it took hold fast.

As far as your WW making amends with people if she comes back, she will probably be thinking about that on her own. I think it was KiwiJ told me that was a big worry for her when she was hobbling back into her M.

GC

I think I'm qualified to be here.

GC, the only reason I’ve left Plan B until 2 weeks ago is because the lawyers have been dragging their feet on the separation agreement since WW bought her house in mid May. Plus, it was on the advice of our MC to try a “constructive separation” last Dec. That was all the room WW needed to consummate her affair. We have been essentially living separately since then. One or the other would be at the house depending on who was working. I was ready for this, in fact, it was probably too late as I’ve witnessed far too much of her vulgar actions.

Now that I have my finances worked out, I feel comfortable with my independence. I also realize what I have put up with from the crazy lady and feel the resentment at times. I am a proud man. I feel that re-emerge at times. I will need a lot of time to rebuild trust. It is a core value for me. The longer this goes, the more difficult it will be.

I'm a FORMER BH.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Didn't have any support at all back in the late 80's and felt like I was the only guy in the world that had to deal with this...

I post here in the hopes of passing on a bit of hope to others that are going through the pain of dealing with infidelity.

Home is in Louisian, but I'm in Afghnistan for at least 8 more months... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Hello other BHs.

I'm curious. I have this theory that most BHs are the "Steady Eddie" types although some of us have anger and resentment issues from being a "SE."

Any thoughts?

Not trying to threadjack here. Just curious.

Mac

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cwmac:
<strong> Hello other BHs.

I'm curious. I have this theory that most BHs are the "Steady Eddie" types although some of us have anger and resentment issues from being a "SE."

Any thoughts?

Not trying to threadjack here. Just curious.

Mac </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CW,
Steady Eddie? I'll answer but define that for me so there's no misinterpertation. I wanna give you a quality answer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

All you H's hey guys!!!
It's a pleasure to be around men who'd rather save their marriages, I'm just like you and you guys give me stength to hang in! Please post, it helps a guy feel less alone.

I just saw this thread through the mist of timezones. I'm here, with my broken , hopeless heart. GOD alone knows whay I love her enough to put myself through all this.

Sorry, another BAD day with fear of NC failing after a promising month. Got kids so can't do plan B without screwing the kids up. * sigh *

Feeling crap is a default now....

GC uptown artfair? If so the best people watcing of the year!

Steady Eddie = the guy who is responsible. The nice guy but not the bad boy. The marrying type not necessarily the dating type. Grounded not the stuff of fantacies.

Mac

Bob Pure:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Got kids so can't do plan B without screwing the kids up. * sigh *
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you can. If children are best served by an intact family and if Plan B is the only hope to save the marriage, you must consider it.

The question then becomes timing and execution.

CW. Intersting question. I definitely fit that description. WW always told / tells me I was Mr reliable and the grounding factor in our relationship. Any problems she could just hand them to me.
Looking back, I think this was on of the biggest failings, me being so reliable / predictable. I am the one who did most of the cooking, cleaning, washing the clothes, as well as find time to keep in shape for her. It's no wonder WW was looking for some excitement, she had too much time on her hands <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and knew I was 100% loyal to her.
Most of our friends tell us both that she will regret it once she has time to sort her head out, but i think I should have spiced things up with some of my retired wild side. Sorry for the long posting but I think that you may be onto something here. And I am probably venting a bit...

Yeah, Uptown, then we might go over to Powderhorn. It will be a good time.

OM just told OMW he for sure wants the divorce, doesn't love her anymore, and doesn't want to talk about it any further. Blah blah blah.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cwmac:
<strong> Steady Eddie = the guy who is responsible. The nice guy but not the bad boy. The marrying type not necessarily the dating type. Grounded not the stuff of fantacies.

Mac </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NOPE! I was a mixture. I was never just the good guy, it's safe to say I am a reformed hell raiser. It took time to become domesticated. I was wild, a joker, spontaneous and outgoing...had lots of friends and some of them walked really on the wildside, and some were conservative. I grew up and realized "Hey I might actually live to be 25" and the next thing I knew I was 34..
go figure.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry no "steady eddie" I was a rebellious rescuer, I rescued my W, then girlfriend from shelters and foster homes when we were teenagers. Hmmm, maybe me losing my rough edge is what created this mess......you've got me wondering.

DAMMIT! I turn into the guy she wants me to be and then she wants the guy I used to be....

Aint Love GRAND!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey...just checking in from Ohio. I'll post a question tonight for some of the former BH's. Hang in there,Later and peace.

As a FBH, I have told my wife that I won't fight her or fight for her anymore. Marriage takes two and if she wants to play around again to do me a favor and be honest about her desires and her intent so we can split up and move on.

I also told my FWW that she has changed me. Her infidelity took a major toll on me. I won her back but I am now trying to find a way to fall back in love with her and to love her like I did before. It may not be possible for I feel like we have become roommates post Affair.

We have SF but that too is different....physical but not very emotional. I am trying because if I give up, the Marriage will be over forever.

Hi guys, all 18 of you (so far). Too soon brought up an interesting point. Since most WW's do come back to the marriage, how can you get through this and still retain your love for your wife?

Anyone thought about ways to stay committed to the marriage, but not feel like you are compromising yourself?

pheew... all the hard questions Beleiver.. just wanted to post to say I'm reading. Good to see there are still "LOYAL" men out there!.... I thought they did exist, but my faith is gone! Anyways I think the BS always feel like they are compromising something....its true.. it takes a long time.. (specially) for me to come to terms! And realize "yes this is what I wanted, now I got it, and then.. I have to deal with the internal struggle of knowing that 'I am not compromising'"

Time and effort will tell for all of us.. To all the BH out there (there are very strong, faithful women out there!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />