Joe
Thats tough. I as well am very close to her folks. I used to talk to them almost everyday at first. Them mom told WW that she fears that I was tring to put a wall between them. I haven't spoke to them sense. That was 2months ago. I knew them before I knew WW. Her parents and I worked together. Then she started working with us as well and that how we met.
They relly do mean a lot to me and I miss talking to them very much. I think about calling them all the time but don't dare. I fear that they wish me to just go away as well.

Joe, I'm really sorry, man. The in-laws really have to swallow a lot of fog from the WS. Some have a better appetite for it than others, but all are force-fed it and wind up gulping sooner or later. The alternative is to reject their family member, and almost nobody ever does that.

I never call the in-laws any more, and they don't call me. They don't like the spewed fog, they gag on it. But what choice do they have?

GC

Yeah, they tell me I'll always be a part of the family. How?

And I find it interesting that WS doesn't like to be alone in her apartment, but she told me that I was too dependent and that I needed to learn to be alone. A little contradictory don't you think? She hates lonlyness, but I'm suppose to like it because she did this? Oh the fog...

I never sent a plan B letter. In a way I suppose she is plan B'ing me right now. How do I handle the first call, if she calls? Should I answer it, should I be pleasant, or should I let her call a few times? Or should I answer it and say that I'm too busy to talk and I'll call back later, and not call? What do you do?

Three weeks to the day since D-day for me. Its been a bad time but today I am better than any day since.

WW is remorseful, confused, fog bound but maintaining NC and is in my house and our life right now.

Not sleeping well either which is a surprise to me.

I love her, but I am no dooormat. She must choose me not default to me. Work for both of us outstanding then.

Joe,
Don't know your situation. have you been in plan A and for how long?

I just came to MB weeks ago. I didn't really know what plan A was, but i got a lot of the same info from other books. I began to work on me, and I believe that's what brought WS back to me 2 and a half months ago. I spent the 2 months with her trying to be the best I could and showing her all my love. It was intense for 2 months. Then she snapped. Caved in to withdrawal I suppose. We never got into a recovery plan. I tried but she kept ignoring it. She has her own therapist, we never went together.

I had tried toi get her to fill out a needs list, no luck. I tried to get her to open up more by seeing me opening up, but she wasn't there yet.

She still , even the night she said we were through, admits that she loves me. That's a good thing I guess. But she's not in love with me.

I picked up on a few things she said that night she left that might help if we're ever to have contact again. She mentioned to me that she thought I lacked confidence, and that the OM was more her equal (they work in the same field, obviously good conversation). A couple of things I should improve on, and I will. But I wonder if she'll ever be around to notice.

One big thing she throws in my face - She says I'm not happy with my current job ans I've been bringing this anger home with me. She wants me to start my own business. She wants me to be happier. Hard to do when your world is crumbling. Hard to start a business when you're now stuck with all of the bills.

My WW has given me the same spue. "I love you but not in love with you" "OM feels Right". I would stay the the coarse and keep meeting the EN. Sounds like you were doing that. I wonder if she just had a relapse and is feeling guilty now. Or he figured out something that you were missing.


Stay the coarse, be pleasant but not bearing till you get a feeling of were she is at.

I'm a sucker, I would call her, mty thought is that I want her to see that I don't care what she does I am still here and not willing to give up.

WS's go through withdrawal when they don't make contact with OP, right? So is it safe to say that they go through withdrawal if they don't have contact with us? That would be a good thing, sort of the whole idea of plan B .

A man can dream can't he? I'm hoping that my WS is thinking of our intimate nights that we shared during 2 months of false recovery, while she is alone in her apartment. So longf as she isn't on the phone for hours with OM. Who knows/

Too soon - I think the marriage and trust can come back fully, but it takes time. You are still early in this. So don't give up.

RW - Hmmm, well you had a few days upstairs, now back to downstairs. Maintain your boundaries. Let her know that you will not move with her under the present circumstances.

RIF - Thanks for posting here, and giving all the these guys some hope that things can be good again. Also thanks for serving. Tell your friends too that we appreciate your sacrifices.

Graycloud - Don't know what to tell you, except watch your back. I still think the sparrow will be back. This guy is such a loser.

furnitureman - I am like you, in limbo. My life goes on and I am very happy. But I'm married with no partner. So I don't fit into the married crowd, and don't fit into the single crowd. I have been doing this for 18 long months, and would just like it to be over - either way is fine with me.

SNS - I think we are all making big changes. That is what will help us the most. Whether spouse comes back or not, I think we have grown for the better.

Knowtomuch - Don't believe her right away. I have been through this too long with WH. He first said goodbye to OW in a motel room, but it was never really goodbye. So don't expect too much.

Joe C. - If your wife gets over her fling soon, things will probably be fine. But if it drags on and on, you may lose your feelings for her.

PureBob -Somehow we have to cheer you up. The chances of your wife staying with OM are less than 3%. But in the meantime, we have to keep you alive.

Believer, thanks for your comments. You instill hope in those of us who need a little hope. You are a good person for your works.

Too Soon

yea I had a deadline and it was going to be a year. I was going to be a year on Plan B. I really loved her with ever thing I had. Even forgave her for the 1st affair and never through it in her face but Plan B got cut short this time because she is pregnant with OM baby. I even offered to adopt the child to raise as my own to save my marriage. My wife would go for that but he won't. I even wonder if I could deal with staying married although the child is not mine and that mine will always be apart of my wifes life now. But I do not know that will incredible diffucult. She now realizes what kind of man I am and said that she will regret loosing me for the rest of her life and I know she will

SA,

I just posted on your other thread.

You and your WW have to decide if OM should be in baby's life. It is not OM's choice. If he wants a baby of his own, he should marry and have his own with his wife, who he supports. If OM wants to be in OC's life, then he has to pay child support. If your MM and you decide to raise the baby in your family, have WW write the NC letter and you mail it to him.

how can it not be his choice he would have to give me adoption rights

Everyone,

I mostly lurk. However, there are a few ongoing issues that are on my mind.

Hey FM, how is it going? I hope FWW is on better meds and is coming out of the fog. Keep us posted; we are looking to learn what works, and what doesn't work.

No adoption rights needed, I learned on this website that any child born within a marriage, no matter who the father is, is assumed to be part of the marriage, unless there are claims to the contrary.

where is information and I guess he would have to take a fraternity test and then what. I can not longer father children so it is a no brainer

Joe
Yup your right, I've been watching WW for 2 weeks now with almost NC with OM. She has been miserable. I fear that if I back my contact off with her that I will lose what feelings I have left. I know that I can rebuild but why make more work of it. (Wyoming Cowboy Logic)

We had a long talk last night about OM and A. I feel great that it is resolved now. I spoke to OMW about him popping in on WW at lunch yesterday and she knew about it. Seems like they are in full R. YIPEEEE!!!

Know I just need to figure out what my next move should be.

Believer,
Your great, I must do all I can to believe her, this is one thing that has kept my hope up. Through all of this I have only caught her in 3-4 lyes. She has always told me what was happening and were they were at to a point. This is were I am so confused, I know that A's are full of lyes and deceipt. But for ten yrs WW has never done this. It is one of her qualities. Even now if I ask she tells me. Like yesterday when I found out that OM was there I called her and asked before she knew I knew. WW admitted it reluckantly but still admitted it. Then last night she recapped it to me.
Part of me is still very watchful while another says to believe her.

Hey - I just whacked a new guy, robnow99, with a big ol' board. Can somebody go over to his thread and give him a little sugar?

GC

GC, ouch!!!
I seem to remember you doing that to me once. It did help. Trueth realy does hurt. But your right the lack of looking were you step in this world in unreal.

Well, I'm still going along in Plan B. Nothing new here. Just trying to continue going through all of this.

Hope you guys are all doing okay.