I wish that we could all have a group meeting or something. It would be great to me you guys and talk.

I would dig that too Juke.

Well, I'm off to Utah. I may check in if I get a chance to check my email.

GC

GC,

I don't want to go on a date. I don't know what made me ask her. It's not as bad as you think, there are about 16 other friends going too. It'll turn out to be a big party. I won't ever be alone with the girl. Whew! I had myself worried there.

Still, WS hasn't called, and sticking to her guns that I should move on with my life. I really miss her. I'm tired of holding her pillow at night. It doesn't work, that's why I am up at this hour.

About meeting up with everyone, I'm in Ct.

O.K.,

I didn't go to work today. I'm going to work around the yard, even though I'm unsure of what will happen with the house.

I'm in a pretty bad mood, feelin' down. I just talked to my neighbor, she had an affair on her H a few years ago. They worked it out.

She said that's because she wanted to work it out. She said it sounds like my WS came back for 2 months only to discover that this isn't what she wants. My neighbor says I should move on, it's been 8 months of ups and downs, this time she's not coming back. I can't believe in something like that. I don't know what to do. Every day is so long, every night is so lonely...

Bye graycloud, have a good trip. Still haven't seen your picture. I can't get the album on my computer yet.

Joe - It is miserable for awhile, but life does go on. You guys will all either end up back with your wife, or someone else. Good men are hard to find.

I'm losing it today. Here's the deal. I haven't heard from WS since she left me again 3 weeks ago. I want to contact her so badly, I need to here her voice. I don't even know what there is left to say anymore, but I miss her voice. This is the longest we've gone without a word.

Maybe she really made uo her mind this time? Maybe she's so confused? Maybe guilt stops her from calling? I can't figure it out. We still have financial issues to go over about our house and things. It is wrong for me to call her, right?

I don't even know how to react when she does call. Do I plan A, or do I try to cut the conversation short? Do I tell her I love her? Do I send plan B letter after she tries to contact me? I just don't know anymore. I just want to talk snse to her, but I can't, no one can.

Her mom called me before. She said she hopes this relationship between WS and OM doesn't work out, and she hopes I can hang in there. But at the same time she's telling her daughter (WS) that she supports her with whatever choice she makes, as long as she is happy...ughh!

Why don't these people tell WS how wrong this is, if that's how they feel? WS told her cousin that she can't come back to me just because everyone wants her to, she doesn't love me like that anymore. Gee, that's not what she was saying when we were sleeping together just weeks ago...

Hey, Just thought I would jump in and say HI to all the other poor loyal husbands on here. Life kind of sucks right now but hopefully with help we can all pull it together and do whats best for ourselves and our families .

joe - It is completely miserable at first, but things will get better. Are you doing things for YOU? That helps.

hitman - Welcome to marriagebuilders. Stick with us and we will help you.

i'm in the midst of it, too. she's moving out any day to be with the OM. The A has been going on for around a month - I was increasinly suspicious then confronted her (with evidence, like time gaps, etc.) and she admitted. She says she want to leave and start a new life - we've been married 7 years. I really don't know what to do.

Ok guys add me to the fraternity, after coming to God in Feb/March I started working on my marriage full time, my wife towards the end started leaving when we would argue and go to a "friends" house, now all the details are coming out and they are very bad. I filed for seperation after the last time she left, she left the kids everytime but came back to take them and I wouldnt let her. She no longer is wearing her wedding ring now that I filed, of course it meant nothing when she was wearing it, and shes trying to take my kids(shes been telling me she wants her freedom, but freedom costs money she doesnt have, thats where the kids come in for her)

Joey,

Wish I could say I'm glad to see you here. But at least I can say welcome. I hope you find the support here you are lacking at home.

There are a lot of good men here who may be able to help you, and thank goodness for the women who are really good at pointing us in the right direction.

From the first time I showed up here, crazy and lost, Believer has been a point of inspiration and encouragement. God bless her.

Thanks for the welcome Tom, I usually post on the forum at www.familylife.com but things get slow there on the weekend and the kids are in bed and the past three days have been hell so I was looking for another group to join <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , I didnt try any of the plans though I kept letting her come back and she kept leaving then for the sake of my kids the last time she left I filed, I cant have my kids be lied to, its one thing to lie to me but to them thats a whole different story.

Welcome confusedhusband and Joey. You are in a great group here. Start in Plan A. You can read all about it on the link in my signature line.

Glad to hear from you Tom, I know you are very busy right now. Sorry about your wife's actions during the hurricane. Just goes to show how far all these WS's are from reality. Even a 145 mph hurricane doesn't wake them up.

I couldnt start at plan A, I didnt find out about the affair until after we seperated and she said they were "just talking", custody hearing coming up, the kids and I havent heard from her since last Tuesday.

joey - There is still time for Plan A. Your circumstances are not ideal, but you can still do this.

My FWW feels trapped in her new post affair life. After several months of ongoing contact after DD, I pressured her to quit the job that she really loved, to force NC with the OM.

I believe she remains in NC but she is unhappy with her new life. She is now working in our business but she would prefer to be a worker for someone else and not have to work with me, the BS. I don't even have that much contact with her and she comes and goes as she pleases but she doesn't have the comradery (sp) she had at her last job.

She complains she doesn't have any independence and freedom so I told her today to do whatever she wants to do. I told her she could quit our company, get a new job elsewhere, and even get her own apartment if that will make her happy.

Her past 8+ month affair has changed me and I am tired of fighting for a marriage that may not have enough in it to even save. Bottom line, I do not believe my wife even loved me prior to the affair and I don't think I compare well to her romantic fantasy love affair that was 22 yrs younger than me.

I have been the leader and strength in our marriage for 20 years and the leader and strength post affair and I am simply tired of her unhappiness and depressed state in our marriage. I got her back to the marriage but against her real desire to be free and independent. This freedom and independent quest from her was declared by her after DD so the affair had a big impact on her position and feelsings even today.

I asked her if she has had any contact since she quit and she said no. I asked her to please be honest with me and I will not fight to keep her but, as a courtesy to me, please be honest.

I commented early on this thread that I was like the dog chasing the car. I caught her now I don't know what to do with her.

She can get a new job but I was hoping that the common bond to build our business together would help us rebuild our marriage, but it isn't. She is not into the job and carreer like I am. It is hard for me to be optimistic about the long term probability of our marriage working. I am almost feeling like it would be easier to end it than keep it together.

I recently told her that I needed her to reinforce her committment to the marriage and to me and she said, "I will not kiss your A$$ and I don't want you to kiss mine." You know there was a time that she never even talked like that. She has gotten hard since the A and she has been generally unhappy with her new post Affair life. Today is the first time I told her to do whatever she wants. I told her to get the job of her dreams or go back to her old job, make enough money so you can get an apartment, move out if she wants, and date as many guys as you want.

Later she said to me that she now doesn't feel secure in her own home because of my statements to her. I laughed at her since I tried my hardest to beg her to break her A and I have done everything humanly possible to please her since DD to keep our marriage intact. Since Jan 04, DD, I have never really felt secure in our marriage.

I figure why continue to fight a fight that may not be worth winning. My kids know how unhappy she is so if freedom and independence is what she wants, i will give it to her. Depending on her level of freedom and independence she chooses to take will determine how long I stay with her as her H. I know one thing for sure, our marriage nor I will ever be the same.

TooSoon

Too soon. You are right, it would be easier to end the marriage, than to work on it. But I think you need to work on the marriage, so that 10 years from now you will be able to look back and say you did your best.

I have been working hard for months but I must accept it takes two committed people to make it work. Nothing will happen over night but I am giving her the ability to make the changes she claims she wants, including leaving without a fight or tears from me.

If she stays by her choice, maybe things will improve. If she is going to walk, I would just assume it be sooner than later. I hate this state of constant unhappiness by her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TooSoonToBeComfortable:
<strong>
If she stays by her choice, maybe things will improve. If she is going to walk, I would just assume it be sooner than later. I hate this state of constant unhappiness by her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I couldn't agree with that anymore. I told my W the other day that if she descided she doesn't want to be with me , or that I am not the one to make her happy, that I should then be the first to know.

The beauty of the marriagebuilders program, is that either you end up with a better marriage than before, or you change so much that you don't care if your spouse does not come back to the marriage.

In my case, WH is still living with OW. But after 19 months of trying, I know I did my best to save the marriage. Also I have changed, and am happy with my life without him. You guys will make it too.