Okay, I'm BH. My wife is currently living with OM. I'm trying to work on a good Plan B. Just really started Plan B a couple of days ago. I have pretty much avoided all contact. I have to talk to her today because it's her time to pick up our 3 boys. 1,3,5. Here is my question.

She is asking me for 2 favors. First is to meet her halfway to her destination this evening with the kids so she doesnt have to drive out of her way to pick them up. This would probably save her about 45 minutes drive time.

The 2nd is to keep them Saturday because she has a wedding to go to. I had previously said that I "might" do it, I never actually agreed to it. Had she not ostracized all her friends and family she would easily be able to have the kids watched. Now noone helps her with anything because they all disapprove of what she has done.

So what do I do? Am I nice to her or not accomodating. When I was in Plan A I was very accomodating. Even letting her keep the kids here on the weekends so she wouldn't have to "burden" OM and roommate in their small apartment. She has had the kids 4 weekends now and I bet you could count the hours on 2 hands that OM has spent with our children. Sounds like she really believes he can take them. He's 35, married, and has never had kids BTW.

To be quite honest, I'm tired of being nice to her. She's had it too easy. I feel like I need to inject some reality into her world by not being the nice loving husband that I have previously been.

Here is her email....


I hope the kids did well last night. I'm taking them to mama's house tonight. I don't suppose you would want to meet me at ChickFilA in Wake Forest tonight with the kids?

Will you still watch them tomorrow for the wedding? I know you said you would, but your mood changes so much, I 'm not sure what mood you're in today.

I don't know why someone smarter than me hasn't answered you yet, but here is my reply.

Have you sent a plan b letter? Have you set up a go-between for contact? If not, then you are not in plan b. You are still in plan A.

You seem to have two choices. If you don't go along with her plans, you will be "in a bad mood." If you do, you will be considered "in a good mood."

I'm no expert on this, I'm just a beginner, but your reply could be along the lines of:

My moods are directly linked to your infidelity. When you no longer have contact with OM, you will find me in a surprisingly good mood all the time. Then state what you will or will not do for the weekend (your decision) and follow up with an appropriate statement - concern for her and the kids, etc.

This is just a suggestion from a rookie, but perhaps someone else will have a better, more experienced answer for you.

Starz, you are right. Level3, if you get email like that from her, that's no plan B. You should have a go-between. It will make it much more of a pain for her to change plans on you this way, and you won't be involved.

Get in a better plan B. It sounds like you two are communicating too much.

GC