I am really confused these days. I find myself more and more retreating from my WH and putting up walls to prevent myself from being so vulnerable. He is so hard to understand - he keeps saying that this is not going to be resolved over night - I jsut don't know how to hang on with out getting hurt anymore. There is so much I want to share and express to him = but I find myself hesitant. Besides - OW is still in the picture. And he said there is no way that he is going to shut off his phone ab\nd close down the email account - he needs to talk with her and work towards a resolution.

Sounds like hogwash to me - but he said the solution to our problems is not going to come from books or seminars, talking through it or thinking about it. It will come from the heart.

At least he is still being sweet to me - and giving hugs to me - and I don't discount the fact that we had the best @@@ we have ever had 2 nights ago - twice! OK - so I shouldn't have given in - but - HE wanted me - abd couldn't keep his hands off. And I loved it!!

But again - it resolved nothing. He leaves on Sunday for 4 nights to Wisconsin for a business trip - I know know it's business. And I am ok withit - wish I could go - but when we talked about it months ago (before OW was back) it was decidede that since it was going to be so much work that I should stay home.

He tells me = listen to what my heart says about progress that we have made (tiny baby steps at best) and be patient with myself. Nothing is gong to cahnge overnight - he ksspe reminding me - I JUST WANT OW GONE!!!

Hey...at least your H wants to be intimate with you! My H says he can't imagine being initmate with me...I guess maybe that's guilt talking.
My H is also still "talking" to OW. He says there is no contact but he has to help her through this too because he hurt her also. She didn't know he was married until they were together for 7 months.
I feel your pain and am here to help if I can.

JFaye,
Sounds like you are in Plan A. How long have you been there ?
OW has to go.
period.
I don't care what he says about books and seminars, it's his way of JUSTIFY THE FACT HE IS CHEATING ON YOU.
Why that is...I don't know, they all do it. It sucks.
He's right nothing changes overnight, but NC can begin with OW immediately.
You're in a good place, have you considered Plan B ?

Ahh, yes, the old "it has to come from the heart." WH and I are in recovery for about 3 weeks and I heard the old "programs deal with issues, but they can't change feelings." As SH said (I immediately counseled with him after my WH fed me this line): feelings follow actions. SH also suggested that I introduce the program slowly, just gather info on MB and let him listen to the intro tapes. I haven't gotten to that point, since my WH also doesn't do well with "programs or books"--but I will. I guess he just likes to think that his A was very special.

After 3 weeks of recovery (and NO CONTACT), I have definitely noticed a change in WH and his "feelings." They are returning slowly, although we are not there when it comes to SF--You are LUCKY for that. But don't let him be a cake eater!!! NO CONTACT is a must!

PS. My WH also wanted to end the A "his way"--you know, very slowly. They all use the same script.