Just got back home with my son to find that my wife had sent me an email. I'm going to post the email in full with only the names disguised but to be honest I am panicking. What does it mean?


Hi ***** (me, BS),

Just a quick message to ask if you can please find out afew things for me to pick up on Sunday when i collect ***(Our son); the bags of clothes in ***'s(Our son) cupboard, our marriage certificate and could you also let me know if our Endowment policies are joint or seperate.

Also when you get time email the list of things you mentioned today so i can read it.

Hope ***(Our son) is ok and i will ring later tonight.

Thanx *****(My wife)

Sorry. Maybe I'm feeling a little down tonight but this email has thrown me. Help.

Hi,

Sorry for your sitch. As for your son's things, that's her right to collect if she w/b watching him. As for the marriage certificate and joint policies, they belong to both of you. She can always get a copy of the marriage certificate and joint policies herself. Let her.

What do you think she is up to? I have my own ideas but I am not you.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. WS' on the warpath can get pretty ugly.


L.

Hi Orchid.

My WW does have a right to collect my sons things but she is taking the best of my sons things and leaving me with nothing. I understand what you are saying about the marriage certificate and endowment policies. When I reply to my wife tomorrow I will point this out to her. I am not her dogsbody. If she wants that information then it's upto her to find that information.

What is your idea of what she is upto?

I'm hurting so much that I can absorb anything.

Please tell me...

Suggested response....

Hi ***** (me, BS),

Just a quick message to ask if you can please find out afew things for me to pick up on Sunday when i collect ***(Our son); the bags of clothes in ***'s(Our son) cupboard,

OK .... whose clothes are these? Your son's or hers?

If these are the boy's clothes necessary for the visit... no problem. pack nicely in appropriate backback or something.

If these are her clothes, put them (shove them) into a paper or plastic bad and leave them in the garage. Let her pack her clothes herself.

our marriage certificate

Say ... "No can do. It's put away for safe keeping." Put it in the safety deposit box or leave it with your family for safe-keeping. This is a very fishy request.

and could you also let me know if our Endowment policies are joint or seperate.

Nope. Let her do her own investigation work. Are you her minion? Say, "Sorry dear. I am too busy."

Also when you get time email the list of things you mentioned today so i can read it.

What is she talking about?

Hope ***(Our son) is ok and i will ring later tonight.

"Our son misses having his family together. But he's OK right now."

She's a bold one.

Pep

S2MS, I've gotten emails just like this. The evil robot springs into action. They're very painful to get. Every time I got one from my WW, I knew it was going to hurt. I'd read the message and get that adrenaline rush, a wave of heat and panic.

For me, I feel a certain amount of relief since my WW filed last week. She has no more ammunition to fling at me, and I can move forward without being on pins and needles all the time, wondering, is she going to do it?

Keep posting. Protect that little handful of hope you still have. All you can really do right now is let things play out and get yourself through it.

GC

Thanks for posting. Don't know if I suffered some sort of mini panic attack last night after reading my wifes email but it totally threw me off gaurd even though I've tried to prepare myself for these type of emails. Went to bed early last night and a good sleep has left me feeling a lot calmer. The part that panivked me in the emial was the mention of the marriage certificate. I suggested a legal seperation yesterday to my wife and listed my terms to her. I made it clear that my terms were open to compromise. Does the mention of the marriage certificate mean that she is preparing for divorce? It means nothing to me really if she is. A divorce is only a piece of paper. It won't stop her thinking about me in the future when the fog starts to lift and it won't stop her feelings of shame and guilt.

Thanks for the suggested responce pepperband. I will incorporate some of your ideas into my reply.

graycloud. An adrenaline rush, a wave of heat and panic. I'm going to have to get used to those feelings I fear. I intend to keep on posting and posting here because it really helps me to cope at the moment. I feel though as if I'm being pushed and pulled in every direction though.

Oh well.... wonder what today will bring.

Thanks.

That feeling still washes over me whenever the sparrow does some new thing to break our lives apart. Used to be, one maneuver like that would cripple me for the rest of the day and night, sometimes longer. Now it just knocks me a little off balance but I stay standing, and after a little while I'm moving again.

She will continue to hurt you, probably. Just Learning has warned me, and I'll warn you - the danger is that absorbing all that damage will eventually kill your desire for her to come back, or it will affect your ability to participate in recovery.

I think you need to be careful about that legal separation. Personally, they scare me. I guess it can be necessary when the WS is going cuckoo and you have to protect assets. Somebody here posted once that 95% of legal separations end in D. I don't know if it's true, but that's a frightening number.

GC

Hi graycloud.

At the start when my wife walked out on me I visited the doctors and he offered me anti-deppressants. I refused them because I thought I could cope with everything my wife would throw at me. Now I find something as trivial as an email upsets my entire evening. I think I'm gonna make an appointment with the doctor at the start of the week and take him up on his offer. Whe I see my wife and I have twice this week I start to shake badly. It starts in my hands and works it's way up my body and eventually affects my voice. The more I try to control it the worse it gets. I can't take feeling like this anymore. I want to come across as strong and confident and happy when I see her and I'm not achieving that.

95% of legal seperations end in divorce. That is a very high number. Very frightening and the opposite of what I want to achieve. I need to be able to think straight.

Thanks.

Yes, S2MS, get on those drugs, fast as you can. I remember posting one day, before mine started to work, that I felt like some kind of "spiritual crocodile" was shaking the life out of me. Just blinding emotional pain.

I still experience the same moods sometimes that I was having before the ADs, but I can feel them stop before they get where they used to. And they're much more uncommon now, two months later.

Get yourself set up for the long haul. Your life could be effed up for a while, and you want to be ready to handle it. Use all the tools in the box, and don't let pride and fear guide your choices.

GC

Thanks graycloud.

I replied to my wifes email. It's not much and I'm sure it's gonna p*** her off but everything I do or don't do at the moment seems to have the same effect and reaction.

Hi (Wife.)

Hope you are well and had a good time last night. I am very busy at the moment but I had a quick look in the cupboard and found one small bag of clothes which I have placed with your other stuff in Son's room.

I have our marriage certificate and it is in a safe place. You can get a copy of it from the Births, Deaths and Marriages Registrar in ********* Street in (Town) If I recall correctly. It shouldn't be too expensive.

As for the endowment policies I have no ideas whether they are joint or seperate. Contact (Mortgage company) for more information.

Son is OK at the moment. He is missing having his family together but I am doing my best to help him cope with the situation. He is a very long way from recovering from the shock of you walking away from the marriage but he is adapting as all children do so well. Considering his young age his bravery is making me so proud of him. He is looking forward to being with you on sunday and really enjoyed talking to you on the phone last night. I'm going to try and lock the dialling out option on his mobile today to avoid miscalls like last night.

**(Dropped the phone on the bedroom floor as we were getting ready for bed and it called my wife. Embarrassing and stupid, stupid, stupid.)**

Take good care of yourself.

Me.

stms,

I know that when I went thru what you are going thru, that I went six weeks with nothing, basically had a nervous breakdown.

My boss got me to a doctor, who saved my life. I couldn't eat sleep or quit crying. I lost major weight and could not stop REACTING.

The Dr put me on Celexa and Xanax to help until the anti-D's kicked in.

I cannot tell you how much this helped me.

Please RUN to the doctor and get some help. Tell all and I can guarantee you will get some stuff to help you cope.

Please try to step back and not react. Acknowledge what it is you are feeling and decide what is healthiest for you, your spouse, your marriage, and this situation you are in.

Don't give up the marriage certificate, etc. Just tell WS you cannot cope at this time and will get back to her later when you are feeling better.

Just my very humble opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

oh, and ps. (((((hugs!!!!)))) Am so sorry you are going thru this.

You know that healthy people get help when they don't know what to do. Have you considered a good IC? Hopefully, someone can recommend someone to you who is good. I can recommend a GREAT one, however, you have to be in the Puget Sound area. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Miss M and thankyou for your kindness.
I'm going to the doctors monday morning. I thought I was coping so well but I have noticed some little changes which are worrying me. I've been getting a good 7 hours sleep recently but I'm still feeling tired when I wake up. This morning when I started posting I felt fine but 2 hours later and I'm shattered.

I would love to see a counciller face to face and talk but it all comes down to money. It's all so expensive and I've been left with all the bills. Don't earn much money at work and I can't do overtime because of having joint custody of my son. I have some good family and friends that I can talk to but sometimes I need more if you know what I mean.

Do you think talking to the Samaritans will help?

Thanks again for your kindness, concern and hugs!

STMS,

I am assuming that the Samaritans are a Christian group?

All I know is that I looked to God , and He spanked me Big Time. Showed me what I needed to do to change myself, and although my FWS had been wrong, it did NOT give me the right to react the way I did to all his problems.

Please, if you cannot afford counseling, and I am assuming you don't live in the Puget Sound area, And I cannot give you a recommendation, that you need to read your bible and let the Lord lead you.

I suggest Proverbs and Psalms. I am a Christian, and I looked to the Lord. I did not have MB, but the Lord gave me all that MB gives. The Lord gave me MB 2 months after NC. I just let the Lord spank me, because although my H was wrong, I was wrong also. I straightened myself out and my H came back to me.

Remember that your spouse is in the fog. Remember also that you have the tools here to help you recover. Learn, learn, learn. And I wish you the best.

God Bless you, keep you and please get to the doctor asap.

I hope I have not offended you. Sometime the Lord brings you to this place to bring you to Him.

But after all , this is just my very humble opinion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((((hugs!!!!)))) and thank you for responding.

Prayers for you and your wife.

Love in Christ,
Miss M