I mentioned on a previous thread that my H will be going on a business trip in two weeks. It is his first. He was excited to go until he found out that he had to room with his boss. He said that there is NO WAY that he was going to stay in a room with his boss. He told me he wanted to find another hotel so he could have a room by himself, even if he has to pay for it. This all made me start to wonder.

Well, today I came home from work and listened to my voice activated recorder. I heard him make a reservation for another hotel. He asked for a king size bed. They apparently didn't have one, so they offered him a room with two queen size beds. Then, get this, he asked, "I may or may not have someone else with me, a friend. Is that OK? Do I have to let you know? No? OK." WTH!

First of all, why would he ask for a king size bed if he's sharing with a "friend?"

Second, if he were planning on taking me with him, he would say WIFE, not FRIEND. By the way, when he asked me to come up with an excuse to not stay with his boss, I said, "just take me with you. That's a good excuse." I wasn't serious, I just wanted to see his reaction. From his reaction, he didn't like the idea.

What's the best thing to do now?

<small>[ August 06, 2004, 06:02 PM: Message edited by: svb ]</small>

Sounds like the trip is going to his head. Let him know that his actions and reaction is not making you feel safe. Don't outline your course of action but you may need to prepare for plan B. R U up to it? Remember don't share your strategy.

L.

I am afraid to mention my fears to him about the trip because he will flip. He has already told me that he feels that I am watching his every move and he feels smothered.

I'll start thinking about plan B.

More fog talk. Now let's teach you how to respond or not respond.

When he says stuff like:

WSH: I feels that you watching my every move and I feels smothered.

BS: What would you do if I did to you what you are 'doing' to me? I mean, I don't feel safe with your moves.

If he answers: Well I understand but I still feel smothered.

BS: Better you smothered and be alive in a safe M than me be dead due to an adulterous WS.

If he answers: I wouldn't smother or watch your every move. I trust you.

BS: Well I am not at that point yet. Humor me. ok? I need to feel safe.

The above scenarios are samples of reverse babble.
L.

svb, if he is having an affair, how would he be contacting this person?

ML, I wish I knew.

O, can I go to plan B if I don't know who the OP is, or if he's never fessed up to an A?

I'm in my bad place again today. I was full of hope last night ... until I heard this on my recording today. I'm back to wanting to go to plan D from plan A.

svb,

I don't spend much time on this site these days, but I wanted to check in on you. You're obviously doing a great Plan A, because your H is seeing the change in you (from your other posts).

Can you tell from your recording what hotel your H will be staying at? Can you tell from your phone records (may have to talk to phone company and get this info before your bill would normally come to your house). If you can find out where he's staying, you could hire a PI or show up and surprise him.

This whole thing is so weird. He's probably taking a girlfriend or boyfriend but it doesn't sound like he's emotionally attached to that OP. It sounds like he feels adrift in his M (no surprise, since he doesn't tell you what his needs are and give you an opportunity to improve), and is spending time with OP to kind of see what might be out there, or to wean himself away from you, or just for excitement... whatever it is, it doesn't sound like he thinks OP is a "soulmate", and that's good. But there's obviously someone else filling some sort of role, and that's bad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Or maybe he wants the king sized bed in case he decides to bring a hooker to the room with him, or pick up someone casually at a bar or something.

I get the feeling he's casting about, not that he's attached to someone in particular.

I am a woman of action...

I would do this.....

Find out where he is going to be staying ... hire a PI to watch him in that city.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Or maybe he wants the king sized bed in case he decides to bring a hooker to the room with him, or pick up someone casually at a bar or something.

I get the feeling he's casting about, not that he's attached to someone in particular.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I get this same feeling as Turtlehead. I have asked if this was possible before.

You don't know for sure what he is doing. You finally have the opportunity to find out exactly what is going on. USE IT!!!!!!!

Do whatever is necessary, follow him yourself, or higher a PI. This is a great chance for you to get some Q's answered. Do what you must.

Best of luck KY

Hi guys. Thanks for the responses.

H is out of town right now. He left Monday and will be back on Thursday.

Here's what I've found out so far. He is not rooming with his boss. He is rooming with another co-worker from another region that he went to training with. This co-worker's girlfriend, who also works for the same company, will also be there, and one of her friends. They are all hanging out together. I heard my H talk on the phone to this co-worker last week to ask for sure if they can room together. They are all staying in the same hotel where all the employees in his region are staying - including his boss. However, I never heard him cancel the room at the other hotel - which made me nervous. I do know the name of the other hotel (where he made the reservation), and I just called and asked for him there. I was told that he is not staying there.

I do feel better about this trip, although not 100% better. I thought about hiring a PI for this trip, but I decided against it when I heard him call this co-worker about rooming together. Since I heard this call on my voice activated recorder, as opposed to my H just telling me about staying with this fellow, I believe it is true. Plus, I can't afford that kind of money right now. I'm probably making a big mistake, I know.

I think I agree with the fact that he's probably not emotionally attached to anyone right now. If he were, I think he'd be behaving a lot differently, by reading other posts here. For instance, he'd be making his trips a lot more ofter than every two weeks. Also, I'm sure I would have heard many conversations on my VAR by now. And why would he even consider moving away if he were emotionally attached to an OP here?

Still, though, he's not sure if he wants to be married to me. He seems to be going through some MLC and wants to live the single life again. I think he might love me at some level, but he is definitely not IN LOVE with me right now. It still hurts a lot and I am confused. I go from thinking that I love him and want to win him back into this M, to thinking that I would be better off finding someone who really will love me.