My WH refuses to give up OW he realizes he has been wanting his cake and eat it too. Thought he coiuld have his marriage and a deep emotional relationship with OW. Told me he doesn't know how to let her go, nor does he know how to find the desire to do that. I asked him to please give her up - work on recovery and rconcilliation with me - and he said - Why after what I said do you have these expectations for me. I responded that it was becasue I thought that our vows and marriage were a committment not to be broken, that our children deserved a WHOLE family and that becasue he such a caring and thoughtful person (at least to everyone else he is) that our marraige and 20 years together should mean something worth fighting for.

I asked him if he would read Surviving an Affair with me - if he would go no contact and work through the process. He said he couldn''t do it honestly - hje said I deserve to have him come to me honestly and with love. SO no - he won't come at all.

I don't want him to leave - but I can't take this any longer - It's ki8lling me inside. All the peace and joy that I have worked so hard to build in me are all gone. Even the anger - which I ahve worked to release in ways that won't hurt him is gone. I just want him to "fix" it. He broke it - I broke it - I am fixing my part - whay can't he fix his!

How can he stand there and say he doesn't feel love from me - when all I have done is loved him. In many days - in all my actions, my support and encouragement. I ahve listened to him for hours, shown an interest in his music, EVEN ENCOURAGED HIM TO GO ON CHOIR TRIP WHERE HE MET OW!!! I sat through a horrible miscarriage while he was in England singing with the choir, I soent my anniversary alone because he wantde to do a condert down south with the choir.

I have helped him at work, finished projects withj himj, played the perfect wife of the perfect businessman. I given my all to support him, worked to put him through school. I have taken care of the kids - expected very little from him in return - I ahve cleaned, copoked, entertained, dieted, preened myself to look attractive. I AM SICK of hearing myself say all this - I ahve been a total !@#! All becasue I LOVED him and wanted to do my best for him.

And he says I don't love him --- EXCUSE ME - I am not having the EA!!!!

I worked on myself - did some hard searching of who I am - becam e "enlightened" am loving myself and FINALLY comfortable in my own skin - something that he said would help our relationship - a place for us top begin. YEAH right -

OK -SO this isn't getting anywhere - but it is letting me vent some steam so I won't HIT him when he comes home.

fog babble. Sounds like you have been in plan A a bit tooo long. U ready for plan B?

L.

Well, what are you willing to do about it? This has been going on for years and nothing has changed. I am curious why you think anything would change now?

Just what are you willing to do?

Have you considered calling Steve Harley and having him assess the situation?

JF,
Mel and Orchid are right. He has the best of both worlds, and he is allowed to do so. He's told you he can't bear to let her go....can he let you go ?

Tough love....consider Plan B. He can't be allowed to just waiver back and forth in his own turmoil. This is getting increasingly difficult for you to bear.