My situation may be a bit different then most. My wife left, quite suddenly in April of this year and moved into a new apartment. After two weeks, she had a one-night stand with an employee (it happened AT work and she barely knew him). Three days later, she caught herself in yet another relationship, this one far more serious.

Regardless of all that, my wife and I for the last while have gone back and forth between getting back together and 3 days ago decided to really go for it. It has been 2 weeks since she ended her relationship with her affair, and about 1 1/2 weeks since I ended mine.

As for me, the ending stage was rather quick... I got into my affair only as a bandaid for my wife's, so the attachment was almost non-existant for me. For my wife it seems very different. She's putting off telling him to stay out of her life.

This is a difficult situation for me personally. I'm ready to get a move on things, and was definately for moving back in together. My wife, however, is still extremely hurt by my affair and it seems she is still extremely hurt by her own. She has told me she still loves me, which I believe, but it seems like she's avoiding making the commitment to fixing our problems and trying to move past the affairs.

I guess I'm looking for advice in this situation. I want to start having a physical relationship with her again (not even sex neccesarily) and she says it's too "weird". Is this normal? We begin counseling next week, but I told her it isn't even an option until she tells her affair to stop calling and coming over to her apartment. She gets rid of him or doesn't answer the phone but won't just tell him to go away.

What should I do here? I think it's best just to avoid a physical relationship, but it's really hard since we spend all of our days together (outside of work).

Dear JHall,

I'm not sure I'm getting this.
Your wife suddenly moved out and then had sexual relationships with other men, and you with another woman. How does this qualify as affairs if you were separated? And why did she move out to go live into a new appartement? That sounds rather serious. Did she move out because she was already involved in an affair at that time perhaps?

You're right that there is no point in starting a relationship again together when she's still involved with someone else.

Please read up on the stuff here on MB, Emotional Needs, Surviving the Affair etc. You will find it very helpful and you'll be able to understand your wife's reactions better, too.