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Two years ago - I had an affair. It was after 16 years of marriage to my WH - years of not enough time with him, lousy communication, not alot of attention. Along comes old boyfriend - my 20 year class reunion was coming up and he found me. I should have run the other way. But I didn't - and I was ripe.
Long story short - it put my WH through hell, and it was during this time that he became emotionally involved with the OW. It has gone on for 2 years now (off and on). And it finally hit me - this is becasue of me. And to top it off - while I have insisted that WH not have contact with OW - I never gave up contact with OM. I mean it is no longer anything but a friendship - I no longer have any feelings for him. And I mostly turn to him becasue he makes me laugh and listens to me. So I wrote my own NC letter to OM and am done. with it. God grant me the strength to stick to it. BUT - I see how that has contributed to my current problems with WH. We are emotionally bankrupt.
He told me yesterday that I need get back to God - find that voice in my heart that gives all peace and joy. Only through that can I find the joy to his need right now - "the comforts of home". He says he does not like to be home with me - there is no joy and very littel happiness here. Anhd it always feels like work. And you know - he is right - I can see it now.
I have done a load of thinking and praying today - and I have found a start with in me to make MY changes. Instead of praying - CHANGE HIM, I am finally able to say change me. I really have no other place to start.
Last night was tough - and I was weepy and confused. He says it seems he is on the path to a divorce. Even if he desired to end relationship with OW he doesn't now how - and doesn't want to. And then I cried that I just don't know how to keep loving him - that I feel it being sucked out of me. That I wish I knew what to do for him - and he reciprocated that he wish he knew what to do for me. He rubbed my back and listened to me.
And then this morning - I have lousy mornings - I lost it again. Why do I wake up that way? I think I put a finger on it. FOr years my WH has given me a peck on the check, or a quick pat on the back - a good morning, something. Now he just gets up puts on his clothes and shoes and says he's going for a walk. The most intimate times for us have always been mornings and bedtime. I miss that horribly. I wish we could come up with a different morning routine that didn't feel so lonely.
Anyways - I am off to read the power of a praying wife - more prayer.
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WARNING R-rated contentRamp up your sexual agressiveness with your husband. Go to Victoria Secrets ... and buy some good stuff. Wear your new pretty short robe open in the morning showing off your new lace. Bend over and pick things up off the floor so he can see under your short robe. Look fantastic. Smell great. Smile. Give soft eye contact, then smile and quickly look away.... then look back and shut your eyes while smiling. You are trying to ATTRACT a male of the species... remember that? It's NOT that hard (sorry guys, you know it's true) He's visual. Appeal to his SENSES right now ... not to his sense <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Wake him up in the morning (or in the middle of the nite) with a BJ. If you do this every day for a week.... what might happen? Cook his favorite meals. Play his favorite music. Touch him inappropriately under the table in the restaurant. WOO HIM SEDUCE HIM Leave little room for him to be thinking about another woman. Take up all the space in his consciousness with the "WOW" factor of geting a lot of sexual attention from his WIFE! You'll have fun ... and he's an easy mark.... know why? HE LOVES YOU!!!!!!!! Pep <small>[ August 07, 2004, 12:35 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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sigh..............what a ho-bag!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
<small>[ August 07, 2004, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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uh oh...
here comes Peps. famous hair-flip...batting eye lash look...
mel, I am soooo jealous...
aren't you....
no one
NO ONE does the hair flip like pep..
ark
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane: <strong> sigh..............what a ho-bag!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You talkin' to ME? HUH? Who ya talking to if ya ain't talkin' to ME???? (Taxi Driver) Bwhaaaaaaaa Pep to ML ---> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <small>[ August 07, 2004, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane: <strong> sigh..............what a ho-bag!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You talkin' to ME? HUH? Who ya talking to if ya ain't talkin' to ME???? (Taxi Driver) Bwhaaaaaaaa Pep to ML ---> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If the shoe fits, you BAD GIRL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Mel<----who admits that she may have FLASHED DH a few times! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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It's very difficult to flip helmet hair...hehehe
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Jfaye... pay no attention to the plain women makin' fun of Pep.... they're green with jealousy coz I know how to flip my hair... and my eyelash batting is legend.
Melody's hair won't flip coz it's HUGE and HARD with Texas hair spray ...She's known around these parts as "helmet hair".
....and Ark's hair is tied in a tight little bun under her nursing cap.... like granny's.
UP YOUR GAME JFaye ... you are a tigress too. Strut your stuff ... and your H will be beggin' for more. If you follow Pep's game plan for a month without fail... your man will be drooling over you.
Pep
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OK - so am I suppose to take this sex thing seriously - OH I WISH it was that easy!!
But we did have fabulous sex a few nights ago - TWICE. Didn't resolve anything - but we BOTH loved it!
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Pep, I detect some major jealously in that silly left coast voice, Missy!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> shaddup, jph!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Don't hate me because you yankee gals all have the flat head! harumpf! {"texas hair spray?????" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!] Mel<--------------think I peed myself laughing over that one! Lol!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jfaye:
<strong> OK - so am I suppose to take this sex thing seriously - OH I WISH it was that easy!!
But we did have fabulous sex a few nights ago - TWICE. Didn't resolve anything - but we BOTH loved it! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes... I am serious!
Commit to seductive wife behavior for a MONTH ... see what you get!!!!!!
YES....... it is that easy.
Besides, it's fun and what have you got to lose?
Have you got a better idea?
Pep
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He says he does not like to be home with me - there is no joy and very littel happiness here. Anhd it always feels like work. And you know - he is right - I can see it now. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I rest my case..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Fun Joy Sex Laughter BJs Food Music Lacy under things .......... it worked for us! Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> can't wait for Mr. Pep to get home ... hmmmmmm this thread has me all riled up!
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yes I do believe PEP is right... That would work on me..2bad it doesnt work on women! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I think the key is to do it consistently for a month. Don't do it for 2 nights and then want to talk about it. Ravishing lovers don't sit around lamenting over what they just did. If after sex he wants to talk about the duldroms "jump on his lap" or go south or something. DONT TALK unless its seductive or funny. It will change his state of mind and after a few weeks of you being the most vivacious creature that GOD has created his attatchment to OW will start to dissipate. It must! I repeat the key is not to conversate afterwards about the R.
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jfaye...
even though pep lies about mel and i being plan faced.....(not quite what she said but I can spin anything)..she is right...
He told me yesterday that I need get back to God - find that voice in my heart that gives all peace and joy. Only through that can I find the joy to his need right now - "the comforts of home".
your husband gave a key to fixing this...he also told you that he believes in you...and your ability for him and you to find joy and happiness again in your marriage....
blessed are you...
for he offered hope...
none of what we are recomending is to deny your pain
or to deny the fact that both of you have miles to go to learn in thought and in action the real action of marriage vows..
to love
to honor
and my favorite on to cherish
in action....
you have choices and options as we all do...
when with you you can set the tone to be
depressive
and droopy
and overwhelming....
and as human nature directs us....we all flee from those things...
to that even though false is not those things...ie the other woman....
rest assurred she goes to great lengths to be charming and nonburdonsome, and witty and pretty...
and when he only gets the opposite from you it feeds in to his need to villify you and the relationship...
my wife is depressing
my wife is nagging
my wife is never happy
and the more you play in to those negative connotations the more it feeds his "belief" to go to the OP....
you are not any of those things without good cause and great pain..and this is not to deny these things...
but if all you show him is your pain and sadness...he will not be able to see it...
and will hide from it....
he find it overwhelming and easier to avoid...
and the more you do it..the more it becomes the expected way things are between you and him...
you must choose a path that also shows him that you believe enough in you and him to move past this...
that you do believe that there can be happiness and joy and love in your home....
so you do these things
and you will get his attention...
not by standing in front of him a saying in words in action...
SEE HOW MUCH I HURT...
but by moving to his peripheral and whispering
I am here.
and I want you here with me....
so you take control of the home and you fill it with love and joy ...and you show him in metered doses your pain....
you play soft music or fun music in the background...
you cook meals that fill the home with wonderful aromas....that remind him of happier times...
you make his favorite dessert and leave it for him to eat...
you invite him to do things with you....
watch a movie...
go to play
and even if he says no...you go....
you whistle or hum...catchy little tunes...
smell great...
look great
smile....
all these are glimpses of what really can be....
tell him memories that make him and you smile...tell him you were out somewhere and something reminded you of something that made you and him laugh....
quit having lousy mornings...
pray pray pray
seek Gods guidance and Grace...
be strong and confident that you care enough to be able to get through this...
ARK
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> WARNING R-rated contentRamp up your sexual agressiveness with your husband. Go to Victoria Secrets ... and buy some good stuff. Wear your new pretty short robe open in the morning showing off your new lace. Bend over and pick things up off the floor so he can see under your short robe. Look fantastic. Smell great. Smile. Give soft eye contact, then smile and quickly look away.... then look back and shut your eyes while smiling. You are trying to ATTRACT a male of the species... remember that? It's NOT that hard (sorry guys, you know it's true) He's visual. Appeal to his SENSES right now ... not to his sense <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Wake him up in the morning (or in the middle of the nite) with a BJ. If you do this every day for a week.... what might happen? Cook his favorite meals. Play his favorite music. Touch him inappropriately under the table in the restaurant. WOO HIM SEDUCE HIM Leave little room for him to be thinking about another woman. Take up all the space in his consciousness with the "WOW" factor of geting a lot of sexual attention from his WIFE! You'll have fun ... and he's an easy mark.... know why? HE LOVES YOU!!!!!!!! Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Geez Pep; if you were my wife I would alway TRY to act as if I was mad at you . . . What you said would be quite effective. I don't think I could keep the mad act up for long. It would be really difficult to be mad with all that attention. Some of you women amaze me. That is a good thing.
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Hey Pep, can you, uh, talk to my wife?!?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> JF: I'm sorta a newbie here too, and have *never* read anything Pep wrote that hasn't made sense or couldn't be effective. And certainly not to this level. (Just a little jealous Pep never gave my W that advice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) Seriously, in your situation--not just being a man--it could be real effective and stimulating. You may touch a nerve in him that may just spark something in him. (Can't believe I wrote that with a straight face!) Good luck and God bless. There's alot of people on here that can help. (Oh, and a little P.S.: IMVVVVVHO, there is nothing more erotic/sensual/out and out damn funky, than to be woken to a BJ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Instead of praying - CHANGE HIM,</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you read "The Power of a Praying Wife?" This is a direct quote from the first chapter. I have read this book cover-to-cover 3 times. It's very inspiring.
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hey guys!!! I read the topic "I'm coming Clean" .... I have no idea Oh Pep you are such a gentleman's gentlewoman! And LINY you're right ... Pep never gave your W that advice, but you *SEEMS* to know 'bout that whole "awakings" Hum???? I love when this forum gets into such serious topics .... it's very simulating and thought provoking ... very provocative ..... I will, I mean JF should stronger take this advice to .... hum.... heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> "Oh Behave !!!!" B
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