I don't know if its withdrawals or what but she says she's leaving again. She says everything is clear now and she wants the DV. I have love busted big time on this one. I have tried to get her to at least go to counseling. She says it won't do any good. She knows what she wants and it to be away from me. She says she knows now that she will never love and never has and counseling won't change anything, that emotional needs won't change anything, that no matter what happens, she knows she will never have feelings for me...

I'm so tired of this. I'm so sick at myself for letting her manipulate me for so long. I'm a mess and this whole thing is a mess. Is there anything I can do at this point. Please, if someone has some good suggestions, I'm in need right now. I know I should have listened to you all before, but I keep trying to reinvent the wheel and it never works and brings pain to me and my kids. How can I be so weak, when I know I need to be strong for my kids? I hate my heart for letting me do this....

Decide on a plan and stick to it. I recommend plan B.

L.

Hi LWH,

Ugh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I hate to say I told you so but you let your WW come back way too easily,without preset conditions and NC with the OM AND she still,of course has yet to deal with her inner issues.Now you are used again and she is off and running ...AGAIN as predicted.

Please go back to a Plan B or perhaps a D.For your sanity.Enough already.Your WW has a lot of work to do on herself let alone a marriage and I just don't see that she is capable right now.It wouldn't be such a bad thing to let her go wherever the heck she wants while you move on after a D and work on yourself would it? Look at what you are holding onto right now and in pain over.....nothing.Sorry,JMVHO.

O

<small>[ August 07, 2004, 05:36 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

LWH,

The ladies give good advice. Let her go. I'll bet my $.02 she will return. I don't know how long it will take. Start living and later, start dating. When she sees other women interested in you, she will be back!

It took my XWW four years, but when she saw me dating my present wife steadily, she wanted back. So will yours.

<small>[ August 07, 2004, 05:48 PM: Message edited by: RAG ]</small>

Thanks for the replies. My head is spinning right now. WW went out after our discussion/fight/whatever it was and she just called back a few minutes ago. She said she had the next 2 Wednesdays off and she would go to counseling if I made the appointment. Well, my blood was still boiling and I said, look its all about you all the time, if you want to go to counseling you make the call. We said some other bad things to each other and she hung up. I called her back and we fought some more. In the end, she said she would go to couseling, I would make the appointment and she didn't think it would do any good. So, where do I stand? I don't know. I think I need to find a very good counselor though real soon. Does anyone know of a good counselor in the Anchorage, Alaska area?

Octobergirl and Cymanca, thanks for the replies. Octobergirl, I know you said I should not let her come back so easily, but my heart said different things. It is very hard to let go of a lifetime with someone. Cymanca, maybe you are right. I need to just release her and let her out of her cage she's been in. I think she may think its reverse psychology if I do that now, but maybe its what I should do anyway. One way or another, I have to move on with my life....

I'm so tired of this. I'm so sick at myself for letting her manipulate me for so long. I'm a mess and this whole thing is a mess. Is there anything I can do at this point. Please, if someone has some good suggestions, I'm in need right now. I know I should have listened to you all before, but I keep trying to reinvent the wheel and it never works and brings pain to me and my kids. How can I be so weak, when I know I need to be strong for my kids? I hate my heart for letting me do this....

LWH:

I've been in this exact same position and I understand that it's so easy to get excited about moving forward with WW together, improvement and so on. BUT; you must remain diligent (for yours and your kid's sake) and control your emotions. It is the hardest thing you've ever done; but you've got to do it! Ease up on verbal barbs, saying less = more! (If that makes sense!) Go to MC with WW even if you say nothing. If WW asks that you go, then go. WW sounds still very wayward! As advised, plan B sounds right. Personal discipline on your part at this time will do wonders for your future! Must have faith that it's for the better good! Good Luck.

WW went out looking for an apartment. I asked if she found something. She said she found one she likes but she says she needs 3 references. She asked if I would be one of them. Reluctantly I said I would. I asked about going to counseling and got no response so I take it she doesn't want to even try at this point. She said we should have gone through with the DV. I said you should have thought about that before you came back. So, we agreed it was pretty much over and we agreed that we should have DV'd. I put in a withdrawal of dissolution a couple of weeks ago to stop the DV, so I let WW type up a letter to withdraw the withdrawal. We went and had it notorized and I guess she'll drop it by the courthouse this week. I don't know if they'll accept it but I don't really care at this point. I hope she finds a place soon so I can put my life back on track. Maybe one year in the future, she'll come out of the fog and realize she did once love me...