How f-ing ironic is that? Found text message AGAIN this morning from OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> They're back at it. Called her ... she thought they could "just be friends." WTF??!

They have been in contact again for about a week ... or so one or the other says. They both lied to me this morning. They both said the other was the first to make contact.

We're supposed to go away on Tuesday for 10 days. He was looking forward to being with me ... even told OW that. How in the world can they function like this? How in the world can I function like this? I don't know what I want anymore ... probably leaning toward being done with the marriage. Will pray hard and try to listen to what God tells me to do.

I'm soooooooooo angry, hurt, disappointed, confused .......... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

HfH,

wow.

absolute worst nightmare for any BS.

After I decided that I would stay in the M (after my H begged and pleaded), I told him that he would have 1 more chance. But if I EVER found out that he had started up contact with XOW or another OW, I would walk, no questions, no wavering, no nothing- no marriage.

I can't tell you what to do about staying, but his contact with her is disrespectful to you and your M. I would go into Plan B and tell him that until he stops ALL CONTACT with OW, you want nothing to do with him. It is not fair, or decent of him to put you through this again.

albw

Yes, I've said the same thing before ... and here I am ... he continues to feed me little morsels and I continue to diges them.

What does that make me?? I guess stupid and a pushover. When will I wake up? when will HE wake up and smell the coffee ... or sh** and figure out what's what??

Dear Headed for Happiness,

Draw the line. Now. Immediately.
I know all about the "can't we just be friends" thing. Even, I so say EVEN, if it's really honest and nothing ever happens again - it's still disrespectful to you..
Maybe you never made it clear that you're insisting on a 100% NC. NC is NC, nope, zip, nada. Yes you will feel it's all starting over again. That's exactly why Dr Harley insist on NC. He knows what he's talking about.

Maybe you feel "unreasonable" to request this, I did too, but make it clear to H that you will start resenting him for not respecting your wishes and that it will do your M no good. Tell him calmly, so that he'll hear you and not give you the "you're overreacting" speech.
You don't have to be "reasonable". You don't have to explain. What they did to you was absolutely unreasonable, so the very least they can do to make it up to you, if they have any decency, is to respect your wish here. You're not asking for very much, really.

Be very clear about NC!

Dear Headed for Happiness,

I am sorry for your situation. Big hugs to you and I hope that you find clarity.

I am in a similar situation in that I begged my H (WS) to tell me the full truth about his A. I promised myself that if he was lying about big details of his PA or other A that I would leave. 6 months into a recovery that I thought was going well, he confessed he had left out big details and that there had been an EA with a different OW. I feel like this was a boundary. Right now we are in a static situation with my WH living in the basement.

I disagree with Brownhair that maybe you weren't clear enough. (i tell myself all the time I wasn't clear enough but I know I was ) You were clear enough too. Your H is not respecting your boundaries (neither is mine).

What am I doing?

Taking care of myself. Talking to my IC. Since, like you I am confused and don't know if this is it or not, I am waiting, believing I will know better in a few weeks. Giving my WH time to try to learn what I feel and why I am so upset. Giving me time to see if I have the strength to try to make this work.

Good luck to you.
You don't have to make any decision today.

Gillian

Me BS, 36
WH 38
married 12 years
PA Nov-Dec 2003
1st d-day 12/18/03
EA 1996-?
2nd d-day 7/04