<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I am amazed or maybe I am not reading right but am I the only WH that has committed to reconciliation but is currently sitting in seperation after A was disclosed ?

Dont get me wrong I have had some tremendous help from various BS's and am forever in their debt and am still seeking with them via email for which I am tremendously thankfull gathering huge amounts of info and plans for when reconciliation begins

I have contact with my W but it is only to do the necessary kids,money etc as she is not yet at a point to start talking about us yet

But I would like to hear from other WH that are currently seperated from their BS but commited to reconcilliation what are you doing what are you trying what are you thinking etc

In the beginning 2 mnths ago this seperation drove me mad but since then I have had to really learn hard PATIENCE as BS sorts out gets over hurt to even start thinking about me which I am and will be forever in her debt for causing.

Everybody says just handle day for day and acknowledges that it is difficult but all I can think of is my BS and the situation how know what know whereto so I find myself unable to socialise last weekend I visited my cousin and had to leave on the Saturday as I was there but not there thus quilty of neglecting them I excused myself and came home

home is a hotelroom (cost most favourable of all alternatives) where I read lurk on MB and try and watch TV all these things only get a short period of my time then I must do something else so I do not finish a chapter in a book or finish watching a movie or find a WH on MB

Read my notes over and over but take nothing in so I am scared when I have to implement at reconciliation I will draw a blank

Not interested in visiting friends as what do we talk about I am not there not fair on them

Work is okay I do the necessary then of on some mission walking/ people watching in Town browsing in shops I have even tried to restore a motorbike,work on the car,fix the odd things around the hotel and at work but to no avail it only gets 10 or 15 min of my time then I must do something else.

Sleep even with tablets is impossible

Even a round of golf has taken my handicap from a 20 to 200 as I do not concentrate and play badly.

In short and through my own fault I am having to live normal in an abnormal situation

So what I am really looking for is some practical advise from guys in my situation during my time of self inflicted punishment

Every 2nd weekend I have the kids so then at least I have something to focus on but they are also not there the whole time at movies with friends at youth club etc or sleeping wish I could

bassie...

hold tight...

time can heal and place in perspective many things....

I pray your wife chooses to recover with you...

i appreciate your honesty about how you are struggling....

lots of WH here on a forced no contact via their BS....

it's that intolerable pop-psyche phrase...
"needing to find oneself.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

blessings to you

ark

My situation is somewhat different than yours. I had an A for 2 years (off and on) with a co-worker that started out as a friendship ( the usual story). I was separated from my wife and seeing this woman. One night when I was over her house, I overheard a phone conversation she was having with her sister. Her sister sleeps with 2 married men ( I only knew about one before this conversation). One of these men had left his wife for her and my 'friends' response was 'You go girl. You won'. The fog was immediately lifted in that moment and I realized what I was dealing with. I ended the relationship permanently after which she informed me she was seeing someone else anyway.

I told my wife everything and she is willing to work on our marriage and the problems that led to the affair. We are still separated but communicating. However, I feel so guilty when I see her that it is interfering with our progress. I really don't know what to do about these feelings. I am sure any recovery will be a huge struggle.

Good Luck and hang in there.

bassie

This will continue to be the hardest thing you've ever been through in your life! By a long shot! There is very little you can do to ease the pain. I suggest that you continue reaching out to this website and seriously think about a call to SH. It is a bit expensive and will take an hour of your time; but you will hang up much more focused than you are and it will be the best money you've spent since this nightmate began. Yes, this is experience talking. I'm in the same place; but doing better in the last few weeks. Good Luck!

Thanks ark^^ , numb 7 and Fishracer for your postings

"time is the healer" you know its like hearing others stories who are in a worse position than you it just does not seem to help your own position I however really appreciate your advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

the scary part is that "Gods day is like a 1000 years" 2 Peter 3 : 8

numb7 you have to forgive yourself will give a book reference that helped me a lot with that next reply

thanks again any practical things you are doing which puts time up into another gear from "dead slow" ?

friday afternoon in states must bump up as friday evening probably good nite for responses

Bassie...
It's nice to see a WH here that wants to save his marriage. I am a BS. My WH moved out and I am hurting so badly. He says he doesn't know if he loves me and doesn't like being married. I'm assuming these are 'normal" WH comments. I just fear that he won't come home and will not want to reconcile. He says MC will not help him. I just don't know what to do. We also have an 8 yr. old son who really misses his dad. We have been married for 14 yrs.
ANy advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I need to hear how the WH thinks..

Thanks TreeReich


I am amazed at the observation that I have made

that all WS that have left on their own accord is missed by their BS and BS in fear of losing them.

I have yet to come across a WS or for that matter BS who asked the WS to leave/seperate after A so that BS can take time to think who has missed the WS or feared losing them

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He says he doesn't know if he loves me and doesn't like being married. I'm assuming these are 'normal" WH comments</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is WH a christian?

If not he probably means what he says because just as about all my nonchristian friends have mentioned divorce my christian friends have not even mentioned the word same applies I think

I think that you will find that christians do not divorce because they have hope and a conscience from God and nonchristians are not plagued by their conscience therefore it is easy to leave and get on with the world.

So my humble advise would be pray,pray,pray and pray more read the bible start with Phil 4 : 13 and ask God what it means and how to apply

I would also get the shoe on the other foot get the message to WH that you dont want any contact with him

Let him worry let him start longing for his son ie get him to start missing you and fearing you will not reconcile

Your son needs contact with his father but I know so many WS that have just left their kids too which makes it more important that you must get him thinking about his responsibilities

Once you have his attention then get advise from counsellor as to proceed because after that will follow restoring of trust,mc etc etc but he must first feel lost for you to even start negotiating and you need to see that his being lost is genuine because at the moment he has his cake and is eating it ie babysitter for son,freedom to party,meeting OW's etc

There I have just answered my own observation I think the spouse who is "rejected" made to think they are "rejected" is the one who misses,fears etc

No wonder I have often thought why do I not write a divorce letter I am sure she will come running however I realise that I am the sinner/betrayer and must take my punishment as I have hurt her tremendously.

Sorry I probably do not represent your normal WH but this I know that if it was'nt for God I would have been out of here in a flash and you would never have heard me on MB

I take great comfort in that God answers prayers in 3 ways He says yes and gives you what want he says wait and then gives you what you want he says no and gives you something better

But it is so difficult to wait and hear no because we just want yes and get on with it