Had a little R talk with WW today. Some went OK, talked about things that went wrong in M and what I was doing about them. Told her things I've learned. But it didn't go well in the end, she just wanted to tell me how bad I am/was, and how nothing can change. Attack attack attack. Had to walk away before LBing, and DJ's started on my part.

Talked some about the DV too. Don't even know how to go about describing this...

I know some of the BW will be upset by this. And hope I don't get the 2x4's. I value everything my WW has done (prior to A)

WW told me she spent 13 years at home "nurturing" and "caring" for our children while I went out and provided for the family. (sometimes working three jobs)

We were talking settlement issues, mostly she was. She wanted to know why I thought I should get the house. I told her. We bought the house a few months after we married. I provided the entire down payment. More than $10,000. When we married she literally came with only the clothes on her back. She was driving my second car because she didn't have one. I'm not upset with this mind you, I was in love and planned on spending the rest of my life with her. Of course that has changed now.

She tells me that none of that matters and a judge won't care, and she doesn't care.

I informed her that I do care. Though not necessarily about the money.

She tells me that she stayed at home with the kids and that it should stay the way "she is accustomed too". I told her that didn't seem fair, that she keeps her lifestyle while I pay for it. She claims that is the way it was and it shouldn't change. Somehow this makes sense to her.

Am I losing my cookies here?

I asked her if I'm just supposed to work? And she says, yes that is the way it was.

I'm a little at a loss, am I supposed to keep her in the lifestyle she was accustomed to, while my own lifestyle becomes one of a servant/slave with nothing in my life to which I've become accustomed? She says that is Florida Law, that is the way it is supposed to be.

She is the one who is having the affair, and choosing to tear apart our family. I will always make sure the kids are taken care of, that is always what I did. I don't understand why I have an obligation to support her affair financially when I get no benefits of a homemaker.

I didn't do justice to our conversation. I had difficulty relaying the events. It was just so strange listening to these words come out of my formally loving Wifes lips.

No, you are not required to support her so she can lay up at home all day eating bon bons. Good grief. She will have to get out and hustle to make her own living now. Not sure what the Florida laws are about alimony, but she is crazy if she thinks she is entitled to soak you for a living.

You might ask her why she thinks she is entitled to the house? She had the affair for heavens sake! Don't let her scare you, just roll with the punches.

..

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom Joad, here are a couple of basic negotiation techniques that are worth keeping in mind:

- Think about what the plausible range of things for you to want is.

- Start your negotiations from the MOST selfish end of the plausible range.

In this case, I would start with this:

- You want the house.
- You want all of the marital assets that were built while you were together.
- You want sole custody of your children.

Harsh? Sure. So what? She didn't really expect you to be nice, did she? We don't DO nice and we certainly don't do it in the midst of divorce proceedings.

Let her rant all she wants. Better yet, get an attorney and make HER (yes, get a female divorce attorney) listen to the rantings of your wife and your wife's attorney.

And a good attorney is really, really good at making a divorce unpleasant for someone who just wants it over with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />