My H was home tonight when I got here and we started talking and he said I should just leave and get on with my life...he doesn't love me anymore and has put a wall up around his heart. He admitted having feelings for OW but says he is trying to create a void between me and him to see if he can miss me and fall in love with me again. I told him that if that's the way he feels then we shouldn't see or talk to each other again. I went to take a shower and when I came out he was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. He just left!!!
I feel so low right now. I just don't know how I am going to make it without seeing or talking to the person that I love so much for a long time.
The pain in my heart is too unbearable to face right now. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. I don't know how to do this anymore!!!!!!! How can I go on feeling so lonely and unloved. I just miss my H so much!!!! I don't know how I'm going to make it through each day!!! God give me strength!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody please help me!!!!!!

{{{TreeReich}}}

You wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He admitted having feelings for OW but says he is trying to create a void between me and him to see if he can miss me and fall in love with me again. I told him that if that's the way he feels then we shouldn't see or talk to each other again. I went to take a shower and when I came out he was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok let's look at this.....take a deep breath!! He says he has feelings for ow?.....a lot of BS's hear "I love the OW"...so for now your pretty lucky and you HAVE HOPE!!

O.K then you told him that if he felt that way....you should not TALK to eachother again.

He leaft. He did what YOU asked. HE DID NOT TALK. Also in my opinion another good thing. He honored YOUR request!!!

You will speak with him soon. Im sure! and when you do..........PLAN A him to death!! Be there....stroke his ego, do whatever you think it is that he needs and might be getting elsewhere!!

Fight for your M! You can SURVIVE! and come out in the end with a deeper R and stronger M!

Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not unto your own understanding!

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

going on 10 mos. R and LOVED by my H like never before!!!! And he said " I love you....BUT, Im not sure to WHAT DEGREE!!!"....there is HOPE!

hi again TR.
thanks for your help earlier. try to take your own advice that you offered me. well, my day ended with h coming home, telling me that he loved me. i said i know you do . he said you know that your my life and my heart. i said am I? to myself i said i cant tell. what works for me in stressful situations is exercise. yeah, i know, we all hate it, but i go to the gym run on the treadmill for an hour and you know what? i feel a lot better. i wonder if anti d's work so well? i wish you luck. thanks for taking the time to help me when you have your own drama going on.

{{{{{{treereich}}}}}}

Thank you for responding! I'm trying to think positive but I'm just in so much pain right now. I just don't know how much more I can take of this! This has got to be the most painful thing to go through. How do I get over this overwhelming feeling of lonliness???? It's as if someone has ripped my heart out.
I excersise everyday and it does help some. It's just so hard in the mornings and at night. I want my H here to hold me and tell me that he loves me. I long for that!
The oly reason I told my H that we shouldn't talk is becasue that's what he wants. I don't know what else I can do. It hurts to know that the man I love and have given my whole self to has feelings for someone else. How do we ever recover from something like that???? Is it possible???? HIs family lives here and I'm surrounded by them. Seeing them hurts too. I just toook some sleeping pills to help me sleep...I hope they work. I need to sleep. I swear, I don't deserve this!!!! I am a good person! I've always been a wonderful wife and mother to our son. What did I do wrong????

TreeReich - Don't know if this helps, but I'm having a pretty rotten night here myself too. I'm going to keep you in my prayers tonight in hopes that both of our tomorrows are better than we can hope for. Sleep well.

TR, were we separated at birth or something? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> i also asked my h 2 day what did i do to deserve this treatment? i have always been a loving faithful wife and mom, i try to be as good a person as i can. i also have trouble sleeping at nights if hes not here. i also take sleeping pills, but they dont help if im not relaxed to begin with.as for loneliness all i can tell you is try to keep busy during the day. and believe me, you will eventually sleep. maybe not tonite, but you will.i havent read all your posts. how long were you in plan a?

Tree -

I hope your pills kick in soon and you can get some rest. Did I read on another thread that you are seeing a doctor about a refill on anti-d's next week? Keep hanging on until you can talk to someone.

Meanwhile, is your mom or a friend available to be with you, or at least talk to you on the phone, when you are feeling really desperate?

Don't give up. Try to believe that "it ain't over until it's over," and know that sometimes when it's over, it still ain't really over! I've read about couples on this message board who got divorced and then remarried each other!

There is hope, and there are things you can do to work on your marriage. First, you have to take care of yourself and get your depression and panic under control.

Then, maybe you could re-read your threads and the advice you have gotten here at MB about what books to read, etc, to have a better idea about what your options are.

Take deep breaths. Pray. Listen to soothing music. Find out what your resources are and use them! Remember that people are praying for you. Relax. Believe.

God bless.

Rose55

Shelly... I've been in Plan A for 3 weeks. Not long, I know. I'm trying!!! Our stories do sound similar. Thank you for your support.

faithinme....thanks for posting...I will keep you in my prauers also.

Rose...yes, I do have an appt. next week to get a refill onn AD's. I hope I get some sleep tonight too. I want to fight but I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm running an upheal battle and I'm never going to get there. I really appreciate all the help and support on here. I guess I'm going to lay down and hopefully conk out soon. I will post tomorrow. YOu are all in my prayers too.

hey tree,

I feel so badly that you are in so much pain. Atleast, and the very atleast, you are still able to "feel" anything.

I have come to realize that *I* really didn't do anything *WRONG*, but how I was handling our life together and our M - but wasn't quite right for my H. He now has to look into himself and figure out a few things (things I already learned - am learning for myself). Take another look at your *NEEDS* and his. Where they being met? It may surprise you, what you may find out about yourself through all of this - and it may make you even stronger - for you. Believe me if there is changes to be made within yourself, he *WILL* notice. Give you both a little space and concentrate on you *HELPING* yourself right now.

You have a little boy to think about too. He *DESERVES* a healthy Mamma.

Keep writing and reading. Deal with the pain with *COURAGE*.

(COURAGE - lack of fear; bravery; valor. It also means going into a situation, when you know there'll will be the possibily and risk of getting hurt and still *hoping* it will be for the good of others).

Thoughts and prayers are with you (I hope you get some much neede rest).

B

PS: I know his family lives by you ... is there anyway you can go visit with your family for a couple of days ... it would help with the NC. Have you told your parents of any "marital problems"? I mean, I only told my mother about my H having "trouble with himself". I didn't feel she "needed" to know all the gorey details right now.

Brown,
Thank you for your support!
I just got up and feel so empty this morning.
I am going to try my best to be strong but I just feel there is no hope. He says he doesn't love me. That has to be the most painful thing to hear a H say.
I could go see my family on a weekend but not longer than that...my son is in school. I told my parents that my H wasn't happy and he needs to find hmself. Same as you. I don't want to tell them everything. It would hurt me and them too much. I know they love him and if I told them that it could affect us getting back together....so I hold off. My Mom is already angry at my H and thinks he needs to grow up. It will take a long time for them to forgive him also.
I truly don't see any hope right now.....I'm trying but it's just not there today.
I just don't know how to go forward. I'm trying to be strong for my son. I feel defeated today.

Brown,
Thank you for your support!
I just got up and feel so empty this morning.
I am going to try my best to be strong but I just feel there is no hope. He says he doesn't love me. That has to be the most painful thing to hear a H say.
I could go see my family on a weekend but not longer than that...my son is in school. I told my parents that my H wasn't happy and he needs to find hmself. Same as you. I don't want to tell them everything. It would hurt me and them too much. I know they love him and if I told them that it could affect us getting back together....so I hold off. My Mom is already angry at my H and thinks he needs to grow up. It will take a long time for them to forgive him also.
I truly don't see any hope right now.....I'm trying but it's just not there today.
I just don't know how to go forward. I'm trying to be strong for my son. I feel defeated today.

My sister-in-law just called me and wants me and my son to come to dinner tonight.....the only problem is my H might be there. I really want to go because my son enjoys playing with his cousins but don't want to see or speak to my H. I'm not sure what to do. My SIL said she wansn't sure if my H would be thre or not. If I do go...my MIL will be there and I don't know what to expect from her. What should I do?????

TREE
hi again
SIL called you and invited you and your son over ... you said his family knows ... is she a hostile enemy or a kind SIL???

You said your MIL might not be so kind .... avoid her ... don't put yourself in a position that you feel is uncomfortable or that you are on the defensive (not that you have anything to be defensive for).

Let your son enjoy some "normal" stuff. If going to see his cousins is good for him, try to go.

Don't try to "bad mouth" the H to the IL's. Even if they "bad mouth" H - b/c blood is still thicker than water. Ya know! Maybe they will want to offer you support and see if there is anyway they can help (and you need it now more than ever). If they make clear they will support him - that's fine. You will have to find other resources of support. Remember that if/and when you and H get back together, you don't want any "hard feelings" there. (Especially since you intend to spent the rest of your life w/ this man - and his family <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Test the waters ... if it's okay ... hold your nose and jump in. If it's not okay ... save the "visit" for another time.

It's good to consider going to your parents ... keep that out there as a good "option".

I'll keep an eye out for you okay??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

B

TR I share your pain, injustice, fear of a breakdown and hopelessness. I know that doesn't help, but we are together in this joyless place, you and I.

May it please Almighty God to grant peace to his restless and saddened children and relive their hearts. Amen.

Brown...
My SIL...not an enemy. I think they would actually support me more than H. I don't know about my MIL but all the rest of his family would most likely be on my side.
I want to go home but my son loves it here and has made such progress making friends in our new neighborhood. He loves his school and doesn't want to leave....that is my problem... I would love to be home with my family but my heart says I need to keep my son where he is happy and feel safe. I'm so confused!!!
I really do want to go over there tonight just to feel "normal". What do I do if my H is there?

Bob,
Thank you! I will need lots of support!!! I fel so totally alone. I miss my family and need someone around me who loves me. I guess in my mind I have given myself a time limit. If things arent looking up in 3 months..then I will definitely be going home. I just want the best for my son. He deserves it!!!! It is killing him that his dad isn't here. I can see the insecurity in him. How do you ever forgive someone for putting your child through that? I just don't know if I can!!!!

tree,

So what if he's there? You were "invited". You were "welcomed". What you do if you go to party and there's someone there you can't stand .... do you walk out .... do you make small talk ... do you avoid them (so your host/hostess will not be upset) ... whatever it is you'd do - do that. B/C you'll be "handling" the situation thie best way you know how to. Be *BIG* - beautiful - intelligent - gracious <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Or can do like my H says keep repeating, 'I'm a big brave dog! I'm a big brave dog!' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If you feel too uncomfortable - leave - I'm sure if you SIL knows what's up, she'll understand

B

Brown,
I have decided to go. I need more support right now than he does. A part of me wnats him to be there just so I can see him...the other part of me is so disgusted by him that I don't want him to be there. How can I love someone who is hurting me so badly? Am I crazy? Am I just not "getting it?" If he's telling me that he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be married anymore why am I still here? Am I just being a doormat???? Is there really any hope????

Another thing that he said last night is that he doesn't feel any guilt about what he "had" to do to find happiness for himself. How can he say that?

H just sent me an instant message on computer...he says it hurts too much to see me or talk to me. How can it hurt if you don't love someone? If he didn't care would he be doing this?

TR,
Sorry I wasn't on last night to jump in here.

LISTEN TO ME !!!

This is NORMAL. YES, MY H TOLD ME THE SAME THING.

He went a step further, and I got the I love you, but no IN love with you speach....I'm IN love with OW, and I don't know why.

I wish there was a way I could calm you some but I know this hurts like HELL.

But it's very normal sweetie, 99% of them DO this.

If you want to go to Plan B, well do it. If you don't want to see or hear from him until he decides to work on the relationship, that's fine as well.

He can't keep transfering his GUILT upon you, and you keep letting him.

I want you to think, really really hard. Plan B SUCKS. It's hard as HELL especially when a small child is involved, but it can be done.

This next step is YOURS, you have pretty much heard the worst of it now, it doesn't get much worse, unless he tells you he wants to try a life with OW. SOME DO THIS TOO.

Don't push back at him. If he wants to create a void...LET HIM.

Everytime something comes up, I want you to COME HERE FIRST, before you say or do anything.

The NUMBER ONE rule right now in this mess is do NOT think emotionally. By coming here FIRST, your emotions will come down, and you'll be able to THINK, and THEN react.

I know you feel like your situation is very differnt, and that he MEANS what he is saying. I can't tell you how many of us went through this very same thing.

I'm going to check in on you throughout the day. But I want to you inhale...this is not going to be over and done with quickly. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS !!!!!