faith,

If you have any time in your schedule, could we nominate you to run for president? LOL. Your strength and clarity could do us all a world of good. You'd make history (as would he, as the "First Adulterer".)
If he doesn't wake up and come running back, you'll no doubt find a way to be happy in your future. Wishing you the best, keep it up! (and keep us rolling!)

faith -

You are doing great at this. And you've only been here 8 days! You are probably too young to remember the movie "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers". It was where the pods took over peoples brains when they went to sleep. They looked the same, talked the same, but were not the same. That is what I always think of when I talk to my WH.

It really helps if you don't take it personally and know to expect the most awful things to come out of their mouths.

Keep doing what you are doing. It is great, and lots of entertainment for the rest of us. In fact I went out and bought more popcorn for the coming episodes.

Hi, again. This place is addictive! WH took the girls to see the movie because the baby threw up all over me as we were getting into the car. I just told them to go on without me instead so I'm working on dinner and a nice blueberry dessert.

Staying home by myself did give me time to do a little snooping though. Maybe I shouldn't - but I did and I'll no doubt do it again. Found his digital camera with a picture of her. She looks a heck of a lot better than the picture of her I had found in an internet search but still.... I'm not impressed. You'd think he would at least try for something better. Oh well. Didn't find much else but one thing I thought was interesting is that he does still have a few of the cards I gave him while he was here last month. They are with a stack of cards from the kids. Maybe it doesn't mean too much but still...it's interesting that he'd keep something from someone he no longer "loves in that way".

Someone had mentioned not letting him call OW from the house. I do believe we shall have that conversation tonight. Maybe over a glass of wine. Hmm. I'll think about that. One thing I did do...hehe... is go online after I found the picture of the OW. She's in this black dress with a pattern on it and some black heels EXACTLY like some that I have. I'm buying a dress that looks almost exactly like the one she's wearing. Is that totally demented? I just want to see the look on his face. I'm having it delivered to my work so I figure I'll wear it one night when we go out. I may be getting too much enjoyment out of keeping him confused. I just so enjoy seeing him squirm when I can though.

I'm going to go now. They should be back from the movie soon, dinner is mostly done and warming in the oven and I don't plan on being here when they get back. The baby and I "just had a few quick errands to run. I thought we'd be back before you were finished." Smile.

<end of act II>

All snooping is good and necessary - to a point.

If you want, send me the pic at DCScandals@yahoo.com. I'll photoshop it and maybe we can have some fun? Certainly we wouldn't send it to Faith1 for posting on the MB Photo Thread!

I double dare you to get the same outfit. Maybe even strike the same pose for a picture?

WAT

Act 2 was great. Just keep on keeping on. It is probably best not to snoop. It may make you angry.

I would continue to talk to him about joint custody. Maybe the girls can be with him for 3 months, and then with you for 3 months. Explain to him that you have had a hard time with them, and they need their father.

Also tell him that it will cut down his child support. He will only have to pay about $600. a month for the baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers". .......
Keep doing what you are doing. It is great, and lots of entertainment for the rest of us. In fact I went out and bought more popcorn for the coming episodes. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">believer, oh yeah, that thought crossed my mind often during the past 6-7 years too. Remember when the Chinese man told Donald Sutherland "That's not my wife! Looks like her, but not my wife!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong>

Staying home by myself did give me time to do a little snooping though. Maybe I shouldn't - but I did and I'll no doubt do it again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course you will. You are fighting to save your marriage. Information is power. A warning: never let him know what you have found out. I did that with my H and the source dried up. Totally stupid on my part.

Hello. Not much has happened since I was last here but I thought I'd share anyway. "Act II" went pretty well. I came home just a few minutes before WH and the kids and was next door talking with the neighbor when they pulled up. We all stood around talking for a minute and then went home and I pulled out the keys to unlock the door. WH says "You went somewhere?" I said, "Yep." "Where?" He asks. I said, "There were just a few odds and ends I had to take care of. Guess what, I made pork for dinner. Ready to eat?"

So, I go in to get everything ready and he says he needs to run to the auto parts store really quick for a part. (This is really something he needed to do.) Says he'll only be gone a few minutes since dinner is almost ready. Well, he's gone for about 45 minutes. I'm not having that so the kids and I go outside and I set us up on the patio with some nice music, candles and our dinner. I left his plate covered in aluminum foil on the counter. When he came home, we were all outside laughing and having a great dinner while he had to go back inside and grab his own cold dinner. He did come out though and we all had a nice time while the girls told us about the movie. - FYI - The 8 and 10 year old girls out there will love The Princess Diaries 2 -

After dinner, I cleaned up and we all went to watch a movie downstairs - no "beeping" instances tonight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Our 8 year old had the greatest thing to say. We were watching Spider Man 2 and there is a part where Peter Parker is standing at a window deciding whether to take back on the responsibilities and sacrafices of being Spider Man or to stay himself. He says, "When is it my turn. When is it what I NEED, what I WANT." (Sound familiar to anyone?) And our little girl says to the screen... You're just not doing it because it's what you WANT...not what you NEED. And turn to her daddy and says, "huh, daddy". I could not have scripted that better myself. I did everything I could to not smile or look over at him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When we went to bed last night he was also sleeping a little closer and was resting his hand on my leg at one point while he was sleeping. Again....baby steps. I'll get into his subconsience and then worm my way in.

Today we had our baby's check up. Our doctor has classes with everyone with children in the same age group together to talk about what to expect in the next three months. Anyway, the doctor was asking what people felt was difficult about raising children in today's world and there were a bunch of responses - saftey, tv, discipline, etc. It came to me and I said disintegration of the family and family values. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That got the doctor started on how television can give the message to kids and the general population that sleeping with someone other than your spouse is okay - he had other stuff to say, but that's what I honed in on. You could have laid a board straight down my H's back it went so straight. Feeling guilty? Hmmm.

So, now he is at a job fair looking for a job here. I don't know how hard he's truly looking, but my prayer is that the two jobs where OW lives falls through (one is still awaiting funding) and he is offered one here. I'm feeling okay about how I'm handling things but it is getting hard to keep the armour from chipping. I have to remind myself it has only been four days since he came home. He's still talking about how he's moving and what we should do when we divorce with our stuff. Should we refinance? Do I want the house? I usually answer him and then look at him with a smile and say "But I don't expect to have to deal with that in the end, honey". Or "It's so much to deal with. Let's just stay married and keep it simple", again with a smile. He usually smiles back but I wonder how long I'll be able to put up with it. Most of the talk has been put off since I asked to not talk about D until we come back from Disneyland, but he sneeks it into conversations. AAACCCKKKK! I just want things the way they used to be!! I was looking at him earlier and almost said, "I am really going to love the man you're going to be when this is over". Didn't though.

I did ask him to not call OW from our house today also. His response was that it'll cost so much more since he'll need a calling card and there's a connection fee for every call. LIKE I CARE!!!! Then don't call the tramp! No..I didn't say that. I just said, Sorry. I don't feel it's respectful for you to call another woman from the home we bought together, on the phone we bought together, that we pay for on a bill that comes in OUR names, while the children we made together are in another room. Very reluctantly he agreed. However, my EXPECTATION (see earlier post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )is that he will call her from here anyway at some point. You can't win 'em all. You CAN make the rules though.

So, that's where we are. I've still got another month to go....OH!!!!! actually maybe more. Forget to tell you that he STILL thinks he can get a divorce on Oct. 6th, so he'll probably stay until then. Imagine OUR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> surprise when we find out that the state considers my not joining the petition to be contesting it. I never thought that could happen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I should have at least until Sept. 21st for him to find that out. Maybe earlier, but either way, he'll no doubt be here past the 15 of Sept. or he'll just have to come back on Nov. 17th to get his court date. The way things will be by then, he really won't be able to afford to drive to Texas, get set up in her place, pay our bills here (I don't worry about him not paying for the household bills), and come back a few weeks later for a single court date. Here's hoping the timeframe works out! Actually, here's hoping it won't matter at ALL!

So...that's the update. No real progress but no step back either so I consider the day a success. Could anyone tell me, in your experience, does the WS really start reconsidering before the BS usually realizes it? I don't think he's there yet and may not be for quite a while, but it's something I was thinking about.

I hope everyone is faring well today and you're all in my prayers.

-Faith

Oh....while snooping I came across her credit card number, expiration date, the three digit number on the back (forgot what it's called), the last four of her social security number, AND her current home address. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
He must have used it for something. I REALLY want to use this information but won't . DAMN my honest heart. It's fun to fantasize about using it though.
That along with the names, phone numbers, and addresses of about 30 of her relatives, pictures of her, previous addresses and phone numbers and the other information I got off the internet about her, I could probably write her biography AND spend all her money <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong> Oh....while snooping I came across her credit card number, expiration date, the three digit number on the back (forgot what it's called), the last four of her social security number, AND her current home address. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
He must have used it for something. I REALLY want to use this information but won't . DAMN my honest heart. It's fun to fantasize about using it though.
That along with the names, phone numbers, and addresses of about 30 of her relatives, pictures of her, previous addresses and phone numbers and the other information I got off the internet about her, I could probably write her biography AND spend all her money <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG !!!!

You do have immeasurable self-control!

WoW

Pep

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 05:32 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Now, if I posted that information on the web or gave it to someone else ASSUMING they wouldn't use it in a bad way..... that wouldn't be dishonest <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Welllll

MelodyLane does live in Texas.....


hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm????

Have the 2 of you discussed when HE is going to explain to his girls that Daddy is leaving them to go live with a honey?

Pep

Send it all to me at DCScandals@yahoo.com. I won't use it. Honest! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously now, I suggest you consider arranging for a separation agreement assuming he moves out, if such a vehicle is available in your jurisdiction. I think some BSs underestimate the unsanitized reality that a legal document can impose on a WS. Besides, IF he moves out, you need a mechanism to protect your assets and define custody. A legal separation document can be written to emphasize that divorce is not desired, but here's the rules until reconciliation can really begin.

I got legal advice that it can be beneficial if such a separation agreement isn't actually signed until AFTER the WS leaves. This can establish loud and clear that the WS unilaterally abandoned the domicile for potential use later in divorce proceedings.

Then, as soon as it's signed, Plan B. But I hope none of this comes to pass for you.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Welllll

MelodyLane does live in Texas.....


hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm????

Have the 2 of you discussed when HE is going to explain to his girls that Daddy is leaving them to go live with a honey?

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But wait, Pep, isn't he going to be taking the girls for the first 3 months?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

MelodyLane????? Texas??????

San Antonio, perhaps?????

Yeah.... HE'S going to tell them "when the time seems right". That should be interesting to see how he defines "right time" to tell your children your shacking up with a 22 year old and moving to another state. Whatever.

I've said it once, and I'll say it again.... DORK!

I have told him I will be there when he tells them though because I want no illusions to the fact that mommy does not want a divorce. We've both promised them in the past that we would never divorce and would always find a way to work out our problems because that is what Marriage means. I'm not breaking my promise to them and won't be part of it to make things easier on him!

First three months??????

As far as he knows, I intend for it to be the whole year.

That's my story.....and I'm sticking to it!!

(won't really happen, just let him tell OW that though!)


WAT - We live in Washington State and from what I understand, since he has filed for divorce we can't get a legal separation. Time limit for uncontested D is 90 days and a LS lasts 6 months. The attorney I talked to (family friend) said that since WH filed the papers with the agreement to pay $4000.00 in child support and spousal maintenance, he is held accountable for that amount. The payment are to start when we actually separate, by his own determination and filing. It looks like I should have legal recourse if he does go off the deep end there. I am going to get back in touch with the lawyer though now that I have some more in depth questions.

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 06:18 PM: Message edited by: faithinme ]</small>

I have told him I will be there when he tells them though because I want no illusions to the fact that mommy does not want a divorce.

You bet your sweet [censored] you'll be sitting right there when the girls scream.....

"WHAT??? DADDY why are you leaving us?"

and Dork tries to sugar coat his affair....

You can say, "I don't want Daddy to leave us either . I asked him to stay . I can not stop him."

"Tell the girls why you're leaving them."

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 06:34 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Originally posted by faithinme:
First three months??????

As far as he knows, I intend for it to be the whole year.

That's my story.....and I'm sticking to it!!

(won't really happen, just let him tell OW that though!)

Have you picked out the best private schools in San Antonio yet?

Send away for some flyers.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

San Antonio???

Okay, I have to admit I haven't read this post yet. I just saw San Antonio was mentioned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just got back from there 2 weeks ago. Lived there until I was 17 and my crazy family still lives there.

I'm down there a few times a year as well.

Even got married there.

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong>$4000.00 in child support and spousal maintenance</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How often?

Pep - I think you're, er, "enjoying" this a bit too much. I know you're not enjoying it, per se, but, ah, er, ...... you know what I mean. She sorta reminds me of lostva. The calm, confident type. Don't ya think?

WAT