"you crack me up" ... HAHA NEVER say this to MB'er Susan! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am not kidding, flaunt your sexuality blatently. He is your husband. Thong him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Give him something to think about while he's worried about losing you forever. (if you ever go to Plan B ... you will not regret the thong torture you did during Plan A)

Pep

Before I sent my poor Mr. Pep packing for 3 months ... I did my famous hair flip, my thong in the hallway dance, and I went to the local sex shop and bought some "toys" and left the receipt where he's find it!!

This does leave an IMPRESSION on a man about to leave! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep (the bad)

Oh, no, you are PEP THE GOOOOOD!

This is gonna be fun!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

That was funny pep...Faithinme sorry to hear your pain...I've never been married and am young but already know the crushing feelings of being cheated on...Damn those scandalous girls..

faithinme - I'm glad to read your rendition of your dork moves. It indicates you have an open mind and you're willing to recognize your Plan A miscues - I had been concerned that you were getting a bit too much reinforcement here for your, er, quick and in-your-face retorts to your H, which could have been received as BIG time LBs to other men. Tough love has its place - but it does deliver plenty of LBs if not done just right.

"You're playing with fire," is what I wanted to say. Be careful you don't over do it.

Oh well, too late. But you recovered well.

I recommend you prepare for Plan B if he goes to San Antonio and gives any indication that he might not be back.

WAT

double post

Faithinme,

Listen to Pep! She gave me good advice in regards to spicing up one's sex life. She told me to let the tigress in me come out. Well, she did and boy did my WH get surprised. If I have accomplished nothing else during this entire ordeal, it is having rediscovered my own sexuality and my inner self.

Gotta love Pep!

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Before I sent my poor Mr. Pep packing for 3 months ... I did my famous hair flip, my thong in the hallway dance, and I went to the local sex shop and bought some "toys" and left the receipt where he's find it!!

This does leave an IMPRESSION on a man about to leave! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep (the bad) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I'd also attack him sexually if I were you. Maybe a beer to relax him first if he likes that.

I'd like the opinion of others here. I do not like the idea of him going to San Antonio alone. You know he is going to see her. How do you feel about telling him not to bother coming home if he goes? (after you attack him) My H was going to meet his OW a last time and I told him not to bother coming back if he did. Any opinions? (He never went by the way and I meant it.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Originally posted by worthatry:
- I had been concerned that you were getting a bit too much reinforcement here for your, er, quick and in-your-face retorts to your H, which could have been received as BIG time LBs to other men. Tough love has its place - but it does deliver plenty of LBs if not done just right.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">gotcha meaning dear WAT ... I do understand what you're saying here.

One of my biggest pet peeves on MB is the timid scared BS afaid to make an appropriate move or to set a firm boundary coz it might make the WS "angry". Meanwhile the M is going down the drain faster and faster.

I will subdue (some of) my applause for this BS's courage and imagination.

Taking off my cheerleading costume (sadly) and sitting down with a more lady-like demeanor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Pep (wearing white tea gloves and a large-brim hat with flowers)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Last night I posted a question about confronting WH about calls to OW. So, I talked with him about it this afternoon. UGH.

I approached it from an "I feel" and "I need" standpoint and just stated that I felt that whatever progress or closeness we are able to work towards is impeaded by his calls to her. First, he says that he only talks to her once or maybe twice a day and for short times.

(Translation for MBer's eyes only: two to four times a day for minimum 20 minutes.)

He feels that I'm pushing him into a corner and that is not respecting HIS boundaries in this.

Yikes. I could hardly see him through the BS he was putting out. However, I too had on my white tea gloves, Pep.

So, I asked him to explain his boundaries to me so I could understand where we were. He couldn't. He just knew that this was one and he is already limiting himself in how many times a day he would like to call her.

To quote, "If I talked to her as much as I wanted to, you and I would never even have time to talk." Okay.

So, I just kept going back to the point that I really felt this was hindering our efforts. He disagreed because, "I am really working on it. Can you say I'm not? Is that what your saying? I'm not doing enough here?"

My reply, "Honey, I know you're working on it and that's what I want to protect. It's like if you go to the gym and work out for two hours but just go home and gorge yourself on cheesecake. You worked out really hard, but you're not going to see the results. I want us to be able to see the results instead of continually having to work against something, just like you do."

Decent babble talk I thought but he just doesn't get it. Fast forward to the end, he leaves upset because I'm pushing him too far. Then, he calls me at work about 10 minutes after he leaves and says that he's not doing this to put up roadblocks or to be difficult. He just has to do what he feels is right, not what people tell him to do.

Okay....I am SO glad we were talking over the phone because I'm pretty sure my rolling eyes would have been a LB.

Then he says that he was going to go pick me up some lunch but he left his wallet at home and needs to get the children from daycare. I said "Thank you for the thought, I appreciate it. I've got to get back to work, but I'll see you and the kids tonight."

Not sure what exactly I'm going to say or do when I get there though. He really is an irritating little man today. No, I won't tell him that but I don't mind sharing that information with everyone here!

Would it be an LB for me to have someone put sugar in ow/child gas tank in SAT for you??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> OOOOHHHH!!!! Better yet, sweetTARTS...d'ya think the irony in that would be lost on her?

Or I can have a really irritating mariachi band follow them around EVERYWHERE in SAT... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Still think she should be pushed off the Paseo del Rio....esp. since it's all mucky/tepid this time of year!

Um. Extra habaneros in his dinner....no problemo!

Okay. I'm done dreaming now....hehehe!

You're doing GREAT. Just keep refraining from using his tooth brush to clean the toilet....BUT! If he DOES go to SAT for a visit...use the toothbrush to clean the garbage can AND the toilet!!!!

- Kimmy

Just called me again at work to say "I'm going to order pizza to be delivered to you since I know you didn't take a lunch."

Also wants to see if I "Can see where I'm coming from, even if you don't agree with me. I really am trying to limit my time talking with her. It's usually no more than a half an hour a day. That is really short considering I can and have talked to her for hours on the phone. In fact, we once talked for seven hours. (clap, clap, clap.....that's me, in my head) So, you see, I really am limiting it as much as I can for you." I basically told him that as much as I really do appreciate that effort, and I truly do, honey, I need for you to understand my boundary here. I didn't give an ultimatum, didn't say it in a bad tone, just told him what I need from him on this. Then, I told him I need to get back to work and would see him soon.

Irritating little man.

You want I should send you some habaneros? You could rub them on the inside of his chonies....then he can be irritated, too...(hehehe)

Where is that wicked little devil smiley when you need it?

- Kimmy

He is missing the point. The issue is not the LENGTH of time he spends on the phone with OW, but just the fact that he is calling her at all. It shows a profound lack of respect for his wife and children. He is rubbing your nose in the worst betrayal a spouse can commit by carrying on his home wrecking affair right in front of you and the kids. That is very disrespectful to all of you and rightfully should be one of your boundaries.

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> He is missing the point. The issue is not the LENGTH of time he spends on the phone with OW, but just the fact that he is calling her at all. It shows a profound lack of respect for his wife and children. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">EXACTLY!!!!! He just refuses to get that part of it at all. It's easier for him to concentrate on how "good" he's being for keeping it short than to look at the larger picture of MAKING THE CALL IN THE FIRST PLACE. He just brings it back to where he wants it again.


SweetTARTS and habeneros sound great right about now by the way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WH has been acting like everything is just peachy and fine this afternoon. Did we have the discussion earlier or was it my imagination?

Then, when we were talking about going intertubing with our kids the weekend of Aug. 28th and he says, "Oh, I can't. That's the weekend I'll be in San Antonio."

"On the weekend, honey? I thought you needed to go down to finalize things for your job."

"I'll do that during the week but I am also going to see OW."

"Okay. I think you know how I feel about that, especially after our discussion today about the calls being detrimental to our working on things. I want to be able to truly give this marriage a chance and am willing to do just about anything, but those two issues are absolute boundaries for me. I feel like I maybe didn't make that clear enough this afternoon. I want to be sure there are no misunderstandings between us right now. I know you said you truly want to give this a shot and I want to do that with you."

Well, he said he didn't understand that going to San Antonio would be a problem. (WHATEVER!) This is the first time he has admitted that the trip is mostly to see her though.

So, my question is this. What do you think about using that as the deciding factor in going to PLAN B. Right now his plan is to go down there and then come back here for another 3 1/2 weeks before moving down there. In his mind, that time is also being used to "see about things here". I have pretty plainly, while not issuing an ultimatum, set that boundary up. I have two thoughts. One, change the locks, phone number and email address while he's gone and go totally PLAN B. Not pick him up at the airport or help him find a place to stay while he's here.

Other thought.... accept that he's going down and continue to PLAN A even after he comes back. It'll be hard, but I could do it.

Right now, I am PLAN A'ing as much as possible while still letting him realize there are limitations to his actions. I am not LB'ing and am trying to fill his EN's while at the same time not rolling over on these two issues. It's a hard line to walk.

So, what do you think?

Faith,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
One, change the locks, phone number and email address while he's gone and go totally PLAN B. Not pick him up at the airport or help him find a place to stay while he's here.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Buy the locks before he leaves. When he asks about them, explain to him that if he leaves, he can stay there, it's over. Make sure he doesn't see nor get a key! He can't have his cake and eat it too. You can only take so much punishment. Keep the children. Keep the house. Keep the auto. Keep your sanity. He doesn't seem to be working, so keep your money also.

When/if he gets ready to go, do Pep's routine with the hair flip, thong dance, sex toys, and attack him.

If that doesn't wake him up, let the OW/child keep him! You have done a splended job.

I've been here in MO reading and eating Believer's popcorn over in Oceanside.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
<strong> Right now his plan is to go down there and then come back here for another 3 1/2 weeks before moving down there. In his mind, that time is also being used to "see about things here". </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he is planning on moving down there and has made up his mind, then what does he need to "see about?" What "things" is he seeing about? Why come back at all for 3.5 weeks?

If he is going there to finalize things with his job, then I don't get the point of coming back for 3 1/2 weeks. What would be the point, faith?

I know it would be so damn hard to do it, but I agree with RAG.

Don't blind side him with Plan B. Tell him what to expect if he leaves.

Hand him the Plan B letter when/if he walks out the door, and then do all the things RAG suggested at that point.

Your husband is blessed to have you as his wife and mother of his children. Wish he'd de-fog.

Jo