Just some Plan B reactions to be prepared for. Most WS's get VERY angry once Plan B is implemented.

They run the gamet of anger, manipulation, bargaining, etc. Best way to counter this type of behavior is to stick to your no contact and remain dark.

Jo

Sheesh, this is better than going to the movies Saturday night.

Your poor husband, he doesn't have a clue what he is up against.

Hmmm. I think he won't go, or if he does, he won't last a week. So stick to your plan, and keep doing the excellent job you are doing. I think this is going to be a classic MB story.

You guys are great!! I've got to admit, it's so much better when you can share the fun.

Oh I'm glued FIM! You are awesome.

but . . .
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's coming back here for a while no matter what .... he'll just be staying somewhere else. I'll let him come over with my parents to get his stuff. Although, I may send a box down there just on principle while he's there. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Couldn't you just put his stuff in the U-Stor and give your parents the key?

awesome ... simply awesome

way2

I just wanted you to know that both my husband and I are here in Virginia rooting for you every single day!!!!!

If, when he actually leaves, you find yourself losing it more than you thought you would, don't feel bad. I do not believe that we are always properly prepared for reality.

You are just doing wonderfully and IM getting vicarious thrills watching from the side lines.

FIM. But, I know this is NOT fun for you. It is so d***m sreious and is breaking your heart. He is definatly following the cake eaters guidelines now.
I think you are doing a wonderful job at plan A. The trick is in knowing when to plan B. However for you, since he has been gone so long, I wouldn't make it to soon, before you truly have a chance to reconnect as a couple.
I read your posts daily and my heart bleeds for you and yours. I will pray for you.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who clicks on frequently to see the "latest." And occasionally even when there's no news, I see if FIM is on and wait around for a post... True, it's like a novel and you're frustrated because you have other things to do and can't finish... FIM, you might want to look into writing a book. You've done a stellar job and your wisdom could help so many people. Let's see when the movie is made, Jennifer Anniston could play you, Brad Pitt your husband and Brittany Spears could play the ow/child. Candice Bergen and Robert Deniro could play your parents. Hmmmm.....

I will be very surprised if he gets on that plane. If he does, he's likely to win the idiot award for possibly losing the best thing that could have ever happened to him-a wonderful wife. Whomever FIM spends their life with will be blessed.

A few days in SAT and he'll be lining people up to kick him in the posterior.

FIM, whether he goes or not, her CO needs to know what she's been up to. Back to the original post, I can't believe her parents aren't hitting the roof! I love my daughter more than life but I certainly wouldn't be tolerating this type of behavior. She'd learn from me the high price she would pay for destroying other's lives. Either the full story is not known or it's true that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

<small>[ August 29, 2004, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: jph ]</small>

Good Morning. Well, it 's the last day before he is supposed to leave for SA. When I said I appreciate being able to share in the "fun", I should have been a little more clear. It certainly is not FUN going through this. Since I'm in it though, it kind of helps to have a WS that can make me laugh at his antics, even if he doesn't realize that's what he's doing. The knowledge that this board, MB and God has given me, has helped me to be able to see his behaviour as normal for a WS and to put his actions and words into perspective. I'd be a mess not realizing his fog. It allows me to see clearer.

You know how sometimes your driving through the fog and suddenly come to that clear spot only to enter the fog a moment later. I feel like I'm that clear spot surrounded by his fog.

Last night we had a WONDERFUL evening. We went to our little restaurant and had a very romantic dinner. I'm sure people thought we were dating! I felt like it. In fact, we closed the place down while talking. He kept going on and bringing up his leaving on Monday. But he always said he has a feeling he may be turning right around to come back or trying to get in touch with me to find a way to do the interviews and still come home to me. He went so far as to ask, "What if I call you every hour except when I'm sleeping?" I kept to my "Hmmmm." Smile. Long gaze into the eyes.

We came home, had a better time and cuddled all night. This morning he's kissy and huggy AND went outside to work on his car WITHOUT the cell phone. He's out there, probably for an hour and doesn't have his cell. THAT is a first.

Before he went out, he said he was going to work on it for an hour, run to the store and go pick me up some coffee. Then we're going to church and to do something as a family.

I know this man is doing some SERIOUS thinking right now. I also believe he is going to get on the plane and take some serious steps back by seeing OW. I'm expecting the pouting, anger, and accusations that are going to come with PLAN B being implemented once he does leave.

But I also know damn good and well that he's going to be thinking about ME while he's with her next week.

I'll be that little song he can't get out of his head.

Next week will be hard, I think. But I'm going to keep in my mind that whatever comes, I've been able to unravel, at least partially, their little world that took seven months to build in a matter of days.

THAT is the power of love. THAT is the power of family. THAT is something they will never have.

Hugs.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Pats on the back and hugs.

Hang in there. Tomorrow will tell. We'll all be sitting on the edges of our seats.

However, whatever happens, you are right. He is going to be thinking of YOU. Also OW is likely to LB all over the place, wanting to know what went on between you and WH. After all, she doesn't have a plan at all.

So my bets are on the marriage. Just be sure to expect the worse. But be pleasant and smiling. Tell him you will miss him in your life. Then come back here and give us the scoop.

He was out of home 18 months, being with OW last 7 months, and now you've been together for a few weeks...?

If so... timing for plan B might be reconsidered...?
(It wouldn' be late to plan B in one-two months?)

In the meantime, OW gets picture of his FAMILY (you&kids), full exposure to her CO and her parents, and you continue with your (excellent!) Aing...

Just a thought I HAD TO share, to re-think maybe...

<small>[ August 29, 2004, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Belonging to Nowhere ]</small>

FiM,

Just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and your husband all day today. Whatever happens, whether he goes or stays, I believe you are steadfastly in God's hands, and so is your WH and your marriage.

Hugs.

~ Snow

Well folks, big decisions are being made on the West Coast today.

Faithinme - Hang in there girl, you have done great. I am praying that your husband comes out of the fog today. Please be cheerful and calm, whatever he decides. Lots of prayers are coming your way.

belong, I too had second thoughts about this, because he was out of the house for so long. I think the bottom line for plan b is how much the BS can take without loosing love for the WS. That is a question only faith can answer. The other thing is that he is so in her face about this trip. He is forcing this to a head by going there. It is very effective because he is really having second thoughts. When (if ) he sees the OW he will see how empty she is as compaired to his life with faith. If all of this could be put on a scale for balance, faith would "win".

Maybe he needs to know how many lives he will affect if he goes. Wife, kids, extended family, even his grandkids some day. He will loose the respect of others too. People do not respond well to adulterers. That is why exposure is key-heck the ceo may have her transfered!

Faith, whatever you do we stand behind you. As an outsider, I think plan b is good, but only you know if you have had enough plan a. We will support your choice. You will know when it is time to tell him sh*t or get off the pot.

I am so glad you went to church-hope the guilt is KILLING him. You are a great woman and will be fine no matter what. If he looses you his life will be full of misery and regret. Faith, my H's A was 4 years ago and I have read a great deal since then, IMHO he will be back and OW will walk away from him because she never really thought of him as a MM-only an available guy. When the sh*t hits the fan she is not emotionally ready to handle this. It will end within 2 years, no matter what, so contest the divorce if it gets there, because no matter what his decision, stats say his relationship with the OW is OVER.

God bless and tons of hugss! Jersey Girl

PS He will try to blame you for everything, he will lash out at you in anger, he will react like a 2 year old who got his toy taken away. He will rewrite your history. Be stong and loving no matter what insults are thrown in your direction. In the end, your response to this will haunt him, he will be greatful that you are so strong and he will be in awe of you when the smoke and fog clears (and it will).

Good morning and thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

Well, he left a few minutes ago. It's kind of funny that the first place I've come to is MB. As I write this I do have tears running down my cheeks and a pain in my heart. But, there is still hope and quite a bit of it, I believe.

Yesterday we really did have a good day together again. Throughout the day WH would look at me like he hasn't in a long time, he told me loves me many times and continued to try to explain why he is going but believes things will be different when he gets there.

It hurt me to see him in so much turmoil. Unfortunately for him, not so much that I'm willing to deviate from the PLAN B. That was something he has been really trying to get around this weekend.

He told me he didn't look forward to going - he didn't get his suitcase packed until this morning.

He told me all the reasons he needs to go for the interview - he still has to pay the bills not matter what, if things don't work out here he needs to have a backup there, he can't afford to burn this bridge in such a small industry, this job offer is good for us either way, etc.

He broke down and cried more than once last night and this morning telling me he believes he'll be back to cuddle through another night and watch the kids fall asleep watching a movie.

All while slyly (he thought) trying to work around the plan.

I've really thought about the posts here with suggestions for the timing of PLAN B. It is now. I know it in my heart. Each tear and conflicted emotion wrung out of my WH tells me it is now. It's not about punishment or enjoying that pain though. It IS about my protecting my heart enough to allow his tears to touch me. Right now, it makes me want to protect him. This is how I can do that. If I see those tears and welcome them as retribution for my own, there is no chance to recover our marriage.

How in the world 22 days was enough to bring him to this point, I don't know. Especially since most of the visible progress was in the last 7 days. But, God willing, it has been. That man is hurting inside right now and doesn't even realize that the solution is sitting at the computer listening to her daughters snore the morning away. Or maybe it's that he does realize it and is having a hard time coming to terms with it.
***********************************************
Well, just recieved a call from him. I took it because PLAN B starts when he gets on the plane. It seems he'll likely miss the flight. I wasn't sure what time the flight was - only that it is sometime in the 7:00 hour - and it did seem like he was running a bit late for
that timeframe. Seems I was right. He's not very happy right now. He's going to call from the airport to see if there is another flight available today.

He said, "I didn't want to get out of bed with you, dragged my butt getting ready and left too late to get there in enough time even if traffic was moving right now. Does that sound like a man who wants to leave?"

Loaded question. Left me wide open for a response as to it being his damn choice to walk out the door this morning anyway. But I didn't. "Hmmmm. No." That's all I could give him.

So, he'll be calling back to let me know what he's doing. I may even take the call <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Kidding!! I'll take it, of course, until he leaves. OW will not be happy to know he's running late. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> So sad. I do still expect he'll be getting on that plane, today, tomorrow, I don't know. But he will.
**********************************************
So, I'm going to get ready for work even though it's not a normal work day for me. I'm going to go in and get some things accomplished and get on with the day. Maybe he'll be here with me. Maybe he won't.

But he'll be thinking of me.

For today, that may just have to be enough.

fim

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: faithinme ]</small>

I'm so sad with you Faith. Would it be wrong of us to put somthing in the SAT water supply that gives everyone the green apple quick steps?

I will tell you, after last weekend, you and Bob Pure gave me strength to get on. Hugs to you!

- Kimmy

You are doing the right thing, you are doing the right thing, you are doing the right thing.

I feel your pain all the way here on the other coast. Love has to be tough sometimes. I firmly believe in setting someone free. Again, if he comes back, it was meant to be. By being tough, you are rekindeling his need to chase you. If he knew you were just sitting there waiting, there would be no need to get off the fence. I know how tough this is because I did the same thing. I too was ready to start plan b and saw the attorney. Well, it is 4 years later and we are very happy together. I really thought it was going to be over, and I was ready, but it wasn't. I see the pain of what he has done in his eyes everytime he looks at me, and he is in awe because of my strengh and love. The stats are on your side. I believe you are doing the right thing. Psychologists would look at his almost missing the plane as a desire not to go. He'll be back. I am 98%+ sure-why? Because that is what the research says-I am praying for you and your family.

sorry to pop in and have to pop out again after the big long update above ... I'm getting ready to go into work though and he just called back

He's taking the 9 am flight instead but wants a pat on the back because he's called me twice and hasn't even called her to let her know he'll be late yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jeez.

Dork!

So, at 9 am the sun goes dark it seems.

More hugs-Some of the best men can be dorks sometimes-LIGHTS OUT!

Many Hugs!Jersey Girl

Thanks!!

AACCKK! I am going to be SO late this morning!

Just called and said to look on the patio table.

I go out and he's left the letter, unopened, outside on the table with a note.

"I think I know what this is going to say. I love you more than I thought and have faith that I will be coming back to work things out. I'll call you later this week."

I'm taking deep, cleansing breathes and digging up his email addresses.