Dear,
I know about the chestpain. It was a form of hyperventilation in my case. It felt (notice the past tense <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) like someone was sitting on my chest, especially when I woke up in the morning. At times, especially when the pain moved to my left side, I even got scared I'd have a heart attack.
Maybe you could consider taking natural things (like homeopathy) if you're reacting badly to AD's. I never took anything, no sleeping pills or AD's. But in hindsight I think it would have been better to get some "help" to get through those terrible first months. So try to find something you feel comfortable with to help you relax and avoid sleep deprivation, which really only makes matters worse.
Hang in there. I wish I would have found this site earlier in my recovery, it does help to know that it's NORMAL to feel like this in the beginning and that it WILL get better.
I have been thinking a lot about the very intense emotions that go with the discovery of an A etc. and this is what I came up with, I hope it can help you a little to put things into perspective.
To me, very primitive instincts are telling us that we are in mortal danger because our territory (the M) has been "invaded" by OP.
Your "mate" leaving you for OW has starts a serious panick attack on a very instinctive level. To the older part of your brain, where the "fight or flee" thing is situated, this is a real mortal danger for you, because you are left alone to fend for yourself. That might get you and your offspring killed as there is no male to defend you anymore.
Your primitive instincts also tell you you're "no good" anymore because your mate exchanged you for another, more suitable "mate". Hence the terrible loss of self-esteem that defies all logic in the eyes of others (including H).
Of course this is all rubbish. You're much more suitable for your H. That's why he came back, even if he doesn't realise it yet. But your instincts don't agree... they're still terribly scared and putting you on "red alert" all the time. Hence the fear, the staying awake, the never relaxing thing. It will take a while for these spooked wild horses to relax and return to peacefully grazing in the pasture of your M.
Like with the horses.. you'll need time. You can't talk them, or yourself, into believing everything is safe now. You'll have to regain the trust and feeling of safety on a very primitive level. So talk is good but not enough, you'll have to really see that H is committed to start relaxing again. NC is very important here, any reminder of OW will get your horses spooked again and you'll be back to square one, waiting for them to settle down while they're trampling around in your head.
Now because we humans have higher faculties, like love, understanding, patience, reason... you can implement plan A here, work on EN, talk through the things you need to know about the A, keeping the horses in mind. Don't overdo it. But don't run away either by sweeping it all under the rug.
There's a lot of very good information on this website, read, read, have H read too if he wishes.
If it's all too much come here to vent.. let your horses stampede around here.. they can't do much hurting here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .
(((suzcares)))
