He's off scuba diving with his dad so I thought I'd pop in and tell y'all how it's going.
Everything is still going well. He did go out on his own on Friday evening with some friends. I was *sort of* invited but didn't get the feeling that I was welcome so I gracefully declined. He said, "You can go if you want to."..which..ya know..is "allowing" me to go and I didn't want to be there unless he joyfully wanted me with him. I actually kind of thought he'd end up staying out the whole night (crashing at his parent's house) but he did come back to my apartment.
Yesterday we went to Adventure Island (a waterpark) with his whole family and the weather was miserable (poured almost the whole time) but I still feel it was a great day. I went on rides that I normally wouldn't go on and everyone had a nice time.
He did tell me that he loved me the other night when we were getting ready for bed. I haven't heard that in a while and it was very nice to hear. I smiled and responded in kind.
There is still a lot of affection present, more and more, and it's more than I had expected. We have still managed to avoid R talks (for the most part which I'll tell about in a sec) but that's actually getting harder. I had thought that after a few days of not bringing up the R, that the urge would pass for me but as he's here longer, the urge is getting stronger. lol, I already have the whole conversation planned out in my head, but I am sooo trying not to bring it up. What I want to say to him is, "I am not asking you to give me anything right now, but I do have a question. We have a divorce date planned in the event that we do not feel like the marriage can be "fixed". In the meantime, what do you feel you would lose by giving a 100% effort to rebuilding our love and our marriage?" And I'd go from there--but I will try very very hard not to do this. Of course I'm DYING to know what his answer to that question would be..but I'll try try try.
I did have one major LB and feel like I lost about 50% of the ground I have gained over this week. I was not sleeping well last night and around 4 AM got up to sit on the porch for awhile. His cellphone was sitting on the counter so I took it outside with me and started looking through the #'s and call-logs. Or that was the plan. He came out before I even had a chance to look, to see why I wasn't in bed and of course I had the cellphone. I immediately handed it to him, said that there was no excuse for that sort of behavoir and that I was sorry. I explained that there was no excuse but that it was hard not knowing very much about his life right now, that he had something completely separate from me that I know nothing about. He did not actually seem that upset about the whole thing, but I still feel that I lost a lot of ground. He said that if I wanted to know something I should just ask. I said that I couldn't ask because he even told me once that he did not want to discuss his private life and that if I asked about it he might lie (he actually said that). He responded that we had talked about that and in the end had agreed that we're past that point and agreed that there's no reason to lie about things anymore. Um..okay...we actually didn't come to that agreement but he seems to think we did.
So any way, that was my major LB and as far as I can tell, it's the only one I've done so far. Please with me luck with the rest of the trip and wish me luck in continuing to NOT bring up the R!!!!
