I am still surprised. He left this mrning at 6 am to catch a flight to Baltimore to attend the wake of a business associate who passed away suddenly this week. I knew he was hurting over the loss - he was a good friend as well. But as been closed about it and not talked about it. Last night when we were finally communicating (YEAH!!) he shared his grief with me. I was so touched - WH has been so emotionally distant lately and hasn't wanted me to share in anything remotely personal. So when he has called I have been very receptive pleased to hear his voice - and he knows it! This last time I told him I'd be home all day so if he wanted to talk - Id' be happy to listen and he said he didn't want me to listen - he just wanted to some light conversation.

He will be talking with OW today - she has just returned from a cruise with her H for their 25 wedding anniversary. She called him yesterday and said he told me that it was about a minute just to say she was on the way home and would call him today. He told me last night that he was hoping that the resolution to this would be peaceful for everyone all the way around. He is not able to go NC right now (tried this twice and and it didn't work - so this time he wants to do it differently). But he asked me to listen to my heart as to what he wold say and when - and I know he will deal with it and soon - I believe in him and what's more - I TRUST him - I know in my heart and in the depths of me that this time it is different.

So now I wait - and then the real work begins.

JFaye,

I think you are seeing some good results from your new strategy in Plan A, but I need to point something out to you. If your H "couldn't end" contact [read: wouldn't end] in the past, what will be different in the future that will cause him to end contact?

See, what your H has told you is nothing more than fog talk designed to buy some time to continue the affair. He has no intention of ending it. He won't do it if he doesn't have to, he has no reason to do it. He is getting his needs met by 2 women and no man in his right mind would give that up if he didn't have to.

I realize that you dearly want to trust him, but I would caution you to trust his ACTIONS and not his words. I would base my hope on ACTIONS and not words, because talk is very cheap when it comes to affairs. VERY CHEAP.

If I were you, I would not go along with this, because you are only enabling the affair. I would send that letter off to the OWH and continue your spectacular Plan A. Work on attracting him back.

But just know that recovery is impossible until the affair ends. And it is your responsibility to do everything in your power to END this affair. Your marriage has NO HOPE until that happens.

I would also wager that you will see him start pulling away again today after he talks to the OW and resumes his romance.

JFaye, it would be crazy to depend on your fogged out H to end this affair. He has already told you that he "can't." He has SHOWN you nothing via his actions, to make you believe otherwise.

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>