About going, I am going mainly crazy trying to figure if I am going or not. Either that I am entering a Belgian school and do something else. I have come to numerous conclusions, I even look at other school, I just recently found that University of Maryland is here.. probably would be too late to apply for this semester which is kinda disappointing. I am going just to do the online thing if I do not go to USA.

My husband is feeling guilty in all, its funny, how he says he wants me to continue my education, (which I have no intension of giving up)... but he knows he had held me back. It's also my fault, but its "NOONE"S fault its freaking life"......

He is repeating everyday taht I must go to the states for me to finish schooling... EVERY DAY.. which is driving me to CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is getting on my last nerves..

Now action speaks better than words. He call me at work saying "I don't want you to go back there." Then he calls me and ask "did you look for your ticket yet?"

Then we went to go get an ironing board at the furniture store... (we're supposedly moving) He suggested that we buy new stuff.. ok I bought couple of more stuff for the house. Then he asked if I was happy about my new furnitures because we paid quite expensive this African table with extensive designs... its a peice of art, and I bet noone else have it at their house.

ok... all his actions are to attracting me to stay, but he keep saying "you look for a ticket yet?" (shakes her head and sighs*)


Then friday, he told me he had a surprise for me..... I am a left winger.. very left.. as left as left can be.. I just do not tie myself to trees... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> so I'm green all the way and proud* He took me to see F 911 with Micheal Moore.... (yes, that helped me to make great decision to go back to the states!!!!!!!!)

I want to beat him with a huge STICK!


And financially... remember I told you guys about me starting my own business.. well I have couple customers.. potential customers that have called for information and pricing, and I have couple of ads out .... I've been working at home so tommorow I have my very first customer. and next week I have another one. I make pretty good money, if I have 2 customer a week, I make more than I used to make working 5 days a week. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> So I'm proud of myself.

And I also like what I am doing. I do not need to really spend money on my Business, just for the ads <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Only art I know is the art of beauty..... that's the only artistic talent I have is braids and hair extensions... I do these things well, so I am using my only artistic talent to make some money. It's actually working!

I am writting to really clear my mind, but what do you guys think?

P.S I have been snooping, I never stop!!!! I can't stop!.... I look at everything.. specially the phone.....

Harudah - Good girl! You are doing some constructive things. Hang in there. I have to go to work right NOW, but will post later.

yeah your pupil is doing good for herself, when my H saw the way I was doing my work, and the demands that I have..... It felt so good to work and actually gain my own money.

I did not have any bad thoughts today and it was great to have someone to talk to. I work in the comfort of my own home.. no stress really.

Well, that's my update..........I have 2 others this week and one next week. I'm keeping busy, but I don't work everyday, but I manage my site during the week.

Well that's it.. I'm tired.. and its a good tired.. I can sleep tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

harudah - It sounds like a good business. Maybe you can get some college credits for running your own business. Look into that. You know, make out a business management plan, and get some credit.

I'm glad you are feeling some peace. I am too, but for me it's that I just don't care about WH anymore.

Time says it all. I sing a different song everyday.....I had noone today, so I felt a bit weird this morning because I had no expectations...and well noone to talk to really. H called, and we talked for like 35 minutes on the phone....nothing serious, just talking and how we say the "11th" is like the worse number we could have. Anyways, I'm feeling a bit of a downer. I woke up and I wanted to construct my day, but I found no way to it. I wanted to go out and buy myself some flowers, but I must go to the bank first. It's sunny outside, but I am feeling a bit weird because today I had no work.

Weird isn't it? I'm working on getting more customers... (that's work), but its not really physical enough. I'm just really bored at home right now and I did not put anything to stimulate my senses at all!

It's funny. Here is another example of my husband's craziness! Last night he brought home a brochure for a house. its a "fixer upper".... And he said.. "if I had the money, I'd just buy it CASH!"..... then he looks at me with those big eyes and told me what his coworker told him. We can afford to buy it, but with just a little loan.. it would not be huge, its smaller than what my college education cost for gawd's sake! He told me "I should buy it" I'm the one that takes initiative in this family really, I told him to call the realtor and ask them for him to come and see it. We'd just go on saturday and look at it.. and if it doesn't please us.. we would just leave.

Aside, its an investment, and we've always wanted to buy sell housing together. I thought it would be a great start. Then he told me "I should call my mom about it." This is the same people that spent 35 years renting rather than buying the same house they live in for 32 years right now because they were "INDECISIVE"... THAT kinda pissed me off!

Anyways, if I do not want to get a loan.. all I have to do is call my mom and told her its a house, she'd send the money (NO DOUBT) because she beleives everyone should own their house.

Anyways, I'm going to push him to go see it! Or I call myself the place and make an appointment. Sometimes its really hard to live with someone that complains all the time about their situation and does nothing to fix it!

I know I am pouring my guts out, but that's how I feel right now.. It could be PMS... but right now.. I'm on DECISION making ....

I remember when I went to camp for 3 months to be a tutor/counselor, then I took a year just to learn peer counseling, my HS teacher told me one thing that I will always remember.. actually 2. "You risk nothing, you gain nothing, you risk everything, you have everything to gain from it" And that's true!!!!!

The second thing he wrote on my book "Remember, great things comes in small packages." I'm 5'1, but he said I was the most pleasant and most welcoming one in the group for others to come to.


I cant' forget all these great things though.


I hate when my brain is alone at home I think about all crazy stuff, but I must move on.. I must live my life to the fullest, I must not imagine otherwise... I can dream, I will dream, but I will take my dreams far, I will plan, but I shall remember that things do not go my way all the time and I have to really get back in the game even though I'm down.

ok that's it..

Hey BELEiver! I saw your pic finally.. you're just so darn cute!!!!!!!

big hugs* I got a taste of what work is and I"m excited to get back, but I do not want to work for anyone else but me.... I'm tying my waist line and take what God sends to me..

I'll tell you what happened with the house.

Hi Harudah! How is life in sunny Belgium?

Great to see that you have found yourself a money-making scheme. No matter what happens, you will always have that!

How are things with H?

Sending lots of love xxx