I've been trying to find out more information about D laws and florida (not because i want a D mind you) and came across the following:

"A deposition is a statement, taken in writing, to be used to reinforce a position on a disputed issue in the divorce at a later date. It affords each side the opportunity to gain information from one another, as well as, any expert witnesses who may offer opinions regarding the disputed issues. An authorized reporter of the court is always present, to ensure that the questions asked and answers given may be verified at a later date. This is especially valuable, as it provides for the testimony of a witness recorded in a deposition to be presented in court as evidence even if the witness is not present in court at the time of the hearing or trial."

I would certainly consider SH an expert witness and if the tesitmony could be recorded and presented because he is unable to be present in court then would he consider this?

does anyone have any experience w/this? or know if SH has ever done this before? the disputed issue would be of course that my H thinks that we can't rebuild our M and i think we can.

prayers to all of you, RR

I doubt it.

If our spouse spoke with him at all, there is patient confidentiality.

What could he add as an "expert witness" that is not already established elswhere?

Chris,
i guess my position is that it is possible for us to rebuild our M if we were to try together. i don't know how these things work. i don't know if a lawyer would introduce stuff like statistics, studies, and what trained professionals say as a defense of why i don't want a divorce.

of course my opinion is that SH is an expert when it comes to talking about how "things" can be worked out, how it is possible to get the feelings back, etc. undoubtedly there are others who would say the same things but i haven't talked w/any one else. also thought that my "state (i don't know if you could call it mental or just a position)" could be used as a posture that i'm not ready yet. it wouldn't really be that my H talked to SH so he should be more willing. it's more of all the experience SH has had in counseling. maybe even introduce the idea of the MB weekend.

like i said, i don't know how these things work. i don't really see the courts being real sympathetic w/me since we don't have children. i'm just information gathering due to last conversation i had w/my H (i don't know if you read it or not) and was curious how the use of a counselor as an expert witness might have some weight. i wouldn't want SH to really disclose the conversations that he had w/my H. That's really not the intent to state "where" my H is, the intent is to show that there is an alternative that we could try versus D and that it does have a lot of successes.

does that make sense? this will take for my H to actually file versus him just telling me that he "has to." if he thinks that i'm going to willingly participate in a D then he is sadly mistaken and that will cost him. but because there is such a cost in contesting a D, i have to do find out a lot of info out on my own. not a lot of free lawyers out there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

That's kinda where I thought you were going with it.

That kind of stuff may or may not even be relevant.

How could he (or how would he) file in your state?
You can contest in most cases and it's up to the judge to decide if it's "relevant" or not.
If it's a "no-fault" state and that is how it gets filed, then "evidence" is irrelevant. Simply the fact that one party wants the marriage to end is enough to end it.

the intent is to show that there is an alternative that we could try versus D and that it does have a lot of successes
Most (if not all) judges already know that things can be worked out if both parties try.
What you should try to show is that he did not do anything to give it a chance, such as he only attended counseling x times and that was only to help you understand what went wrong or he refused all other attempts at joint counseling.

Again, all of this may not mean anything to a judge. Usually, a marriage is gonna end if one party wants it to.
Also, keep in mind that something like 20% of people who split up, never actually file any paperwork. They just go their own ways.

thanks Chris, i'll keep those things in mind. i hadn't thought about it that way. i mean i know he hasn't tried but to kind of present that as my side could be something used.

other things i was thinking was something along the lines of that what i have experienced and am experiencing is something along the lines of PTSD and that i need more time, which is true.

i don't know the specifics about anything of what he would have to do. i'm sure he's kind of looked into it but actually done anything i don't think so. our last conversation he said he wanted to do this together. well, that's just not going to happen. but maybe again, if i can slow things down and perhaps get the courts to order joint counseling it might help because time might just be what is needed and time and counseling (w/both spouses) may be just the sword that is needed to cause a permanent wedge between my H and the OW.

maybe at this point it's more about having regrets, meaning i want to be able to say i did everything i could. because i'll be honest my energy level is kind of low and all the work that is needed to rebuild a marriage and so on seems really daunting, not to mention the money all this is going to cost. wish i had a friend who was a lawyer in florida who would help me pro bono <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> oh well... maybe him telling me he has to file for a D is again trying to get me to be the one who files.

thanks Chris and prayers to you, RR

Actually, I spoke to steve about just that in the last month. He can give testimony about the nature of A's and the efforts/progress made by the BS to save the M. That goes against the idea that the M is irretreivably broken. I'm in Florida and just went through this. SH and I have been talking weekly for two months. He can be a resource!

Also, he isn't always counseling, he's coaching so much of what he shares isn't covered by confidentiallity laws. Call him and get your specific plan together.

I actually have been counseling w/SH for awhile now and just got off the phone w/him. he basically said that the only reason that something goes to court is when something is in dispute and w/our situation there's nothing really in dispute. yeah, i disagree that the marriage is irretreivably broken but he said the courts will see that we are adults and if i'm truly having such a hard time w/all this then that's what counseling is for.

i guess i really knew that all along, i've said as such on many occasions that there's really nothing i can do to stop a D but try to prolong things and maybe in time things will change. it doesn't sound as if a deposition could really even be applicable in my case. i think this is mainly for people w/kids.

thanks for the responses though, prayers to all, RR