Here is what I am struggling with.

I know W has had EAs with more than one man in the year we have been separated. The first one was well under way when she left. She asked for the separation the day after I found out about EA and confronted her with it. When I confronted her she turned it around and made it about me “invading her privacy”. I discovered the EA when I went to use my computer and found her Yahoo Messenger screen still open and logged on. There in front of me was a complete log of my dear W having cyber-sex with OM.
Since then I have read her e-mail several times. When she first left she had constant problems with her internet connection and would come here to use my computer. She was using it to check her e-mail and send instant messages to other men. That just made it easier for me to see the messages she sent.
I have logged on to her email account and seen messages that indicate she may be having PA with current OM. Based on the little info I had I have since found out OM,s name, address, phone number, his wife's name, his daughter's name and I think I know where he works.
What do I do with this? I want to talk to her about it all. Get the truth out in the open so we can deal with it and begin to grow back together again. But, all I really have is suspicion based on my spying. If I talk to her based on that I am afraid it will just make her angry about my “invading her privacy” again and push her away for good. On the other hand, one day last fall she was here and in a “down” kind of mood. She said “maybe she wanted me to see those messages”. She never explained what she meant by that. I assumed she wanted to hurt me. Maybe what she meant was she wanted me to get angry and help her out of a mess she had gotten into.
Here’s the question. Do I talk to her based on just evidence from my spying or do I try to find confirmation somehow?
Just for the record I do feel guilty about the spying I have done. But, without it I think I would still be in the dark and blaming myself for everything that has gone wrong in our marriage.

I personally think you need to sit down and have a long talk with your wife. She can't keep doing this!!!!! You have to know the truth!
Good luck!

Why?

I mean is there a way to get beyaond these EAs without hurting or angering or embarassing her with my knowledge of them?

Unfortunately I don't think so. I'm no expert but from what I've been told here is that you need to expose the A to start recovery.
You might want to see what otheres have to say but for me I couldn't just keep it a secret.

I'm sure you are right. I just wouldn't want to hurt her for the world.

Does the OM have a family? How do you feel about shining a great big light on this A?

L.