Jen

<small>[ August 10, 2004, 01:41 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Not much arguament here..I would be at the head of the line to declare that the WS has their very own batch of grief and all of the fun that implies. The only dispute I can see having real justification with regard to krusht's thread is that usually..and correct me if I am wrong here..not on the right side of the fence to see this clearly...the WS is using the ugly perspective of the BS to justify what they are doing to themselves. The BS has a different situation. We never wanted to see our spouse in an ugly way, it doesn't serve us to do so..but the A grabbed us by the back of the head and held us nose to nose with what has occurred..and what has occurred is indeed very ugly. I think it is very healthy for both spouses to see that the other person is grieved..unfortunately, the depression and withdrawl sort of inhibit that. Very late now...[eyeballs clock] wow. I'm off to bed to stare unhappily at the ceiling [last few weeks of pregnancy have brought the gift of insomnia..I flutterred my eyelashes at the doctor today hoping for relief, but alas, it comes with delivery..just in time for some more no sleep but at least then the chief offender may have his/her panties in a bind, but not his/her feet in my lungs so it's still better. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ]

Jen,

What's up?

L.

Now I feel like a total idiot for deleting it. But, I felt with all the pain around I didn't need to go adding to it.

Orchid, I was just saying that withdrawal is grief and I went through the 5 stages, luckily ending with acceptance and total indifference to the OM. Our MC also talked about withdrawal being grief. She also said we were both grieving but on different sides of the fence. H hated that I couldn't just "get over it" but he was also completely prepared to wait it out. Just as well he did because he's been rewarded with a fog free wife.

Noodle, it's been 24 years next week since I last gave birth. I remember it vividly though <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I asked my H the other day about the "movies in his head" and what he was really feeling now (10 months after d-day). He said it's over, it's passed, we're together and we're through this. Cool guy, my H.

Jen

Thanks for posting Jen. Now I can go to sleep. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the stages of grieving, both the Ws and BS goes through them but often it is the BS that does not have the support. In your case, your H seems to be ahead of the game or you are just married to a super guy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

When the xWS goes through those stages, it is as
an xws trying to change to a spouse. The BS also changes but the transformation from BS to spouse is not as obvious.

All the best to you and your H,
L.