WW came home for a little over a week, but the draw of the OM was too strong. She went looking for another place yesterday, with OM. I quit. She wins! I'm done. Been down this road way too often and I can't do it anymore. Broken promises, lies, deceit, fog, withdrawal, I just can't do this any more...

I asked her why. The answer, as always, I didn't mean to do this. I never meant to hurt anyone. It's the same story over and over and over. She says she never loved me. I asked her, for 17 years, every time you told me you loved me you were lying. She says, its different, you just don't understand. I asked, you say you care about me, but then you go straight back to OM every time, how can you say you care? She says, I never meant for this to happen. Sound familier?

Well, I told her to find a place quick. I want her gone. I told her to fill out the DV paperwork again and I'll sign it ASAP. The sooner the better. No backing out this time, no more chances, no more anything...

The worst part is knowing she is in my house and still seeing OM. I said you like making rules for our Ds but you don't have any rules in this house. She says that's right, I don't have to listen to anyone. She says this is still her house also, though she hasn't paid a penny on it in over a year. Yep, she has no rules, she has no worries, she has no responsibilities to anyone.

I told her she has a long hard road ahead of her. I said if she goes back to OM, she's going to lose her kids. I told her the kids know that her relationship with OM is wrong and that's why they never stayed with her. I said as long as OM is in her life, she is choosing him over her kids. I told her I don't care what she does, but she will suffer losing her girls if she continues seeing OM. But, I know my words fall on empty ears, it goes in one and out the other. I just hope my girls get through this.

Thats it. I'm done......

Dear Lost,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I am glad your girls have you, they will need you to be strong for them. Take care of yourself.

K

LWH

I'm so sorry she is doing this to your family. I am in the exact same position, but you have endured it for much longer than me.

I hate the friggin FOG!

My WH doesn't want a divorce (classic cake-eater), so I'm doing it myself with adultery as the grounds. It will bring me some peace, but I know that a divorce will be very painful for our family. Do you think she will actually file?

Her explanations, if you want to call them that, are EXACTLY what my Fogman spews. Makes me sick. She is trying to act like a victim...yeah, whatever...

Lwh,

Sorry for the latest turn of events. Your daughters ages sound similar to RedHat. He is a dad who won custody of his 2 girls here in CA. That's a big accomplishment for a liberal state who feels most women can do whatever the h3ll they feel like and still maintain the house and custody. He had to do a lot of work, but in the end, he had his girls. They do see their mom and even the OM but he retains custody. I have met his daughters, they are bright, talented and beautiful. He is proud of his children and s/b. As for his W, she got her $$ and wants more, her and the OM lived with his mom because the OM lost his house to his XW. Now RH's xw and the OM live in a house she bought with the settlement but RH has custody of his girls and he is doing fine.

I share this exp in hopes it will help you. You babbled back and cleared through the fog, just great. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know if seemed like it feel on deaf ears but what you said will have a way of ringing back later when you are not around. That's the beauty of babbling back.

Check out your custody options in your area.

take care,
L.

Lwh,

Sorry for the latest turn of events. Your daughters ages sound similar to RedHat. He is a dad who won custody of his 2 girls here in CA. That's a big accomplishment for a liberal state who feels most women can do whatever the h3ll they feel like and still maintain the house and custody. He had to do a lot of work, but in the end, he had his girls. They do see their mom and even the OM but he retains custody. I have met his daughters, they are bright, talented and beautiful. He is proud of his children and s/b. As for his W, she got her $$ and wants more, her and the OM lived with his mom because the OM lost his house to his XW. Now RH's xw and the OM live in a house she bought with the settlement but RH has custody of his girls and he is doing fine.

I share this exp in hopes it will help you. You babbled back and cleared through the fog, just great. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I know if seemed like it feel on deaf ears but what you said will have a way of ringing back later when you are not around. That's the beauty of babbling back.

Check out your custody options in your area.

take care,
L.

Hi LWH,

I am sorry about all that has happened but it's really no surprise.You have waited so long for your WW to get some control of herself and take the right path but she is still very confused and running away from her life.How many times can she come in and out of *your life? It's like a revolving door and you are hurting the whole time.

If given the chance I would sign papers today.But,I have to keep waiting for the "process" to happen and I have already had to reschedule the Mediator appt.I had set up for this month. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> My lawyer is going to be in court that day.Grrrr.Now more waiting,just what I don't want.

I too am not going easy on my WH of the girls.He will not have the usual comforts he is accustomed to.No gatherings at the home,no access to me,I will have sole custody since my WH could really care less about their needs right now and he's not trying to change any of that,it suits him just fine.

Anyway,I am right there with you like some other's here.D seems like the rational and appropriate choice for some of us with what we are dealing with.I wish you strength and a clear mind to endure this.

O

I told her to fill out the DV paperwork again and I'll sign it ASAP.

If a divorce is really what you want .... then why don't you file ... and depending which state you live in , file for cause, adultery.

This has been going on for a long time ... if you file, you send her a clear message... GAME OVER.

It might shake her out of her tree if you file instead of waiting for her to make a decision.


Pep

((((LWH)))))

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am over the recent events. Although I am not convinced it truly is over for you all, I know the pain and frustration you must be feeling. My heart goes out to your girls. It must be a very confusing time for them.

Your posts have caught my eye for several reasons...
I also live in Anchorage. I was surprised to find someone else on the board from here. (Can you BELIEVE our summer?).

My H's ow (pretend there is a grumpy face here because I don't know how to do it) had two teenage daughters. Their "mom" would move in and out of the house for each affair. (She's had at least three....I am so ashamed to admit one of them being my husband)

We also filed for divorce and recinded it 2 days before it was final. We split up again several months later and reconciled again. At the time, I didn't know there was someone else. He denied....I believed. I didn't find out until years later that my suspicions were real.

Although we were married many years , at the time we didn't have children....I was a mess. You are an amazing dad and it will be because of your efforts that your daughters will make it through.

Please know that I am here routing for you! I hope that you are taking care of yourself and enjoying some of this beautiful weather.

Pray the volcano doesn't limit our outdoor activities!

Wannabewhole (and I can honestly say I am almost there)

Well, WW filled out the dissolution paperwork. I don't like that she will get half my retirement, but that's ok. I get everything else. I win no matter what. I keep my girls, house, cars, and most importantly my sanity.

I talked to my Ds. They both have said that if their mother goes back to OM, they will not stay with her at all. Youngest D told me she told her mother that if she goes back to OM she'll never talk to her again. I know she said this because she was hurt, and I'm sure she wil talk to her mother no matter what, but it shows how much they dispise OM.

I told my wife she has a long hard road ahead of her. I told her if she goes back to OM she will lose her girls. I said that when she broke away from him for a short period and lived by herself the girls spent time with her. So, if she wants to spend time with her girls she has to make a choice between them and the OM. My kids know that that relationship was wrong and they will not be part of it. On the other hand, my Ds have told me I need to find someone else, someone "better" than their mother. I was surprised when they said that. I'm sure I will meet someone in the way off future when all this mess is cleared and I can breath again...

I appreciate all the support all of you have given me. It's been a terrible journey and I couldn't have made it this far without all of you. I'll keep posting even when I'm getting over all this.... Thanks again...

P.S. Wannabewhole, I have been enjoying this summer. I took about 5 weeks off to enjoy it. Caught some fish and spent time with my girls camping. It has been an awesome summer. I still haven't tried for silvers yet, but real soon I'll be flippin' at the tailrace or at Jim Creek!

lostwithouther...

I HOPE and PRAY you realize how GOOD you sound...

your name....fit you to a tee when you first came here....

your pain your hurt your confusion...was blinding to us posters...unbearable for you...

look how well you have done
look how much you have grown..

this also remains a success story...when this type of things happens...

when one spouse becomes strong and confident enough to say...

no more chaos...
not for me
not for mine.

it was for you the lighthouse post was written...and it is your wifes chaos that continues to block her vision from the sanctuary..

but you are still here standing tall and more admirable in your childrens eyes than ever..
you have done well
and have much to be proud of...

I know you still hurt....move through the mourning....but take pride in all that you have conquered...
the darkest nights are over.
no longer will you have the uncertainity...
and you move forward KNOWING you did all you good..

good job friend...very well done...
bravo....

ARK