I've been lurking here a few weeks while my WH and I try to work through inital recovery from my discovery of his 2 1/2 year EA.

The first six weeks were absolute he!! for me but with his and OW's immediate pledge of NC, his obvious remorse and re-commitment to our M and the help of a great faith-based MC, I was able to forgive him a week ago.

I'm doing much better now but my H seems to have been hit by a 2 by 4 of remorse, guilt and depression. He went to see our Dr. yesterday who prescribed Effexor XR.

My concern is that H reports the Dr. said it would take six weeks for the meds to begin to have an effect.

Does anybody out there have any experience with this particular A-D? I looked it up and understand the side effects but the write-up said nothing about this kind of a delay in improvement.

I'm not sure it's a good idea for him to have to take a medicine for so long without an effect. He's hurting and needs help now.

Any ideas? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

PerdidaInTexas:

Just had a conversation about this with my good friend and MD. Ask your Doc about Zanax. Works ASAP and only to be used as needed!

Thanks!!

We may need to have that discussion with the doc. It just seems wierd to me to give something to someone that won't help for a month and a half.

Many ADs can take 4 to 6 weeks to kick in totally. I got on Lexapro which began kicking in in a few days. It was great. However it did cause sexual side effects, so I wouldn't recommend it for your H. The SSRIs do cause this problem. I don't think Effexor does, but I'm not sure. If he is feeling anxious maybe an antianxiety med would help.

Your H might be feeling remorse, guilt, and depression", but I can gaurantee he is also in major withdrawal. For months my H woke up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. Wanted to call the OW constantly. Had to have an AD he was already on increased. Sleep meds. He had real physical symptoms of withdrawal.

It sucks realizing that our Ss are going through this because they miss the person who caused us so much pain. Maybe you're H isn't having this experience, but I just wanted you to know it is possible. Hang in there! CV

PIT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ask your Doc about Zanax </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Talk to your doctor, but unless you H is showing signs of anxiety, he probably won't prescribe Xanex, which is a tranquilizer. It IS a depressant. Now, some depression is a result of anxiety, and in those cases it will be prescribed.

As others have said, it is normal for AD's to take 4-6 weeks to achieve therapeutic blood levels. But, in many cases, and Lexapro being one of the cases, people often start feeling better before that. Some have a "placebo effect"...just by taking the medication they feel they are "doing something" about their problem, and it helps their outlook. Lexapro is also approved for GAD, General Anxiety Disorder, and this aspect of the medication usually takes effect within a few days.

Don't write off the A/D's just yet. Give them time to work, and they will probably do their job.

~sm~

Also, as to the Sexual Dysfunction problem...only Wellbutrin and Serzone are completely SF problem free. I, however, had no relief to my depression from Wellbutrin. Many have, though. Serzone has had some other problems and isn't being prescribed a whole lot. My experience was that the "delayed ejaculation" problems faded with time...about 2-3 months. And, before some woman says, "How is THAT a problem"...believe me, it is a problem when a man starts the job and can't finish it. It's frustrating as HELL.

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 09:31 AM: Message edited by: Simple Minded ]</small>

Per in TX,

The short story of me and Effexor:

After finding out about my wife's A, I went into the tank.
I was a living zombie.
I let slept walked through my days yet didn't sleep at night.
I neglected myself so badly, (stress, wore out, not eating/sleeping) that I caught pneumonia.

Thankfully, my wife got me into our Dr. and then into a therapist.
(Mind you before this time I'd NEVER been to a counselor, psychiatrist or been on ANY type of ADs).

Any way, I was given the Effexor for my depression and also Remeron to be able to sleep.
I must state that they BOTH did their jobs.

The effexor (for me) kicked in within the first couple of weeks. And then progressively got better.
It did not make me "high" or "out of it". It was not a Happy Pill.

All it did was make my lows "less deep" and also let me get back out of them more quickly.
It also gave me back some control of my emotions.

The remeron was GREAT for sleeping.
Truthfully, Got you actually "sleepy" quickly ...Without any type of 'hangover" effect in the morning ---highly recommend if anyone has an insomnia problem

In any case, a warning about the Effexor.
IT does have a very large percentage of sexual side effects (especially in Men). Somewhere in the 30-35% range.
And yes, I got the side effects as well.
My sex drive went from say an 8-9, down to a ONE.
Also even IF aroused it took me much longer to ejaculate.
So the good news is yes, it worked for its intended purpose.
However, the side effects were very real.

In any case, After about 5 months or so I had a follow up...where we discussed the sexual side effects.... and we agreed to switch to Wellbutrin. It has much less side effects.
Fortunately for me, I felt much better and had processed the A to a point to where I felt I wanted to try and go without any medication.
I got off and haven't went back on any since. (not saying I haven't felt like it at times).

Oh yea, if he is already on it....head this warning as well.
They tell you to "wean' yourself off of the Effexor whenever you do stop needing it.
Be Sure to taper down off of it over a few weeks.
Otherwise their is the potential to get sick. (withdrawl)

I did NOT listen and just stopped taking it, cold turkey.
The result was much like getting a bad case of the Flu.....just like they had warned me.

Just letting you BOTH know to take the information they give you seriously.
Hope this helped. IF I didn't hit on something, ask, and I'll see if I can answer.
later

I'm going to add my two cents in also even though I know it can get confusing with so much information and varing reactions in different people.

I used to take Lexapro...loved it! I started it way before WH started A though. I took it from Jan. 2003 - April 2003 when I got pregnant. The only thing bad about it was that I had NO desire for sex. Not a good thing in my case.

So, when I went back on an A-D after my son was born I went on Wellbutrin which has been great for the depression and has the added benefit of killing my appetite. (It is being researched as a weight loss drug now too). The problem with Wellbutrin? One of the side effects can be anxiety. Odd but true. It does have that effect on me. So, my doctor put me on Ativan when I began having anxiety attacks after I found out WH wanted a divorce. He said that Ativan has the same effect as Xanax but is far less addictive. Personally, the combination of Wellbutrin and Ativan has been a lifesaver.

Give the A-D some time to work and if anxiety is an is issue maybe Ativan would be a good, less addictive option.

Thanks to those replying.

I hadn't thought about withdrawal - he denies he's in withdrawal but two nights ago got angry with me about the fact that I had called OW's H on D-Day (June 17) plus 4 to tell him what had been going on.

I thought it was interesting that WH still seems to be trying to protect his OW after all that's happened.

I don't know if A-D's help with withdrawal or if only time will get him through that. It doesn't seem like they can hurt.

He's showing some of the side effects indicated by the medicine write-up like headache and stomach pains but says he doesn't feel any better, less fragile or less-stressed, yet. From your postings I see that that's going to come in a few weeks and just went to encourage him to take today's pill and stick with the program.

He's home now on FMLA from work because his performance has dropped so much. Actually, it's been dropping throughout the A. In '00 and '01 he had excellent evaluations, large raises and a significant promotion. The A started in Jan 02; his evaluation for '02 was terrible and his raise dropped 40 percent from '01. The evaluation in '03 was an absolute disaster and his raise dropped another 40% so he's basically not even close to keeping up with inflation. He has been on probation with write-ups since March (D-Day was June 17). The issue throughout the affair was anger at work, rudeness to customers and tardiness due to sleep disorders. All things the kids and I were experiencing here at home without understanding the underlying reason. Oh well.

I've been in management for two decades and it's clear to me that his supervisor is preparing to push him out the door and let him become somebody else's problem. This will be tough for us because I'm self-employed now and we rely on that job for our medical insurance. Maybe the move to FMLA will help buy us some time. I don't know. I do know that he really needs to find a way to get back up on his feet. The poor guy has pretty much been flattened by both the A and its exposure and by his realization of how enormously he's screwed up and how much he's put at risk.

It's absolutely overwhelming to me how huge the cost of all this is going to be - two familes and two marriages deeply damaged, two BS's with broken hearts that need to heal, four children (2 and 2) impacted, a deeply depressed WH, a great job that he once excelled at probably lost, and the dollar and time costs of MC and marriage rebuilding. And I guess I'll soon need to be adding temporary loss of SF to the list for the duration of the meds.

Whew.