I have posted before that W was having affairs with 2 men at the same time....

I finally got solid evidence by phone tapping and I am prepared to confront her with it and put everything on the table.....

I dont know how I should do it and i really need all of your help to confront...

Thanks.

FIRST THINGS FIRST....

What is it you want to accomplish with exposure ?

Exposure isn't your PLAN...

what is your GOAL ?

That's a better way to start.

Dear DP,

I suppose you still love your W otherwise you'd have your divorce papers there by now. So I'll presume you want to work with her to rebuild your M, even if she'll need some time to "withdraw" from some sort of sex-addiction. As you might have read here that is a powerful drug that makes people behave like they're really drugged, totally unreasonable, always looking for their next fix.

Try to be calm and loving. If your W is involved with 2 men.. there are serious issues here with her self-esteem etc. even if she will not see things that way.

Tell her that you know what is going on and add a little of the evidence, just enough to stop her take the easy escape of denial. Then simply ask her "Please tell me what is going on here" and listen to her. Don't LB. Don't get angry if she'll start justifying.. blaming... saying things that hurt you.. She might be very scared and not really inclined to talk "reasonable".
Don't expect miracles. This is just the first step of a long road ahead, whatever her reaction will be.

So start from a good point. Let her know you are listening and that you are there for you (plan A) even though you're hurt. Then allow for withdrawal etc.

You're lucky to have a head start by having found the MB site and knowing about fog, EN, withdrawal effects.... put this knowledge to good use to protect your W against herself.

Good luck my dear.

thanks for stopping by...
I love my W with all my heart but I cant believe that in one day she could be seeing two OM's in one day at different times....
I am very nervious about how to confront her b/c I know she will fly off the handle, i dont know if thats a normal response or not....
I even finding out that one OM is meeting her near our house after I leave for work which is very early.. I even thought to pretend to go to work and see if the OM show's up. if so, what should i do at that time confront or leave????
I was thinking to prepare a small tape incase she wants evidence but is that OK????
Your thoughts...
Thanks.

I am still preparing...
Would like your opinions please....

Due to she is having A with 2 OM's at the same time, this must not be love and surely not normal mental behavior....

I am debating to either confront her my self and she goes balistic... or I talk to my friend which we are close too like family and tell what is going on. My W and his W are very close, maybe she will assist in this.... I am not sure how to go about confronting her...
Thanks.

deeppain, why not show up at her meeting with the OM in the morning? Just show your face and then drive to your house and wait for her. When she gets there, just very factually go over your information. No accusations, just lay out the FACTS and see her reaction. But I think that you will take the wind out of her sails and shock her if you CALMLY show your face at her meeting with the OM.

And yes, you are right that she probably has some serious emotional problems. She is probably not having these affairs as a result of some unmet need in your marriage, but because of some emotional problem.

Also, don't give up your SOURCES of intelligence when you confront her because you don't want to lose your source.

I wouldn't ask her friend to confront her, this is YOUR JOB.

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Thanks for commenting,
I was planning to catch them meeting in the mornings but I thought that might be a bad Idea...
I dont know how her reaction will be, but you could be right she might go into shock...

Still figuring this out...
Thanks.

I think it would be a great idea to catch them. That way you have to explain nothing. You put all the onus on HER to explain herself because she won't be able to deny anything. She looks like the bad guy, not you. She will most likely be humiliated for you to see her.

And you will probably shake up the OM.

Just make sure you can do this without making a scene, because you will shoot yourself in the foot if you do that. All that is necessary is that they SEE you, then you leave an go home and wait.

And don't tell her about the phone taps.
It's probably illegal (even if it's your own phone, you were not in the conversation and did not have their consent to record).

Also, she will simply not use the phone anymore for contact.

I agree with Mel but take someone with you. That way you have a witness and she will know it. The A will be over exposed and can't go back to the hidden fantasy status.

You will have burst the A bubble. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Be strong.

L.