WH surprisingly came here to spend the night.

Got dolled up for it. We went out to dinner. Did my best Plan A.

He kept saying he was tired, so we went to bed as soon as we got home.

WH initiated SF with me.... seems like things weren't working for him very well in that department (if you get my drift).

He used to look at me all the time when we were having SF. Last night he just kept his eyes closed... probably thinking about being with OW.

This makes me think back over the past few years (while the A was going on without my knowledge). Seems like this is kind of a pattern.

He supposedly broke up with OW last Tuesday. WH was very depressed at first. But I had an opportunity to go into his apartment alone. Got to look at his special adultery cell phones (which he has not given back to OW) and saw that he had recieved a call from her the night after the breakup.

Also intercepted and erased a message OW left on his work cell phone this weekend.

Would you consider this a sign that he is still in contact with OW (physically)?

He just seems too happy and talkative....

He supposedly broke up with OW last Tuesday.

If his lips are moving, he's lying.

Would you consider this a sign that he is still in contact with OW (physically)?

He probably is.... or he probably would be if given the opportunity. Pick one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He just seems too happy and talkative...

I think he's not ready for prime-time recovery, THAT'S for SURE!

Hang in there, your Plan-A is doing what it's supposed to be doing ... showing him what a great woman he's married to .

Knowing what a great woman you are makes the affair worse for the WS. "I am cheating on a wonderful woman."

Sometimes the effect of Plan-A is that it sturs the WS guilt ---> which then causes WS to try and pick a fight with the BS to assuage the guilt.

I wouldn't do a prolonged Plan-A if I were you .... set a definite time limit. You don't need to repair much in the marrige since you were a good wife to begin with!!!!!!!!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks Pep!

Especially love the thong part of your signature.

Have an appointment with Steve Harley tomorrow. Want to get his opinion on all of this.

The fact that WH is still lying is the part that makes me sick.

Plan B sounds better all the time. I think if he has some quality time with OW, that he will see her for what she really is.

I asked WH this past weekend if OW had contacted him (this was after I intercepted the message, and saw that he had recieved a call from her the night after the breakup).

He said "I told you before, if I broke it off with her, she would be done with me! She won't call me!"

OOPS! He misjudged her!

K

I also think the most effective Plan A ramps up the passion and marital satisfaction within the heart of the WS (all the while the BS is secretly gathering evidence of the ongoing A but the BS remains silent) ... The WS thinks "MAN... I have got it ALL!! A hot lover and a loving hot wife! I am in pig heaven!"

Then WHAM!!!!

Right after the best week of loving Plan A ever seen ....

The Plan B leter is delivered ... and the WS is thrust into total black out .... suddendly cut off from all the goodies and cookies and strokes the BS was delivering upon the undeserving head of the WS.

Where there was light and love, there is the darkness of a sudden death. The WS thinks, "Oh MY GAWD .... I've lost the best woman on earth!. I am soooo screwed!"

He will run to the OW to get his cookies and strokes and goodies ... but what she cannot give him is ~family~ and ~shared history~ and ~faithful monogamy~.

He's now partnered with an adulterous woman, not a faithful woman. And the thrill is gone, replaced by uncertaity and regret.... and doubts.

And Plan B must be upheld (no light shone upon him in his darkness) until he is sick to death of having an adulterous relationship define who he has become as a man .....

This works ESPECIALLY on a man who has "family man" or "good loyal man" as part of his desired psychological make-up. If you are married to a man who prefers to think of himself as a "rebel" or "outlaw" (think Mick Jagger) then he's not as likely to return to the marriage anyway.
So no plan would work .... unless you were willing to join his madness of a triangle relationship.

If you are married to a man worthy of you .... Plan B will be the dagger of reality consequences piercing his heart.
If not, you discovered his true identity.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Thanks again Pep!

I think you're right.

Fortunately, my husband used to think of himself as "the last good, truthful man around".

He has gone against his very strong moral belief and up-bringing with his A. This is killing him.

Yet he can't seem to pull himself out of it.

This weekend is a big one. WH will be here all weekend working at our local town shindig. I will be right there beside him. Working hard, looking good, and having fun. Plan A.

Then, depending on what Steve Harley tells me, I think going to Plan B will be the next move. I think I'm ready... I'm so tired of all of this. It's really getting me down. I know I'm worth more than this.

Thanks again. K

Especially love the thong part of your signature.

Thanks to MB'er Susan ---> and the cartoon she emailed me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Have an appointment with Steve Harley tomorrow. Want to get his opinion on all of this.

Do whatever Steve says.... he's got the know-how.

The fact that WH is still lying is the part that makes me sick.

I know. Dumb stupid WS all lie like a dog with fleas. Temporary insanity.

Again, really good Plan A. His time to regret losing you looms in the future because of the quality of your Plan A. Do not tell him about the A-phone .... hold on to any evidence without letting him know what you know. He'll get sloppy if he thinks he's got you fooled.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Fortunately, my husband used to think of himself as "the last good, truthful man around".

He has gone against his very strong moral belief and up-bringing with his A. This is killing him.

Very much like Mr. Pep.

And, ya know, we are 8 years into recovery! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And my beloved has earned his stripes .... he IS THE MAN he admires today!

Your M has an excellent chance of recovery.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />