OK - Married 13.5 years. H has major A 8 years into the M, we get beyond it and we seem to be totally recovered, he seems fine. 2 great kids.

A reoccurs 6 weeks ago, lasts 2 weeks, then he confesses but is ready to run off with OW. OW decides to stay with her H. H then says he is not sure if he wants to be married, regardless of what happens with her. Goes to the same counselor as me, after the first session, he tells me that they both came to the conclusion that he wants out of the marriage to live a single lifestyle.

We currently plan to separate - that is a given.
Have not discussed details yet, but I am going to see a child pyschologist today to discuss the best way to tell the kids. So I guess I am trying to accept that our marriage is over.

H does not say that he has been disatisfied with our marriage, on the contrary, he says he considers himself in a great marriage, still loves me - its not me, its the lifestyle. Said that his relapse with OW made him realize that he does not want to be monogamous. Counselor says that it is a MLC.

Maybe it really doesn't matter, since H is leaving, but looking at it objectively, he certainly turned a one-eighty in a very short period of time. So was this an exit A, or just a huge life changing epiphany for him? I guess I am trying to make sense of a senseless situation.

I seem to be in a state of denial, even though I know what is happening and am trying to plan for it. Is this normal? It also reminds me of sort of trauma shock. Is this normal?

We all know the stages of post DD affair recovery. What about marriage ending when it comes as a big surprise? Are there any "normal" stages for this crisis and eventual recovery?

Everhopeful,


As a male BS I can't tell you exactly why he has done such terrible things to your M. He sounds very confused and in a " grass is greener" mentality. How old is he? What was his dating, sexual exposure before your marriage?

You haven't shared a lot of info but from what I read it does not sound like an exit A. Even if he truly feels that this is an exit A, I would have a lot of hope for your M.

The real experts will get on your thread in the next few hours and give you some great advice.

Good Luck

H had a ton of sexual experience before we were married. He is 37.

I have been posting on and off about my currrent situation and the experts are basically telling me to let him go on his merry way. Which makes sense, except for what it will do to our kids, who have no idea this is coming.

He does sound confused doesn't he? In all but one area - he is totally determined when he talks about leaving, no ambiguity, no hope for his changing his mind. OW is still in the picture
(as his so called friend and advisor !) so this does not help our situation.

Everhopeful -

How are you doing?

I haven't seen you around the past couple of days.

I guess you could be on your two week vacation that you posted about.

Hope all is well with you.

Give us an update when you get the chance.

Take care.

sss