Hello everybody...I've been lurking here forever reading and following some of you guy's situations. I feel like posting today. First let me introduce myself. I am a 22 year old working/college student with a 1.5 yr old baby girl. I have been engaged with my daughters father since we met. We could of been married plenty of times because he always wants to but I don't. My bf is a 20 yr old potsmoking/uneducated/thief/cheater who finally has been working for a month straight. I didn't know about his ways till after I was 3 months pregnant. We planned this baby. Anyways I'm so torn up because every time I think I can start trusting him he screws up. I just found out he's been contacting an ex (girl he dated part of last year while he was still with me) He said he would call from his moms house and try to manipulate her to get money from her. I'm so sick of this and have been trying to be done with him forever but I always go back in circles. So I can make this story a little shorter here's a timeline of us..

Oct 2001-me and bf meet
Nov 2001-start planning baby
Jan 2002-move in together
Feb 2002-I'm pregnant <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
April 2002-goes to the movies with a girl( I find out later) doesnt turn into affair
July 2002-something fishy going on at his job with co worker (nothing physical but still) also having other problems fights-I move back with parents-he wth his mom. We make up but still live apart.
Nov 2002-Baby born <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Feb 2003-still living apart, been getting along, he starts acting hostile with me, bad attitudes. Find out he's been dating a girl he met internet. We break up. I become OW 2 weeks later (crazy situation, did it to spite the girl (hate her)she's a no good
Oct 2003-He finally gets rid of her. We officially back together (hung in there for family)
Feb 2004- we move back in together (still problems
many times I kick him out comes crawling back 1 or 2 days later.
April 2004- discover him about to get in the shower with an old ex of his... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (I'm still traumatized) kick him out thought this was the last straw..still weak..we get back together
July 2004-break lease move back in with parents, actually trusting him more now that we are apart, but somehow he's still been sneakin in phone calls to last year biatch... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ok so juding by this pattern, do you guys think he will ever change..I don't see it..Parents and friends wish I'd give up on him...I always had hope that he can change, everytime I catch him he's extrememly sorry, makes me believe he'll stop and he loves me more than life its self.. What's wrong with me. I know I don't need him I have everything going for myself.. I can have my pick of guys (though now I dont trust anyone) and he will probably be a bad influence on our daughter one day..Why can't I just say enough is enough...He isn't going to change... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Sorry for long novel..

What's that country song out now...Shoes don't stretch and men don't change. It's true.

Why in this world would you plan to have a baby with someone that you had known only one month? A baby is something you plan for after you've established your marital relationship. I think you've got the cart before the horse. Why would you want to bring this child into the world with a committed, trustworthy father?

I hope I'm going to say something to you that your parents have already been saying to you...he's jerking you around just as he jerks all these women around. Flat out-he's a loser and he'll drag you down with him as long as you let him.

Take your family and friends advice and get him out of your life, learn from this mistake and move on.

XAngelX,


Please go this web page and click on articles then Identifying Losers


http://www.drjoecarver.com/


I do not want to sound judgemental but.....

I also feel that YOU NEED TO TAKE A VERY HARD LOOK AT YOURSELF AND YOUR EXTREMELY POOR DECISION MAKING. M and babies are responsibilities , not hobbies.

Good Luck!

Thank you so much for responding....I know I made a big mistake. He was my first, I come from a catholic family. I've always been a good girl..I don't know what I was thinking.. I was blindsided by love. I was an idiot..I shocked everybody. But what's done is done and I so wanted to do the right thing and stick with him and get married eventually. I know what I have to do, but like many women here it's hard. I myself read some oth these stories and I'm thinking "Honey you need to leave that worm" But look at me, I can't take my own advice...I don't want to be with him while he's like this but I don't want to see him with anyone else. I have issues don't I..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by XangelX:
<strong> But what's done is done and I so wanted to do the right thing and stick with him and get married eventually. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately "do the right thing" and "marrying" this man cannot logically occur in the same sentence. In your own words, he is a "20 yr old potsmoking/uneducated/thief/cheater" who was willing to impregnate a young girl, and then cheat on her.

In my opinion, you should not pick up a rattlesnake, play with a scorpion or marry this man. Raise your child alone, finish school, get a career, then find a man who is honorable and worth your love.

" My bf is a 20 yr old potsmoking/uneducated/thief/cheater who finally has been working for a month straight."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Go to the library and check out Dr. Laura's book:

The Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives

Read it slowly and takes notes. You are living the ten stupid things right now ... but, here's the good news...

YOU can change your life

but you cannot change your cheating boyfriend into another person. He's shown you his character. This is him. He is what you see.

Move on ... he's not the right man for you. Not now. Not later.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I guess I am just an emotionally weak person...I mean my life is great I should be so happy. I have a great career, good school, loving family. I support my daughter myself even though I recently moved back in with parents, so I don't need him, but I'm still attached to him, we've been insepearble for 3 yrs. I've tried many times to avoid him but I always get weak. Right now we are at the stage where I am mad and he's calling me telling me he loves me and wants to work things out...I'm trying real hard to not fall back into our old pattern again..

So I'm guessing you guys think there is no hope right, and I should give up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by XangelX:
<strong> So I'm guessing you guys think there is no hope right, and I should give up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm guessing you aren't great at making independent decisions ....

Pep
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

yep xangelx yep. No hope. Give up. Move on. You'll never regret it. He'll never change. He's a LOSER. He'll make you and everyone in your life miserable. He's telling other girls the exact same thing-guaranteed. He's unable to care about anything. Don't believe a thing he says.

I pity your daughter. I pity your poor parents having to watch this train wreck. You need to get some counseling to find out why you're in this situation. It's not one bit healthy.

Doesn't the catholic church forbid sex outside of marriage and living together without the benefit of marriage?

"I'm guessing you aren't great at making independant decisions ...."

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> that was almost insulting...lol hmm I like it. Sometimes I need some wake up calls..

But I am capable. I don't know I read all these other stories and I see alot of support and some people hanging on to a marriage that is going nowhere because of the troll of their husbands and wives and maybe I expected some sort of a solution of how I can help him. I mean the [censored] still is my baby's father, we are forever linked. (unfortunely)

. I'm so sick of this and have been trying to be done with him forever but I always go back in circles.

And you are still going in the circle!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

JP: yes a catholic person is not supposed to have sex outside of marriage, but I never said I was a saint. I make mistakes. But God forgives, and what's done is done..I love my daughter more than anything in the world, and it is now on me to raise and nuture her the best I can. But I guess I must look like not a very good mother if I expose myself to the situation discussed above.

Pep: I was kinda hoping posting here and getting encouragement would help me stop going in circles..gee thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Pep: I was kinda hoping posting here and getting encouragement would help me stop going in circles..gee thanks

Has anyone in your family told you that marrying this guy would be a good idea?


How many people have told you you should leave this situation?

Pep
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Oh my is all I could think of when I read your story. Let me share one thing with you, being a sperm donor does not make one a father. Has this "boy" supported you and your baby in any way? Any REAL way? Don't think for a minute that you must be bound to him forever just because he provided some DNA; if he proves himself to be the kind of man and father that you want for your baby then it becomes a different story.

It sounds like you have the means and attitude to take care yourself and your baby if you can just stop allowing him to influence your decisions. READ WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT HIM! Is this the kind of man that you really want for you and your daughter? You both deserve better than this, and there will be a man out there somewhere in the future that will treasure both you and your daughter. Do you honestly think that the current one ever will?

yes my family has told me to leave him

And a couple people have told me to leave him also, and some have told me to help him, to stick with him and yadda yadda.

But if it were so easy to leave your significant cheating other what the hell is everyone else doing on this board then <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

xax:

Go 2 the local Lackluster Video rental store and check out "Riding in Cars with Boys", directed by Penny Marshall with Drew Barrymore in the lead role. It's billed as a "comedy/drama" but it isn't funny. It's said 2 be based on a true story.

Drew's character gets pregnant by a loser boyfriend, marries him, and tries 2 get her career going in spite of it. Very sad, but the son 2rns out okay in spite of his upbringing.

Well written and acted, IMHO.

-ol' 2long

xax:

The point isn't that we should all leave our cheating SOs, the point is that we must take charge of our own lives, responsibility for our own happiness. You cannot change your BF. He must do that himself. You can't even help him, he has 2 seek help himself, for himself.

-ol' 2long

2 long....That's one of my favorite movies..I almost want to cry everytime I watch it even though it's a little humorous...sighhh

I know I'm reaping what I sowed...but why did I have to have one of the worst guys out there be my baby's father..Other girls make these mistakes and there bf's arent half as bad as this one...Ughh I hate him. I hate myself sometimes..I deserve no pity...

good lord girl,
run and run fast! i know where you are emotionally and i know it hurts, and its going to hurt worse. you need to do whats best for your daughter, and raising her around your so-called "fiancee" i dont believe is a good idea. if nothing else he is too immature to even consider settling down with. your young yourself, get out there and live your life! the hell with the loser! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />