Ok for some minimal background, Me BS, 33 definitely not perfect but heavily involved in community service, and terribly dependant on my WW for 18 years (married for 11) for emotional security and support.

She WW, 33 crushed by my overbearing style of arguing (I went to law school) now in the process of exiting (I hope) 1 year EA with a Veterinarian she works with (she’s a vet tech).

Anyway I’m really sad (ha ha) she was my inner anchor, however I was too trusting or too self absorbed to see how far she had gone until two weeks ago. She was/is really tied to this guy, 2200 minutes of cell phone charges alone in 5 months. She would sneak off in the middle of the night or say she was going to work out and talk to him. Its tough because things like Valentines day we were suppose to go out however she called him 8 times!

So now I’m trying plan A, she won’t leave her job, and every time she is literally out of my sight my heart crashes. I know this is typical Plan A whining but I just don’t know how I can keep up.

You see, I am a lawyer, I mow the lawn, do the laundry, pick up the kids, and cook dinner, and now that football season is starting, I’m the head coach of my sons little league football team and have to organize 22 football players. All the while my wife is completely in a fog, she’s gone 50 to 60 hours a week very little help with the kids and working with Dr. OG and threatening daily to move out. And today she has not returned my phone message I sent at 10:00 am this morning.

I love to volunteer my time and I love to give to the community, however now I just feel maxxed out and empty. I can’t focus. I feel an underlying desperation that makes me just want to hold her close all day and yet she is soo gone at times I feel like she is from another planet. (I know typical plan A whining).

I guess I am just looking to see if someone who has reached the other side ever feels whole again, or if pain is just a way of life. Does the Wayward Spouse ever realize all the has been destroyed, and does the Betrayed spouse ever stop wondering “where is she now?”

Any help is sincerely appreciated,

Really Sad

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

1 year EA with a Veterinarian she works with (she&#8217;s a vet tech).

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Discuss this affair with the Vet's wife if he's married. If he has adult children, expose to them as well. Expose to your parents, your wife's parents as well.

How do you know there is no PA?

Pep

I don't know if i'm qualified but anti depresents
help me alot Paxil gave me the ability to think about it and have very little emotional pain but
killed my sex drive. Now on Wellbutrin no sexual
side effects and starting to feel the same way.

Ok guys, I guess I'm looking for a little more hope.

Drugs hmm well that just seems to be well like almost false safety but I guess I can see how it might help.

As for him he is a single jerk from most independant accounts.

I have told my parents and WW completely lost if said it was over became hysterical etc. She says I have to protect her regarding this because she is really embarassed. She has demanded that I not make any contact with him, or tell anyone else.

However my question (whine) is how come she gets to be embarassed and still work every day with him. I just have to suffer alone and no definate hope?

Really Sad

RS:

If she wants 2 stay M'd, she doesn't get 2 keep working with him. One of them has 2 quit.

I don't believe it wasn't a PA either, based on how much time you say she spends with him.

Expose more.

-ol' 2long

Is she and him over with? If not, I'm sorry but she and he is playing with you as a fool. I've seen this type of people cause i'm living with one. They are going to twist it and make it seem like its your fault. They are gonna make you think you need counseling. They are gonna blame you. Which is, it's not you that needs help but they do. seek counseling and she needs to find another job if she really want to work things out, she will do these things.

If she doesn't take her 50/50 in the relationship and children... she needs to grow up or get out. I'm sorry, there is more to life then to suffer.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.