Okay, so I contacted MIL. She did not sound like she was happy to hear from me. I asked if she could meet me at the public library and bring my dresses with her. She agreed but sounded kind of annoyed I guess. I held back all I could while talking to her on the phone. I could hear my voice quiver and my eyes were starting to water.

So she got here and was pretty cold as though she was trying not to say something. I get out of my car to meet her and what do I do? Lock my keys, purse, cell phone in my car. So she called the police to come open the door and we had to wait for a while. During this time she tried to be nice. Asked about my family, where I was staying, etc... I told her I was at a hotel but didn't tell her which one. She never mentioned H. I only brought him up once because she brought a pair of his pants with my clothes. She seemed to want to get away from me as fast as possible. Once the clothes were in my car I gave her my new cell # and she took off. No hug. Nothing. She just said to call her if I needed her to take me anymore of my things.

I'm sure it's probably hard on her too. I think she liked me. We're a lot alike. Maybe she didn't want to get emotional in front of me. I don't know, I've never seen her show any emotion whatsoever. I'm sure H has poisoned her mind about how horrible he thinks I am and I'm sure FIL has told her nasty things about me as well. It's hard for me to understand why this family that I've spent so much time with turned against me when all I wanted was H's A (with a minor no less) to end.

I'm glad I did it this way though. I couldn't take seeing my room empty of my things. I'm just happy that FIL didn't answer the phone. I called anonymously just in case. I still feel like kicking H in the shins for making me out to be someone I'm really not.

I can't believe I locked my keys in the car. I must have looked like a basketcase. The first contact with MIL since I got back and I do something bubbleheaded like that. I was trying to look calm and collected. I told her about all of the interviews I was having and how I'd been called back for second interviews. I didn't mention where, other than Tiffany's so that she would know I went into the city on my own.

I don't know, overall she just seemed very uneasy around me. Does anyone else's IL's seem that way to them?

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: ivoryivy ]</small>

Oh Ivory -

Here is your hug {{{{{{IVORYIVY}}}}}.

I'm not your MIL but am feeling for you. She just doesn't know how to show you what she is feeling. Some people are just that way.

You are doing great! BTW I love that you changed you thread title to "my adventures". How "adventurous of you".

Hang tight kiddo, you are going to make it!

Weaver

She's upset, but probably not with you.

Her ADULT SON is having an inappropriate relationship with a teenager !!!!!

She doesn't want to believe it could be true. She has probably been lied to.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Ivy, you are doing some great, gutsy things. Excellent. I'm glad you have your clothes now. Don't sweat MIL's attitude. It's like weaver said, she just doesn't know what to say. And probably some not good things have been said about you.

As for locking everything in the car - it's okay. She was probably nervous too. Don't give it another thought. The last time I met the sparrow I couldn't do simple arithmetic because I was so nervous. I got over it quickly and handled the encounter very well, but this stuff makes your nerves positively tweaked.

GC

well i'll let you know my situation. i've been married for 11 years and since dday in feb. my IL's have not contacted me once. in fact the last time i talked to any of them was my MIL a few weeks before mother's day. i'm convinced that they don't know what to say and they just in essence want me to go away. this has been extremely hard for me to take and for the most part i just don't think about them.

i'm not catholic bashing but my IL's are catholic and from the day we were married we were never allowed to sleep in the same room at my MIL/FIL house because we were not married in the church. we were married by a JP, small ceremony w/just my family present because it was in another state. my H was in the military when we met and i never met his family (except one sister) before we got married, then i met them on our honeymoon. we have never lived near them or my family for that matter. i thought getting married by a JP would make both sides happy but since we were married i found out that my FIL doesn't go to any weddings of family members if it is not done in the catholic church.

now, they have never ever treated me anything other than their son's wife. which means, they were always kind, loving, welcoming, introduced me as their son's wife, etc. i thought i had a relatively good relationship w/my MIL, sent me stuff that said if she had to choose anyone for her son it would be me etc. so how am i supposed to feel about all this? i just don't know.

i think if we had kids no matter what religion anybody was, i think they would be more supportive. i think that if we were married in the catholic church then they would be more supportive but because neither one of those are the case i think they have basically just written me off. it doesn't matter if we are divorced because we were never really married in the first place. my H has told me that his family is glad he is finally happy, how is that supposed to make me feel?

i know the OW has met some of his family if not all of his family within the last month (they went on a trip together). again, how am i supposed to feel w/a FIL who wouldn't even let us sleep in the same room all the time we were married, didn't get cable TV for years because of the type of things that are on TV (women in bikini's, language, etc.) and now is basically supporting his son in continuing his affair and has not even picked up the phone once to call me or write me a note?! my own mother got a easter card from my MIL, not me. it just said hope we can still be friends, etc.

the only way that i can really think about it is to compare my FIL love and actions towards his son to the love and actions God has towards us and that no matter what we do that he still loves us and is still there for us. but i pray daily that they would be convicted to help my H end his A and not support him in it and help steer him back on the path of our M and they would be convicted to help me and support our M.

i've talked to SH about how to deal w/my IL's and basically he said that there's nothing really i can do or say given our background and the current situation. I've sent a mother's day card, a bday card for FIL, a father's day card, and a baby gift to one of my SIL who just had a baby and i just sign each card "love and God bless, RR" but i do have prepared things to say if they do contact me and tell me things like "he doesn't love you anymore, just let him go, etc." my MIL already told me that she hopes we can work things out amicably and that we both would be happy if we got divorced.

so i guess what i'm saying is you are not the only one who is not being supported by your IL's. true we are in the minority but i believe that's because we don't have kids. my MIL had the boldness to say that if we had a kid things would be different because there's something special that happens between a husband and a wife, etc. i just want to shake her and tell her that if she thought kids made a difference she was very sadly mistaken and there are so many couples out there that have problems like this, some because they have kids, etc. but of course i couldn't say this.

anyway, just pray for them (your IL's) be careful if they do seem to come your way because they might be trying to get information for H, etc. sounds like you handled the situation very well and continue to be careful of how much information you give them. my MIL tried to get out of me if i was going to fight a divorce and what my counselor was telling me. there's no way i'm giving her any information that would come back to bite me. prayers to you, RR

I guess my issue with his parents is that I lived with them for the past few years. I've spent more time with them than he has and now they seem like everyone is better off now. I know they didn't want me to come back here either. They think that I expect H to pay for my living arrangements here. My parent's want him to, but I want nothing from him.

I know I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I do still miss him. I would still like to reconsile things between us but I know when he makes up his mind nobody can change it. When his best friend all his lifetold him that he didn't want anything to do with him 7 years ago he never even thought of trying to contact him again. When things are over for him, they will never return. Right now all I can do is concentrate on myself and bettering my life but I keep thinking of all the things we had planned on doing together this year and I feel like I'm missing out on so much because of this.

I think the Olympics are reminding me of him. We always talked about how they never show fencing on T.V. and this year they are. Then I think how I almost got us tickets to go to Athens to see them as a wedding gift for him (back when I still had money). For the last two years I'd looked forward to watching them with him and now whenever I see anything about the Olympics my stomach still gets knotted up.

RR & Ivory,

Sometimes IL's and friends can be difficult to deal with in situations like this. I had struggled for a long time to expose the EA to friends and family and when I did, everybody was very understanding and supportive - or so I thought. My H no longer has any parents, but we are close to other family members and I had told his aunt about it, after she continously pressured me because she 'sensed' that something was deeply wrong. I broke down and told her (not every detail, but in general). She then wanted to talk to my H about it etc. At first I was relucant and it took me several weeks to agree. Well, guess what? Nobody ever talked with him about anything. Nobody even ever called me anymore. But, that's okay! I guess, people just don't want to be bogged down by other's people's business, even if it's family. It's sad, but true. They did send me flowers with a note hoping that better days will lie ahead and I know that it was sincere. I think people nowadays are just so busy with themselves and their own lives that the rarely seem to have time for others, even if they are close family. In then end, I always felt alone. The deal with friends is that most of the other wives feel uncomfortable because they probably think that it could be 'contagious' to their husbands. Like I said, in then end you are always alone, most of the time.

But, let me tell you what I think. I think that no matter what happens to us or our relationships, I believe that WE are the ones who will come out stronger in the end because we have learned an extremely painful lesson, not only about life, but also about people and most importantly about ourselves. Not many people ever get the chance to get such a close look at their innerself.

Kati