I have a strange feeling in my gut...well, a lot of them really [due sept 08]..but this one is...a little unnerving.

Things have been going very well in Noodleville, but just the last day or so my husband has begun to act strangely. I'll just be direct and descriptive so that you'll have enough info to have an opinion. Yesterday he arrived home from work sort of..hungry? Needing some SF. Told me outright that he needed some. That sounded agreeable to me, but I may have put him off a bit as he was very aggressive [I don't mind that when my kids aren't mere feet from us]. I said that'd be just dandy, but would have to wait until the kiddos went to bed, and that they could go to bed early. He seemed a little put out so I tried to be extra affectionate, but he wasn't having any. So we had dinner, and he played on the computor pretty much the entire night. Then just before bedtime, I got a phonecall from a distressed family member..I asked him to tuck them in while I finished up..he really didn't like that idea, but did it. So the kids were accounted for, the evening was young, and I told family member that H and I had plans so I'd need to let her go. Except he just kind of ignorred me. Fell asleep in the chair. I tried to initiate but he didn't appear to be interested.

So that was yesterday..tonight he came home with a dark cloud over his head..wouldn't accept any affection from me [I usually hug him when he arrives at least] actually physically brushed me off. Then barely spoke to me the entire evening and went to bed early. I asked him if he was feeling all right, or if something was on his mind, but he gave me monosyllable answers and retreated to read. I asked if he would like some time to himself and he said that he would..I asked if an hour or so was enough and told him that I would like to spend some time with him tonight..I made it very clear that I intended to follow up on the SF that hadn't happened the prior evening. He went to sleep. I tried to rouse him but he was unresponsive.

Soooooooooooooooooooo...hmmmm

I'd hate to hit the panic button if he has just had a couple of bad days. SF is one of his bigger ENs..so these last few weeks of my pregnancy have been difficult as I am just physically unable to keep up my usual pace. However...one of the things that I noticed yesterday and today, was the ghost of that selfish attitude haunting us. He was absolutely not interested in spending any time with me that did not directly involve sex. None whatsoever. He was really unhappy that I couldn't literally drop my pants in the kitchen [actually, he tried to drop them, I had to say no] and let him just have his satisfaction right there and then.
Then tonight he seemed not to have any desire for me at all. So, yep..a little confused. I spent a good part of last night trying not to allow myself to trigger..I was successfull, but I have to wonder if my perceptions may be skewed as all of my radars have just gone into an elevated state of alertness. Fighting triggers again, and this time they have anger attached so it takes extra effort to keep them at bay. I don't want to get caught in the cycle again, especially if this is nothing more than a bad day[s]. Advice and insight please? Pretty please?[Holds out bowl of cherries]

Now that I'm fighting triggers I have somehow managed to retrieve weeks worth of unrelated comments that are now being processed through my "fog filter" seeking out sleepers that might have snuck in. Funny how I now have the ability to have near total recall of mundane conversations at the drop of a hat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Back in the middle with you--Noodle

shameless bump

Hey noodle, I don't know what is happening, but it certainly warrants keeping your ear to the ground. I almost wondered WHAT had put him in that highly sexual state yesterday when he came home. He does sound preoccupied, thats for sure. The only thing I can suggest is keeping your eyes peeled to see if anything is going on.

Sorry you have to deal with this while pregnant. And I wanted to tell you how very much I enjoy your very articulate, intelligent posts. Glad to have you aboard, noodle. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ August 11, 2004, 10:40 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

ML

Thank you for your reply..I admit I am nearly tapping my foot with eagerness for opinions here..and I was specifically hoping that you would be one of them.

I didn't almost wonder what had so aroused him..I was flat out, plain old suspicious..after today I am even more suspicious..I just am not certain what I am suspicious of.

His manner is very closed off...and that is likely what has tripped my alarms..this was the earliest symptom that I have been able to identify that he was slipping..and ditto the sexual aggression..just prior to his ONS...lots of very rough, passionate sex..with new things tried out that we had never in 7 years of marriage done before.....urk...I'm trying not to hear hoofbeats, but I admit that I have fear in my heart that this will be an endless cycle... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi Noodle,

I really don't have a clue as to your H's actions, but wanted to give you a guy's perspective on what might be happening...

When my wonderful W was pregnant with our younger daughters, I often felt "neglected"... not that my W was neglecting me, but the SF department would wane considerably and I'd let my emotions build up to the point of anger sometimes. It took me a while to learn how to "properly" express my wants and desires to my W in a way that SHE understood...

It sounds like your H has a hard time expressing his feelings to you... and it sounds like he's "pouting" a bit as well. (sad to say, but I used to do the EXACT same things that you've described)

For me, when I'd huff off and pout, I was actually trying to "test" my W just to see if she "really" cared for me or not... Childish behavior, but that was what I was thinking at the time.

I'd keep trying to communicate with him. Try to find out what's bugging him in a loving way. It may be that he IS having feelings that he's not important to you and is just "testing" you to see if you are serious about meeting his emotional needs...

If this is the case, then this is a PERFECT chance for you to prove to him that no matter how he acts, you will be there for him...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

RIF

Thanks for taking the time to reply..and also..yes, very valuable info from the other side of the fence always welcome. Funny you actually used the word pouting..I had to intentionally discard it although it seems..accurate to some degree. Yes, I am hoping that it is in fact just that some of his ENs aren't being met to the extent that he needs them to be..not so much regarding frequency, or whether he feels a priority, but rather that I am just not able to do what I would do, for as long as I would do it, or enjoy it as much with this 36+ week pregnancy. I'm very uncomfortable..can't sleep at night, then tired but still not sleeping all day, sex is uncomfortable because the baby is so low in my pelvis at this point that penetration can bump my cervix and end the party so to speak [tmi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ]...this I can understand..and live with. The anxiety stems from not knowing if in fact that is all that is happening..or if he is cycling again..this has been a pattern..and his closed offedness..is a major signal, usually he has no trouble communicating what he wants/needs from me. It is odd for him to completely ignore me..and even to take offense at my flirting with him, or admiring him.

So now that everyone else has gone to bed, I'm recalling other possible signals and trying to be reasonable and strategic rather than obsessive.

Do you have any suggestions?

Hi Noodle,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The anxiety stems from not knowing if in fact that is all that is happening..or if he is cycling again..this has been a pattern..and his closed offedness..is a major signal, usually he has no trouble communicating what he wants/needs from me. It is odd for him to completely ignore me..and even to take offense at my flirting with him, or admiring him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'd look for a time that you could try and tell him exactly what you've told us... Let him know how your feeling and ask him if there is anything that you can do to help him.

I had another thought as well... There were times that I would really want SF, get rejected, then pout... then my W would try to initiate SF, and I'd reject her. Looking back, my reasons were twofold, one I didn't want "pity SF", and two, It gave me a bit of "power" (in a childish sort of way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )...

Try talking with your H w/o offering SF... Be honest with your feelings, but be sensitive to him as well... Try to frame your discussion around how YOU feel, and what you need without accusing him of possibly straying again.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

HI Noodle , don't know if this will help any .1.I agree with Faith90, You do need to talk this through . Also it could be about the feeling of being neglected kids and pregnacey.

I noticed that my H intiates SF when kids are up and about ,,, this use to drive me crazy and still does.

But after the A I came to realize 2 things (and they suck) first is he is selfish with his needs .and second OW and him had it all different times of day . Her D was out and about for school early on , and also she got babysat ALOT ALOT !(this is killing me ) LOL

So when he came home we talked about this NEED for it right then and there , but it it is when he says and if not he gets offended and pouts as if I am denying him all together .

So needless to say I had to get creative , put the kids on video games and say things like dad needs me to help him with something in the bed room ,, then lock the door and pray they don't interupt . In the morning before they wake he has done the kitchen thing and when he comes home sometimes not alot theres that urgent thing in him .

I 2 found this strange and of course let my mind wonder alot . LIKE who did he see or talk to on the way home that got him like this .

But because he doesn't want it offten as me , I was and am always accommidating him at those moments . and if I do not well the pout with no mention of it will come from him . LIke now I am being punished .

TALK and stay with this don't let it go . The best thing would be if he opens up and starts to communicate its still early on for the 2 of you and you will get haunted by these things so please talk as much as possiable .

Noodle,

H came home from work very randy.

Does his work entail the computer and the internet? Must have been something at work that got him all worked up.

Or he was fantasizing all the way home and wanted immediate gratification. Then when it didn't materialize it burst the bubble. Pouting seems to be the right word.

Is he usually a grump?

And must there be penetration at this stage of your condition? There are other ways to accomplish the SF that are advised in the 36th week

k

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: krusht ]</small>