I'm having a hard time in my head with all the A's my H had (about 7 in 10 yrs). What have any of you done to sort through the jumble in your heads? Please help me to understand. We are now 9 months past D Day & I'm not coping very well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

WS 52
BS 48
DD 24
DS 22
M 27Yrs

Working at being together forever

Hi Eyesopened,

Welcome to MB! Can you give us some more information? How did you learn of your H's A's? Did he confess to you, or did you find out about them on your own.

One A is one too many... multiple A's are, IMHO, even more devestating, but you still must deal with multiple A's the same way that you do with a single A...

There are lots of great people here that have been through what you're experiencing and can help... If you haven't started MC, I'd strongly suggest that you do so as soon as possible... This is a great site, but it doesn't take the place of professional marriage counseling...

Read all of the articles here on the MB website and get a copy of the book Torn Asunder by Dave Carder... This book will really help put all of your feelings and experiences into perspective.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Thankyou for your reply. I wrote my story under 9 months today. It is very long, but if you have the time, please read it & you will understand more about these affairs. Have read His Needs/Her Needs, but the book is unavailable where I live, but I can order it & they say it will take about 4-6 weeks. Trying to keep smiling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WS 52
BS 48
DD 24
DS 22
Multiple A's over 10 yrs
Working at being together forever

Hi EO,

Ok... that clears up some of my questions.

I think it's a very good sign that your H told you about the A's after you found out. Even though it was a horrible way to find out! I can't even imagine what you must have been feeling when you read your G/F's diary!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

My best advice is for you and your H to find a good pro-marriage MC and start immediately. Once my W finally confessed to all of her A's, we started MC with our church. It was invaluable in keeping us both focused on rebuilding our M.

MC doesn't make the pain go away any faster, or offer any short-cuts, but it will help you and your H from making many mistakes along the way.

Get a copy of the book Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. For me, this book was much more in line with how I felt and what I was dealing with as a BS. I've read Surviving an Affair, and thought it was good, but it just didn't hit home with me like Torn Asunder did.

The MB website is a great place to vent, ask questions, and share your feelings... it also helps to know that there are others going through the same thing that you are... but it in no way should replace professional MC...

Hope this helps...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Thankyou for your concern. I have ordered the book Monogamy Myth by Peggy Vaughan, mainly because her H had so many A's also. I thought that I could identify with her. Have you read her book? Have not seen it on this site. It should be here in about 4 weeks. His Needs/ Her Needs was great. My H even read it with me. He says that he can now see how bad he has treated me over the years. We have had some really good talks (alot of tears on both sides). I can also see how I have reacted to him & have LB heaps in the past. We are trying to not LB now & have been getting on really well. It's just me that keeps the A movie going. I know that it takes time, so I am trying to not mention the A's to him. He has a huge project that he is working on at the moment for a very important client, so I am trying to give him the space that is needed. He should be finished it next week, then he & I are going away for a couple of days. He has said that he will write me a letter of how it all was. I think that this will be good for him. I hope that you & your W are happy now. Being on this site has helped me so much. Thankyou for your time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BS 52
WS 48
DD 24
DS 22

H had several A's over 10yrs
Working at staying together forever