I know about her A but I have no Proof I know for sure it happend and with who.
How can I make WW admit the truth.
I would like to work it out with her but I think she's ready for a divorce rather than admit the truth.

should I just give up if I don't get proof and divorce her I feel like I could handle it at this point.

She knows how wrong it was she's going to move to get away from the guy but if things don't go well
at some point in the future she may cheat again if I were to stay with her.


married 7 years
2 small kids

om=married
2 kids

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by herdoormat:
<strong>How can I make WW admit the truth.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can't.

Tell us how you know an affair is in progress, even though you have no "proof."

Why are you jumping immediately to thinking of divorce?

Please see all the info available on this site before doing ANYTHING else.

<small>[ August 12, 2004, 11:49 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=030875#000005

Sorry it's a long story. there is alot more evidence than this and some evidedence of other guys to and another coverup.

As you can see (if I posted that link right) I'm
really trying to believe her and do somtimes.
But my heart always brings me back to reality sooner or later.

Now she is not liking me very much at all because
she says I keep lying to her about believing her.
and then going back to not believing her.

This outrages me to no end considering what I know
about her and her lies. But I never throw this in her face because I know that she would explode
and we would just be farther apart.

I would like to reconcile with her and forgive her
and get on with life. But she wants me to sweep it under the carpet.

I guess I'm prepared to do anything including divorce to make her see the light or to just get away from her and start over.

The link you posted has nothing to do with you (unless you also have posted under a different name).

You only have three posts. Two in this thread and one about polygraph testing.

Read the links below.

Sorry I did post under a different name. I was
very embarrast to use that name after saying I trusted her again. I guess I'm pretty mixed up
by all this.

hi. don't worry about being mixed up and confused, i would think the majority of us are or have been just as mixed up and confused at various times!!!

people here can help better when they get more and more details so sticking to one name is a better way to go.

i read the posts from your other name too. my opinion... you and your W need to keep communicating.

i hear your desire to just try and forget it all and not worry about it, move forward and all, but you know in your heart you cannot do that. have you tried counsoling? are you two actively working on your marriage? i think someone gave you the advice of stop trying to prove/disprove if an A happened or not and instead use this as an opportunity to take a good look at your marriage and see what it needs. if you are capable of backing off about if there was an A or not (at least for now), you might make better progress on putting the focus on the two of you working and communicating about how you are both feeling about each other and your marriage.

what do you think?

I'm not very religous but I looked up at the stars
last night and prayed to God to tell me the truth.

And he did I found what I wanted to know this afternoon while looking at her cell phone record
on her birthday. We had a big agument about me not believing her and she exploded and burned rubber out of the drive way. I followed her after
a few and cought up to her in town and talked her into coming home. she said she was had planned to get a motel and stay there alone.

I found out today she called his pager on the way to town. I went to town today and called from a pay phone to find out who's number she called that night he called me back on the payphone
he recognized my voice.

I sent her a dozen roses today and then called when I got home she ask me alot of questions about
what I was doing in town. I told her that I was
there to call him and talk to him but I chickened
out. I ask if he called her while I was in town.
she said no. then she ask what number I called him on. Untill now I didn't even know he had a pager. So anyhow I know for sure that I was right
and she knows I know.

Maybe I'm paranoid but I'v been feeling very bad lately. and he is a convicted fellon for burning down his house for insurance. do you think I should worry about this. I have been wondering
why she was planning to move out of state with me
when she was in the middle of a hot affair with this guy.

Any advise would be appreciated

Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> i hear your desire to just try and forget it all and not worry about it, move forward and all, but you know in your heart you cannot do that. have you tried counsoling? are you two actively working on your marriage? i think someone gave you the advice of stop trying to prove/disprove if an A happened or not and instead use this as an opportunity to take a good look at your marriage and see what it needs. if you are capable of backing off about if there was an A or not (at least for now), you might make better progress on putting the focus on the two of you working and communicating about how you are both feeling about each other and your marriage.

what do you think?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">the questions up there are really important for you to answer: have you tried counsoling? are you two actively working on your marriage? is your wife with you on this or are you the only one working the marriage right now? it will help if you give more information as to the state of how things stand right now.

We have been seening a marriage conselor. she has
not been doing much good for us. That was both of our opinions.

If I say I believe her she is a totaly different
person very loving. If I say I'm having any doubts
about her and this guy she turns it off. She is constantly asking me if I believe her or what I'm thinking.

She seems to want to work it out with me if I will
sweep it under the rug and I told her I would.

but while she is being very loving to me she is still seeing this guy.

I was not planning to confront her with the proof
I found.

I have ask her what I needed to change to make her happy. her short list of things would be very easy to accomplish. I had already totally changed
and begun to pay tons of attention to her,
never staying up later than her, We have been getting up a 5:00 to drink coffee together without the kids for probably 6 months.

Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We have been seening a marriage conselor. she has
not been doing much good for us. That was both of our opinions.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">get a new MC, you are paying this person, find one that will help you. i know it is hard to start with a new person but if the current one is not helping it is manditory to keep looking. there is phone counsoling available thru marriage builders although i don't know anything about it. those that have used it seem to swear by it. click on the word Counsel found at the top of the page (between Bookstore and Radio)

i am really no expert here but i do believe that you guys really have to continue to talk this out. sweeping anything under a rug is not the way to a healthy marriage.