ML,
I knew, as I was writing my post, that it was coming across that I was always angry all the time. I thought about re-writing it, but I posted it anyway. Generally, HE is the one that is angry all the time. If I ever do get angry, he gets angry at me twice as much!
Also, he is bossy, demanding, and picky. His other issue is domestic support. He likes to have everything "just so." For instance, the mail has to be in a certain place when he comes home. Most of the time, he comes home and looks for something wrong. It could be the mail out of place, too many shoes by the front door, or the rug too close to the wall.
Physical appearance is another one. His appearance always has to be perfect. He is a perfectionist. I have to look perfect, too. Sometimes I hate to go out with him because there are times that I have to change two or three times before we can leave - or change my hair, or put on more make-up, etc. etc. I hate getting ready because I don't know if he is going to like what I will wear. The same goes for buying clothes. I always wonder when I buy something if he is going to like it or not.
Trust me, I am not a slob, either in the home or in my personal appearance. Maybe I don't pay attention to some details like he does, but I am NOT a slob. I like things to be neat as well. I just don't want to make myself insane.
Sometimes I just ignore his comments or say no to certain things. This is where I "contradict" him. If I do this often enough, it builds up in him and he will be mad at me for weeks.
I am not saying that I am not at fault. I knew that SF was an issue for him, but I never realized how important it was to him, and I never thought that the situation was that bad. I mean, it's not like we had SF once a year. Granted, there were times that I rejected him because I was too tired, etc., but I didn't think it was that often. I thought it was normal. I am learning here about how people look differently at SF. I am really working on this issue for him.
It also does not help that I was working full time and going to school for my MBA. Most of the time I WAS too tired for SF or to do some domestic work "right away." It's hard to keep all of the balls in the air all of the time. I admit that I probably neglected our marriage in a lot of ways. Now that I am done with school, I know I can focus more on our marriage and our home.
And no, he is not the type of person who tells me how he "feels" about anything. I am supposed to "know" most of the time. He has even said that to me in the past. During a period when he is not talking to me, I will ask him, "what's the matter?" He will say, "you should know."