This is my first post. One of the recommendations is to return to your first love. The feelings you first had for each other. Sounds good doesn't it? BUT...what if you never had those true feelings? What if you started out with a physical attraction ...had pre-marital sex and your future wife was so "guilty" she married you out of shame and obligation? Didn't know what else to do. So, you create a marriage of caring but no romantic feelings involved? Years go by actually decades and the H gets healed of his emotional brokeness and starts to "emote" to his W. Reads books on love and how to reach a woman, make her feel cherished and loved and secure. For 5 1/2 years I poured my heart out to my wife...could write a book on things a H can do to show his W love and affection. BUT it never got through. I asked her to give me a list of 5 things ..that I could do ..that when I did them...they meant "love" to her. She said she couldn't make a list. I said give me 5 things I could do to be a better H. She laughed and said why would I want to do that. So, after 20 years of marriage and 5 1/2 years of emoting and getting no response or worse rejected. Someone was kind to me. Words of affirmation and appreciation...it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had no idea what it was like to have another human being be kind to you and make a loving gesture. Made my head spin. Wasn't about sex or good looks my wife is by far prettier. This OW has buck teeth and a mole on her face. So, A ended. I'm now back to where I've been for nearly 6 years. Loving everyone ...getting respect and admiration from all but W. Who I really wanted it from all along. She can't give it now after "wounding" but I never had it anyway. I know the love of God...but gave up a good friend and someone who did care.