Often times we see our partner partake in actions we may find highly out of character. There are always reason as to why this may be. Yet when we have strong feelings for someone we do so get easily hurt when we feel we have been lied to. And that hurt often makes us take actions that may jepordize what we have built with our partner.

To feel uncomfortable about a situation and not confronting it in the beginnning often leads us further down the path to an ending. We must find a way to talk to our partner in which they do not feel threatened or embarrassed.

No one wants to hurt the person they love and if one finds that through his actions he hurting the person he loves, then it's only logical the only way to ease that pain is to leave. But if we do not want it to come to that point, communication is the only way. Don't just ask why...rather offer support. Is there any way I can help you with whatever is bothering you. Or What do you feel is missing from our relationship that we can work on?

A gentle tone, and understanding voice can coax the heart to be laid bare. And there in lies the truth of what troubles the heart no? When hearts start to stray...I believe love is the sheperd that can lead us back to where our hearts have made a home.

Good luck.

EternalPoet,

While I believe that leading a person back into the home with love is certainly the way that most of us here would like to go, it is not always possible because our partner has to be willing to open up and receive the love.

I have found that in midst of all the chaos, the WS is often not capable of accepting the love.

Infidelity causes much pain and chaos in the mind of both partners and sometimes it takes lots of sorting through the feelings and emotions to get back to the couple that originally found together once.

Kati


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by EternalPoet:
<strong> Often times we see our partner partake in actions we may find highly out of character. There are always reason as to why this may be. Yet when we have strong feelings for someone we do so get easily hurt when we feel we have been lied to. And that hurt often makes us take actions that may jepordize what we have built with our partner.

To feel uncomfortable about a situation and not confronting it in the beginnning often leads us further down the path to an ending. We must find a way to talk to our partner in which they do not feel threatened or embarrassed.

No one wants to hurt the person they love and if one finds that through his actions he hurting the person he loves, then it's only logical the only way to ease that pain is to leave. But if we do not want it to come to that point, communication is the only way. Don't just ask why...rather offer support. Is there any way I can help you with whatever is bothering you. Or What do you feel is missing from our relationship that we can work on?

A gentle tone, and understanding voice can coax the heart to be laid bare. And there in lies the truth of what troubles the heart no? When hearts start to stray...I believe love is the sheperd that can lead us back to where our hearts have made a home.

Good luck. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hmmmm.

EternalPoet,

Care to share your history with us? Some of what you stated I find true, some not so true,especially regarding Infidelity.

O

Eternal Poet - Sounds like you are the WS - you are talking kinda foggy. Please elaborate. Do you have another lover? Would you like your spouse to talk sweetly to you while you eat your cake?

I guess what I got out of reading poet's post was kind of like our plan A. Right?? When I found out things about my husband I made a lot of mistakes. Like angry outbursts, embarrassing remarks, and things of that nature. Did I have a right to??? Yes....Did it help things??? No... But now that I have had more months to think about it and reflect on the past I know that I have to do things differently. But also keep in my mind that all people are different so what works for some may not work for others.

Now I am trying not to focus on the OW as much. Yes knowing that my husband still talks to her really bothers me. But he is the type of person that if I hassle him about something to much it makes him more determined to do it. And I don't feel as stressed this week. Since I have been focusing more on what I need to do to make it work and not on her and the whole ordeal. Since Monday I have worked on not LBing , meeting some emotional needs and communication. Also on Sunday we did have a long ride home and talked about what lead to where we are today. I know what I need to do but it is hard doing it knowing that there is a third party still around. But that is not going to stop me.

Yes I agree with a lot of what you say Poet but it is so hard to see the one you love take another path in life. And I do hope that my love, understanding, patience, and just me working on myself leads my husband back to me. If not then he really didn't realize what he had. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You said:

No one wants to hurt the person they love and if one finds that through his actions he hurting the person he loves, then it's only logical the only way to ease that pain is to leave.

I don't buy that! If you are hurting the person you love, then it's only logical that the only way to ease that pain is to stop doing hurtful things.

Sorry hon, you ARE DEFINATELY in the fog. How long have you had your lover?

SML,

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better emotionally. It feels good to get your life back, doesn't it? Keep it up and you will see that in time, it will get easier. We often make the mistake to make the person that we love so much our entire world and when it crashes, it feels like the rug is pulled from beneath us. The truth is though, that we should have never been in this position in the first place. We have to define our existance not by another person, but rather by who we are.

Keep on working on yourself for YOU, not for your husband. Don't put expectations into him because you will only get dissappointed.

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong> Yes I agree with a lot of what you say Poet but it is so hard to see the one you love take another path in life. And I do hope that my love, understanding, patience, and just me working on myself leads my husband back to me. If not then he really didn't realize what he had. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">