As I said beforemy wife had an intense EA with a supervisor and has sworn me to keep it a secret after I told my parents. She continues to work in the same office.

So now I am alone with a ton of commitments, it is 15 days past D-day and she claims it ended a week ago, however they have seen each other alot while she has been at work.

I guess what I am asking is where do you get the strength in Plan A to not only keep servicing her needs, but how do I cover up the massive hole left by her betrayal and still contribute to my children and community. How do I do what I used to do now that I know that I was gullible and stupid.

Really Sad

Hi Really Sad,
I just noticed that no one replied to your post. I am in no position to answer your questions as I struggle with very similar conditions every day. So I hope I could do two things.
1. get your post up the top so some veteran will help you.They are all here and their advice and comfort is unbelievable. Stay here and you will find the strength you need.

2. Just to let you know you feelings are not unusual. We have all struggled with the same problems. We have not been placed in an easy situation but the rewards if we manage to overcome will be worth the hard work. I have just started learning a new way of responding to what life throws at me and I really believe that if I can keep it up I will be a better person all round. Not to mention the fact that I may have a better M at the end of the day. I am told you may be left with a scare but the wounds can heal.
Stay strong and take lots of deep breaths.
S

reallysad...

my question is about your heavy focus on community service...and what type of void that takes away from you and your wife as a couple...

I read your other post where you touch on your communication style..with the added influence of your proffession and am curious about that as well...

so many silly little cliches hold true in life...
so I was wondering if you can objectively look at the addage that charity begins at home....

while community work often fills a need in us...
it can and does sometimes come at a price...

also have you
are you changing your comminication style..

there's a great old post titled
do you want to be right or do you want to be married....

might be worth your time to seek out...

what are you doing in your plan A to touch your wife's soul...

what are you changing in you that shows her your ability to not slide back in to the same old rut or pattern....

I can drag up a recent post on plan A I wrote...
I don't know if you saw it..let me know....
and I am not sure others can tolerate it once more. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> too bad....but there are some plan a tips there...

what is YOUR plan A like...

ark